I have been processing a lot lately.
My last great grandparent died a couple weeks ago. Though I didn't have a close relationship with him, there is still many emotions that appear when one attends a funeral. He was a Mason, World War II Veteran, and Volunteer Firefighter, but the most meaningful salute was actually the firefighter salute. There were five firetrucks at the burial, with their ladders extended. After the army salute (in which seven veterans each fired three shots, one played taps, and they presented the flag that was on his casket to Sonya, Grandpa's wife), they went on the intercom (on a speaker) and said,"Howard Souder, (pause), this is your last call." and then let out one long siren.
A friend from college and her husband (also a friend from college), lost their sweet baby boy. My heart hurts so vividly with them. They are in my prayers often. God is working them through each step right now.
I have also taken to reading several biographies of Christians (I read Bonhoeffer, now I'm reading 7 Women, by the same author -- Eric Metaxas), and, as every biography ends, each person dies. Some people (like Susana Wesley) lived with such loss (so many babies died after birth!) and many still lost children in war, to illness, even as young adults. It is much for my heart to bear.
My mom's mom passed away Saturday. Although I have had several great grandparents pass away, I have not had anyone closer to my heart pass away until Grandma Epp. We will be traveling to Kansas in the next couple of days for the funeral, visitation, and some family time.
I had been able to go to Kansas to see Grandma in several years, and we were planning to go to Kansas this year to see them. And now we are, just in a different way. About a month ago, I called her and had a nice conversation with her, updating her on our lives and connecting with her, because it has been a long time since I had talked with her. Then we got to Skype with her on Mom's phone last week, when she was still talking some, and winking and smiling. And talking with Mom on a daily basis about how Grandma was doing and the changes in family emotions was cheering.
So what is grief? Grief is losing the person you love so dearly. Grief is letting go of this person to God. Grief is also losing the way the life's rhythm you found comfort in for a time, and moving through grief is letting go of wishing it was still the old way and moving oneself forward in life that's different.
So how does someone move on? They just do. Every single day, we get up and do life (however abridged) until it becomes a season of harvest again.
How do we cherish those who have already passed on? I recognized that I did not have the closest relationship with my mom's mom, but I recognize that the character of my grandma, her diligence, her humor, her personality, are all reflected immensely in my own mother. So I am very thankful for the vital role she played in my mother's life, making her who she is now.
Another thing I have been thinking about is how worship songs that we sing at church are focused on what Christ has done for us as we continue to live here on earth. As I have been reflecting on the gift of being with Jesus after death, and how much this appears in Scripture (longing for God to call them home), I have been wondering where are the worship songs for us as we pass on to death.
The answer is in hymns, and yes, there are some worship songs that talk about seeing Jesus in heaven. But certainly not a whole lot. Perhaps I will write one some day.
I have been praying more and more, when the pain and suffering of others aches in my heart, "Come Lord, Jesus, come". I am ready for the world that has no more tears, Lord!
Monday, April 25, 2016
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
end of March life update
The weather has been milder, and we are seeing the sun earlier and earlier. :D I have been outside making dirt behave several times a week. Some of my onions are debuting their green stems. I have popped one of two blisters from my spade work breaking up the soil.
I am beginning to enforce mandatory outside time, although it is not as difficult as it used to be, because both little people want to play outside, and do not fight putting on coats and shoes. It used to be fifteen minutes getting ready and fifteen minutes outside and that was not quite worth it for me. But now we are getting better, and sometimes coats are optional.
My neighbor and I are sharing the three chickens that she owns, who live at the back of the garden. So every other week, I feed, water, and scrape poop off the floor of their house in the morning, and around lunch time there are about three eggs waiting for me. We have decided to make T-tshirts that say, "My pet made my breakfast."
I am in the middle of the T-tapp 60 day challenge. I decided toforce motivate myself to do three long workouts a week, and then anything extra would be exceeding my goal. I am also doing the various extra challenges as they pop up on Facebook--this week's was Awesome Legs (a leg movement that tones inner, outer thighs, and hips), and two weeks ago it was a movement for the abdomen. Since I am not expecting either inch loss or weight loss to be super dramatic (because I lose slowly or in spurts, but it all equals out over time), I am getting a little lazy about weighing and measuring myself. Mainly because I wear fitting clothes enough to know if there are any changes (and I have noticed some, but again, not dramatic), so I know I am not in need of changing anything. Also, I decided that I needed to take a break from "counting" calories. It was just tedious and I've been maintaining for a little while. I started using sort of a macro portion control method used by Beachbody.... but I have corrupted it a little to include more fat because I believe in fat!! If you want to know how I figured that out, let me know, lol!
At the mom's group I attend weekly, we are going through Daniel with Beth Moore. I am enjoying it because it has a very interesting perspective. Beth always does. And it requires me to get into the word every day, and I appreciate that. I also have been working hard to get together with some of the moms from moms group because I need friends! :D This is good for me and for them. We all live within twenty minutes of each other so it's not hard, we just have to make room in our schedules for it!
I started reading a Biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Now this is INTERESTING!! מענין. (that's hebrew for interesting. pronouced MenYen). rabbit trail!! This book is a perfect faith builder--we get glimpses for Bonhoeffer's theology and sermons, but not enough to bore me, and it has historical aspects that keep me captivated--he lived in Germany during the first world war and the died during the second world war. And (so far), he was a gifted teacher and presenter of the Gospel, really waking people up to Christ. It ignites the fire in me to remember to keep on delivering grace to people, but also showing them the Gospel is vital for them.
Interestingly enough, it also points out how higher education in present day is a weakling limp noodle in comparison to what it was eighty years ago! Like my degree, for example... people wouldn't even think to go to school for something like that in the 20s and 30s. It is important, but the pastor really was the social worker in this period of time in Europe.
Ben's parent's washer broke and so they gave us their dryer, and so now we have a dryer! This is a major improvement on our home! this past winter was a stretch for me, but between our neighbor letting us use her dryer occasionally (we trade things), and having several milder days (if you have sun, even if it's freezing, things will dry, but they will freeze first, and the part of clothing around the clothespin will probably not dry, but it's better than having too much moisture in the apartment). And everything else we dried inside our apartment (which wasn't the majority).
And we also survived the winter with Dyson hot +cool fans instead of using baseboard heating all the time. We used the heater int he kitchen only on particularly cold mornings and the kids baseboard heater at night because it functions efficiently in the side of room that they have.
Ben and I continue to study Hebrew. We have approximately four lessons each week, about 3.5 hours. We do homework and practice speaking together some of the time. We are definitely getting better, and making improvements. I still want to speak more and need names for most things in the house still, but we are getting better. Still learning tenses and different verb structures and rules. But I like it!
We enjoy seeing family occasionally--we saw Ben's family for Easter, and my parents are coming to see us soon. We saw Marie in February when she came back to get her visa stuff figured out.
I joined the worship team at church and play piano and do harmonies (and one song I did lead, on Palm Sunday) once a month. This is a great thing for me--not only for my soul and to stretch my fingers, but to finally have a method to intentionally get to know people in the congregation besides in the nursery.
I am beginning to enforce mandatory outside time, although it is not as difficult as it used to be, because both little people want to play outside, and do not fight putting on coats and shoes. It used to be fifteen minutes getting ready and fifteen minutes outside and that was not quite worth it for me. But now we are getting better, and sometimes coats are optional.
My neighbor and I are sharing the three chickens that she owns, who live at the back of the garden. So every other week, I feed, water, and scrape poop off the floor of their house in the morning, and around lunch time there are about three eggs waiting for me. We have decided to make T-tshirts that say, "My pet made my breakfast."
I am in the middle of the T-tapp 60 day challenge. I decided to
At the mom's group I attend weekly, we are going through Daniel with Beth Moore. I am enjoying it because it has a very interesting perspective. Beth always does. And it requires me to get into the word every day, and I appreciate that. I also have been working hard to get together with some of the moms from moms group because I need friends! :D This is good for me and for them. We all live within twenty minutes of each other so it's not hard, we just have to make room in our schedules for it!
I started reading a Biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Now this is INTERESTING!! מענין. (that's hebrew for interesting. pronouced MenYen). rabbit trail!! This book is a perfect faith builder--we get glimpses for Bonhoeffer's theology and sermons, but not enough to bore me, and it has historical aspects that keep me captivated--he lived in Germany during the first world war and the died during the second world war. And (so far), he was a gifted teacher and presenter of the Gospel, really waking people up to Christ. It ignites the fire in me to remember to keep on delivering grace to people, but also showing them the Gospel is vital for them.
Interestingly enough, it also points out how higher education in present day is a weakling limp noodle in comparison to what it was eighty years ago! Like my degree, for example... people wouldn't even think to go to school for something like that in the 20s and 30s. It is important, but the pastor really was the social worker in this period of time in Europe.
Ben's parent's washer broke and so they gave us their dryer, and so now we have a dryer! This is a major improvement on our home! this past winter was a stretch for me, but between our neighbor letting us use her dryer occasionally (we trade things), and having several milder days (if you have sun, even if it's freezing, things will dry, but they will freeze first, and the part of clothing around the clothespin will probably not dry, but it's better than having too much moisture in the apartment). And everything else we dried inside our apartment (which wasn't the majority).
And we also survived the winter with Dyson hot +cool fans instead of using baseboard heating all the time. We used the heater int he kitchen only on particularly cold mornings and the kids baseboard heater at night because it functions efficiently in the side of room that they have.
Ben and I continue to study Hebrew. We have approximately four lessons each week, about 3.5 hours. We do homework and practice speaking together some of the time. We are definitely getting better, and making improvements. I still want to speak more and need names for most things in the house still, but we are getting better. Still learning tenses and different verb structures and rules. But I like it!
We enjoy seeing family occasionally--we saw Ben's family for Easter, and my parents are coming to see us soon. We saw Marie in February when she came back to get her visa stuff figured out.
I joined the worship team at church and play piano and do harmonies (and one song I did lead, on Palm Sunday) once a month. This is a great thing for me--not only for my soul and to stretch my fingers, but to finally have a method to intentionally get to know people in the congregation besides in the nursery.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
i'm working through my old fiery trials still
I decided to write this blog because I've been in a weird rut in my mind. Lately, it's taken to remembering things in a slanted view point, in attempts to make me feel inadequate, then guilty, for having such memories. But there is a God who loves me and wants to rewrite the memories of my past. I refuse to look at the things that have hurt me and let them continue to hurt me. I'm done with that. I need to forgive, I need to forget. I need to let go. I need to feel freedom for the emotional baggage of things I could not control and cannot change.
About five and a half years ago, my life changed. I was hurt, broken, confused. What did God do?
God surrounded me. My group of friends surrounded me, prayed over me, let me live in their room (until the school made me move out...), encouraged me, resurrected my inner beauty confidence, rejoiced with me, healed me. God took this time to give me a support group. My soul was bare and bruised, and my friends picked it up, put it back, and tended to it.
God enriched me. I found ways to write out my hurt, move on with my heart. I am better. I can see the world from better eyes, and I have been taught to not settle for the present options if they are mediocre.
God affirmed me. Despite heartbreak in the beginning of a semester of college, I put my heart into the degree I desired. I worked at it, I learned I grew, and when that broke too, God still affirmed me in my education.
God showed me forgiveness and redemption. I was broken from the brokenness of it all. I was broken from the sin that was there and the heavy duty commitments I had made that were broken.
And God took my heart in His hands, and took my hand and pulled me out of my darkness into an incredible raw real beauty that only He could create. He put the breath back in and tended the fire of passion in my soul and started the engine again. And I picked up speed and I opened my eyes to the world around me as I passed by. And I learned, and I loved and I felt every step again.
My heart was full again.
A year and a half later I took a test and I passed. And a treasure began to accumulate inside.
And suddenly I was viewing the world fly by
out of my control,
and I didn't care,
and I didn't want to be doing what I was doing with school
and I just wanted to be married so that the shame and words behind my back wouldn't hurt so badly.
And suddenly my lack of passion and energy caught up to me and dissolved in thousands of tears and feelings of bitterness and betrayal and shame
Everything was blended together and I could see no support from the people I'd looked up to all this time. My friends, my love--they were there for me, but not the people who brought me to that point.
Two professors of mine, at a later time, expressed to me that they opposed the removal of my BSW to a liberal arts with a concentration in Social Work. One, who was on sabbatical at the time felt things would have been different if she'd been there.
But I couldn't--I can't keep dipping into the "what if's" and the "how it could have gone" because that's not how it did go and I can't change it, I couldn't change it.
And I need to let go and let God.
God is still working on me. This was a hard time. These feelings still create a complicated web that I get stuck in, though not as often as I did a few years ago when it happened.
God shows me how to forgive. Although I am stubborn and frustrated (still) by everything that occurred, I begin to look at each person's actions objectively, and begin to understand how each thing happened.
The person that I need to forgive is myself. Even though I did not make the ultimate decisions that removed my intended degree from my possession, and I did not fire myself from my internship, I made decisions that let that happen. I didn't speak up (and I can always give my reasons why, but that still won't change my situation) that my internship wasn't going well. I didn't tell my male professor leading the internship coordination that I was pregnant. I worked hard and things still fell apart because the few places where I didn't work hard were the places that the people who mattered noticed the most and felt were the most important.
God is unfailing. I think the hardest thing to say about this whole situation despite it's outcome is that I didn't fail. I didn't. I did my job, I worked hard. I did my homework, I contributed to class, and I was exhausted and nauseous everyday and I was over-blamed for things that happened, and I was uncomfortable with confiding in my male professor that I was pregnant, and I thought that I had made better connections with the leadership at my internship than I did, and before I knew it, everything had flip-flopped and I was sitting in my car, with tears continually running down my face trying to pick up the pieces and figure out how I was going to tell my professor, and friends, and family that I had been fired, because it was as much of a surprise for me.
It is easy to say now that everything was over-reacted. It's like my internship supervisor and my professor and all the people who looked at the evidence provided were on the pregnancy hormones running through my veins at the time. And the decisions that they made, several times through voting, broke my heart.
So my grief in this time was not just for the loss of an arrangement of words on my official transcript, but the loss of trust and support from a professor I thought was on my side.
And even in this time, God was seeking me and working to heal me. I was feeling it. I sought the word of God, but it was hard to pray because I was holding so much of this inside, every time I set myself to open my soul to God the grief would spill out.
And I do care that people see that I am alright, and I wanted to be alright and to be done with it and through it, but when I was by myself in our home with our baby with no one to talk to, I would relive these events again, and feel it like it was just a few days ago.
And God. So I still ask myself if I see the conclusion of this event in my mind. Other old, hard memories have been settled. I can't decide if time or remediation or prayer or counseling or something else would give me peace and strength--so I would see the growth and gains I have made from this time.
and of course I can see them--two beautiful children. A strong marriage. a different city, a different state (this helps, of course). Success in other areas, no longer desiring to work in social work (this is a growth, I think, recognizing in myself that I take others stories and apply them to my own family much too easily). Embracing motherhood and the true joys of not having to leave my children to work. Understanding my great desires to work the soil in my garden and grow things.
and I move on. I have worked hard to let Scripture come alive for me and fill my soul so that I gain strength from it. I have written songs that have been better prayers for me. I am a different woman than I was four years ago. Consistently coming back to Scripture until I let the words enter through the cracks in the callus I built up from not wanting to be hurt anymore.
God humbled me. God prepared me. God heals me. God was there in the car when I saw the storm crash around me. He was in the office with me when my degree changed. He was walking beside me every time someone from school took note of my growing belly. He prepared me to overcome my strong emotions and challenges to have a healthy labor.
God is healing me. God is guiding me.
and I can choose to look at it this way.
About five and a half years ago, my life changed. I was hurt, broken, confused. What did God do?
God surrounded me. My group of friends surrounded me, prayed over me, let me live in their room (until the school made me move out...), encouraged me, resurrected my inner beauty confidence, rejoiced with me, healed me. God took this time to give me a support group. My soul was bare and bruised, and my friends picked it up, put it back, and tended to it.
God enriched me. I found ways to write out my hurt, move on with my heart. I am better. I can see the world from better eyes, and I have been taught to not settle for the present options if they are mediocre.
God affirmed me. Despite heartbreak in the beginning of a semester of college, I put my heart into the degree I desired. I worked at it, I learned I grew, and when that broke too, God still affirmed me in my education.
God showed me forgiveness and redemption. I was broken from the brokenness of it all. I was broken from the sin that was there and the heavy duty commitments I had made that were broken.
And God took my heart in His hands, and took my hand and pulled me out of my darkness into an incredible raw real beauty that only He could create. He put the breath back in and tended the fire of passion in my soul and started the engine again. And I picked up speed and I opened my eyes to the world around me as I passed by. And I learned, and I loved and I felt every step again.
My heart was full again.
A year and a half later I took a test and I passed. And a treasure began to accumulate inside.
And suddenly I was viewing the world fly by
out of my control,
and I didn't care,
and I didn't want to be doing what I was doing with school
and I just wanted to be married so that the shame and words behind my back wouldn't hurt so badly.
And suddenly my lack of passion and energy caught up to me and dissolved in thousands of tears and feelings of bitterness and betrayal and shame
Everything was blended together and I could see no support from the people I'd looked up to all this time. My friends, my love--they were there for me, but not the people who brought me to that point.
Two professors of mine, at a later time, expressed to me that they opposed the removal of my BSW to a liberal arts with a concentration in Social Work. One, who was on sabbatical at the time felt things would have been different if she'd been there.
But I couldn't--I can't keep dipping into the "what if's" and the "how it could have gone" because that's not how it did go and I can't change it, I couldn't change it.
And I need to let go and let God.
God is still working on me. This was a hard time. These feelings still create a complicated web that I get stuck in, though not as often as I did a few years ago when it happened.
God shows me how to forgive. Although I am stubborn and frustrated (still) by everything that occurred, I begin to look at each person's actions objectively, and begin to understand how each thing happened.
The person that I need to forgive is myself. Even though I did not make the ultimate decisions that removed my intended degree from my possession, and I did not fire myself from my internship, I made decisions that let that happen. I didn't speak up (and I can always give my reasons why, but that still won't change my situation) that my internship wasn't going well. I didn't tell my male professor leading the internship coordination that I was pregnant. I worked hard and things still fell apart because the few places where I didn't work hard were the places that the people who mattered noticed the most and felt were the most important.
God is unfailing. I think the hardest thing to say about this whole situation despite it's outcome is that I didn't fail. I didn't. I did my job, I worked hard. I did my homework, I contributed to class, and I was exhausted and nauseous everyday and I was over-blamed for things that happened, and I was uncomfortable with confiding in my male professor that I was pregnant, and I thought that I had made better connections with the leadership at my internship than I did, and before I knew it, everything had flip-flopped and I was sitting in my car, with tears continually running down my face trying to pick up the pieces and figure out how I was going to tell my professor, and friends, and family that I had been fired, because it was as much of a surprise for me.
It is easy to say now that everything was over-reacted. It's like my internship supervisor and my professor and all the people who looked at the evidence provided were on the pregnancy hormones running through my veins at the time. And the decisions that they made, several times through voting, broke my heart.
So my grief in this time was not just for the loss of an arrangement of words on my official transcript, but the loss of trust and support from a professor I thought was on my side.
And even in this time, God was seeking me and working to heal me. I was feeling it. I sought the word of God, but it was hard to pray because I was holding so much of this inside, every time I set myself to open my soul to God the grief would spill out.
And I do care that people see that I am alright, and I wanted to be alright and to be done with it and through it, but when I was by myself in our home with our baby with no one to talk to, I would relive these events again, and feel it like it was just a few days ago.
And God. So I still ask myself if I see the conclusion of this event in my mind. Other old, hard memories have been settled. I can't decide if time or remediation or prayer or counseling or something else would give me peace and strength--so I would see the growth and gains I have made from this time.
and of course I can see them--two beautiful children. A strong marriage. a different city, a different state (this helps, of course). Success in other areas, no longer desiring to work in social work (this is a growth, I think, recognizing in myself that I take others stories and apply them to my own family much too easily). Embracing motherhood and the true joys of not having to leave my children to work. Understanding my great desires to work the soil in my garden and grow things.
and I move on. I have worked hard to let Scripture come alive for me and fill my soul so that I gain strength from it. I have written songs that have been better prayers for me. I am a different woman than I was four years ago. Consistently coming back to Scripture until I let the words enter through the cracks in the callus I built up from not wanting to be hurt anymore.
God humbled me. God prepared me. God heals me. God was there in the car when I saw the storm crash around me. He was in the office with me when my degree changed. He was walking beside me every time someone from school took note of my growing belly. He prepared me to overcome my strong emotions and challenges to have a healthy labor.
God is healing me. God is guiding me.
and I can choose to look at it this way.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
weather
For the first time in several months, we did not have to turn on the heat first thing in the morning. The weather is calm now, though yesterday a jump of 30º within a couple hours put us through quite the squall and lightning storm. There was a tornado watch on the county, and our electricity blinked once.
I was on moderate anxiety until the wind slowed, and the storm moved northeast. I wore my head lamp around my neck, just in case the electric left for good, and also wandered into the storage room below our apartment to see if I could open the mysterious door in the floor. I did not explore past discovering its location, but instead knew that this would be the route we would take if there was indeed a tornado on the ground within our vicinity.
Later, I checked my email and saw that there was, indeed, a tornado warning for the county, but it was north east of us by several mile and moving more northeast, so it did not concern me. I felt peace, as our winds had stopped gusting and the lightning subsided. We were not in the eye of the storm. But it made me think about what we would do if there was a tornado that hit our home.
But, as my neighbor has pointed out, there hasn't been a tornado in this area for many many years, if ever. But if I stare out my window, I do not see mountains, I see flat farmland, and it spikes my anxious thoughts when we have an almost perfect storm, like last night.
It appears that there was no tornado where we are, but there was one east of Lancaster in more Amish country. We are blessed that we weren't hit.
http://lancasteronline.com/news/local/fire-officials-reporting-major-weather-event-moved-through-lancaster-county/article_2792b9c0-db36-11e5-9311-673431fc072f.html
I played piano when the wind was blowing pretty fiercely. This was very calming for me, and I felt the peace of God, knowing his power was stronger than this, and His will stronger than mine. Thank you Jesus, for your peace!
I was on moderate anxiety until the wind slowed, and the storm moved northeast. I wore my head lamp around my neck, just in case the electric left for good, and also wandered into the storage room below our apartment to see if I could open the mysterious door in the floor. I did not explore past discovering its location, but instead knew that this would be the route we would take if there was indeed a tornado on the ground within our vicinity.
Later, I checked my email and saw that there was, indeed, a tornado warning for the county, but it was north east of us by several mile and moving more northeast, so it did not concern me. I felt peace, as our winds had stopped gusting and the lightning subsided. We were not in the eye of the storm. But it made me think about what we would do if there was a tornado that hit our home.
But, as my neighbor has pointed out, there hasn't been a tornado in this area for many many years, if ever. But if I stare out my window, I do not see mountains, I see flat farmland, and it spikes my anxious thoughts when we have an almost perfect storm, like last night.
It appears that there was no tornado where we are, but there was one east of Lancaster in more Amish country. We are blessed that we weren't hit.
http://lancasteronline.com/news/local/fire-officials-reporting-major-weather-event-moved-through-lancaster-county/article_2792b9c0-db36-11e5-9311-673431fc072f.html
I played piano when the wind was blowing pretty fiercely. This was very calming for me, and I felt the peace of God, knowing his power was stronger than this, and His will stronger than mine. Thank you Jesus, for your peace!
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Tutus and Toys
Naisa and Yonah are both growing more, and becoming more independent of me and Ben. They play together nicely some, and I break up a lot of fights.
Before Christmas, a little to much Katarina and Daniel Tiger has made its way into her brain and she desired to be a ballerina. She located a pair of tights (which we soon found were too small, because not amount of "hiking up" would amount them to stay over her bottom) and her pink "dress" (very much a shirt length now) and wore them incessantly.
Then, Naisa got a tutu for Christmas that she has not taken off... hardly. It is in the rotation of the three or four outfits that she changes to wear each day (a completely different story). Now the tutu is typically the bottom layer, followed by the pink, then, since it's winter, a purple shirt that has a mouse's face on it. (called the kitty mouse sweater, if you must know)
And she also wears a pair of pink tights that the elastic has been broken on for several weeks. . probably after the first week started wearing them, they no longer held themselves up. So we constantly see her tights on her knees, looking like the "stylish" or "cool" guys who attended my high school. On top of these, she wears a pair of ballet slippers that came with the tutu and sometimes her pink boots, which were also a Christmas present.
Naisa is very attached to these pink tights. She has an identical pair of tights in grey that she has not touched, and a pair of nylon tights that are pink and a pair that are white and these she also shuns.
Yonah has discovered the special-ness of the tutu, as Naisa calls it her "costume' and parades around the apartment, sometimes "dancing", but mostly playing, always the emphasis on the tutu. Yonah began to desire the tutu. Naisa has several bright and fluffy shirts to choose from and soon enough, we discovered Yonah putting on the tutu skirts, pulling them on over his pants as high as he could make them go: until the bottom of his diaper. He also learned the word and will say it anytime he is prompted, "tdutdu."
Naturally, one of us felt his little boy mind would be forever swerved toward tutus, and the the other thought a costume was a great idea, although it didn't have to be tutus. So when my sister was in town and we were at the thrift store, we found a barney and big bird costume (if you would call it that.... I call it his big bird hospital gown), and presented those to them. Yonah has lost interest in the tutus at large. He and Naisa are very creative with the toys.. and the not-toys that they play with. Yonah particularly likes the steamer, and the pots and plastic containers. Some have gone missing into the toy basket.
And Yonah and his stools! I cannot have my back turned, because he pulls his stool up the the silverware drawer, picks out a few to stick in his mouth, and puts a few dirty ones in the drawer. And so demanding is he to do the dishes! Every time I turn on the faucet, he runs over to me, hands above his head, ready to get them wet, screaming, "Dishes", which, to him, means, "run water on his hands for at least five minutes, and play with cups on water, typically pouring water out of the sink, onto his clothes.
The obsession with mail in our apartment is out of control. Naisa receives a card or letter in the mail at least once a week, and Yonah has noticed and has begun to demand his own main every time we pick it up at the mailbox. Naisa is specifically sour when we won't give her something in an envelope after we've made a trip to the mailbox. But then, Naisa, when she Does receive something in the mail, she refuses to open it, instead to cherish looking at it. Probably fascinated with the smoothness of the envelope, and she brings it to the stash of mail that she has, placed in a special box (this special location changes every couple of days of so), and has asked me to tie a string around it and calls it her present.
Nana has reappeared (I found it behind a pile of unfolded (i.e. shoved) towels in the bathroom closet, and presented it to her, and it has taken on a different role, now that it has been several months since she last 'needed' it. Now it is a toy, and still a comfort at night, but no longer needed at nap time, and is sometimes forgotten. It also no longer exits the house, and remains quite clean, as she no longer r requires it to attend dinner with her. Yonah's blanket "blanket", on the other hand, could do with washing, as could Naisa's tutu (although I managed to sneak her tights in the the wash last week, knowing that we could use the dryer of our neighbor to speed the drying, because it was too cold out side.
Yonah's vocabulary has been expanding, slow and steady. New words that I have been hearing: brush, nina (he learned the name of Naisa's blanket. ha!) memaw, josh (that's ben's cousin), milk, eat (I hear this, sometimes at 4:30 in the morning). Berries, banana, bread, milk, apple. and outside , and all done, and down and lots and lots of nonsense language that tends to be much more descriptive about his present situation. This shows that you don't need to know a language to get your basic needs met. ha!
Lately, Yonah and Naisa love to play with the blankets we have in the living room: the big afghans and quilts. They lie wrapped in them, resting on the couch and on the floor, and I often hear contagious giggles when one throws the blanket on the other.
ah, I know everything is a phase, and these things, once bright and memorable in my mind, will pass away from my distinct memory.
Before Christmas, a little to much Katarina and Daniel Tiger has made its way into her brain and she desired to be a ballerina. She located a pair of tights (which we soon found were too small, because not amount of "hiking up" would amount them to stay over her bottom) and her pink "dress" (very much a shirt length now) and wore them incessantly.
Then, Naisa got a tutu for Christmas that she has not taken off... hardly. It is in the rotation of the three or four outfits that she changes to wear each day (a completely different story). Now the tutu is typically the bottom layer, followed by the pink, then, since it's winter, a purple shirt that has a mouse's face on it. (called the kitty mouse sweater, if you must know)
And she also wears a pair of pink tights that the elastic has been broken on for several weeks. . probably after the first week started wearing them, they no longer held themselves up. So we constantly see her tights on her knees, looking like the "stylish" or "cool" guys who attended my high school. On top of these, she wears a pair of ballet slippers that came with the tutu and sometimes her pink boots, which were also a Christmas present.
Naisa is very attached to these pink tights. She has an identical pair of tights in grey that she has not touched, and a pair of nylon tights that are pink and a pair that are white and these she also shuns.
Yonah has discovered the special-ness of the tutu, as Naisa calls it her "costume' and parades around the apartment, sometimes "dancing", but mostly playing, always the emphasis on the tutu. Yonah began to desire the tutu. Naisa has several bright and fluffy shirts to choose from and soon enough, we discovered Yonah putting on the tutu skirts, pulling them on over his pants as high as he could make them go: until the bottom of his diaper. He also learned the word and will say it anytime he is prompted, "tdutdu."
Naturally, one of us felt his little boy mind would be forever swerved toward tutus, and the the other thought a costume was a great idea, although it didn't have to be tutus. So when my sister was in town and we were at the thrift store, we found a barney and big bird costume (if you would call it that.... I call it his big bird hospital gown), and presented those to them. Yonah has lost interest in the tutus at large. He and Naisa are very creative with the toys.. and the not-toys that they play with. Yonah particularly likes the steamer, and the pots and plastic containers. Some have gone missing into the toy basket.
And Yonah and his stools! I cannot have my back turned, because he pulls his stool up the the silverware drawer, picks out a few to stick in his mouth, and puts a few dirty ones in the drawer. And so demanding is he to do the dishes! Every time I turn on the faucet, he runs over to me, hands above his head, ready to get them wet, screaming, "Dishes", which, to him, means, "run water on his hands for at least five minutes, and play with cups on water, typically pouring water out of the sink, onto his clothes.
The obsession with mail in our apartment is out of control. Naisa receives a card or letter in the mail at least once a week, and Yonah has noticed and has begun to demand his own main every time we pick it up at the mailbox. Naisa is specifically sour when we won't give her something in an envelope after we've made a trip to the mailbox. But then, Naisa, when she Does receive something in the mail, she refuses to open it, instead to cherish looking at it. Probably fascinated with the smoothness of the envelope, and she brings it to the stash of mail that she has, placed in a special box (this special location changes every couple of days of so), and has asked me to tie a string around it and calls it her present.
Nana has reappeared (I found it behind a pile of unfolded (i.e. shoved) towels in the bathroom closet, and presented it to her, and it has taken on a different role, now that it has been several months since she last 'needed' it. Now it is a toy, and still a comfort at night, but no longer needed at nap time, and is sometimes forgotten. It also no longer exits the house, and remains quite clean, as she no longer r requires it to attend dinner with her. Yonah's blanket "blanket", on the other hand, could do with washing, as could Naisa's tutu (although I managed to sneak her tights in the the wash last week, knowing that we could use the dryer of our neighbor to speed the drying, because it was too cold out side.
Yonah's vocabulary has been expanding, slow and steady. New words that I have been hearing: brush, nina (he learned the name of Naisa's blanket. ha!) memaw, josh (that's ben's cousin), milk, eat (I hear this, sometimes at 4:30 in the morning). Berries, banana, bread, milk, apple. and outside , and all done, and down and lots and lots of nonsense language that tends to be much more descriptive about his present situation. This shows that you don't need to know a language to get your basic needs met. ha!
Lately, Yonah and Naisa love to play with the blankets we have in the living room: the big afghans and quilts. They lie wrapped in them, resting on the couch and on the floor, and I often hear contagious giggles when one throws the blanket on the other.
ah, I know everything is a phase, and these things, once bright and memorable in my mind, will pass away from my distinct memory.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
לֹלמוד עברית (Learning Hebrew)
At the beginning of the year, Ben found website called italki.com that connected people who wnted to learn a language with a tutor that is a certified teacher in teaching the language of their choice.
Ben has been interested in learning Hebrew since 2013 when we started learning Biblical Hebrew. Then last summer we got Modern Hebrew on Rosetta Stone. It was challenging to adjust to the letters and the completely different soundinh words, but the familiarity has become second nature for many words now.
When he found this site, and found some teachers that looked high quality and worth checking out, we decided to do some trial lessons and see how it went. It went really well and we have been taking lessons for a month now and we have improved drastically. The motivation level helps when you have a weekly or biweekly lesson and homework to prepare for.
There was another website, called memrise, that has a community that puts together flash cards with audio on some for learning vocabulary. This has been a great motivating tool for me because I love competition (you get points for learning and reviewing words).
During a lesson, we use Skype and a Google Doc that we can both contribute to and work through topics that we need to learn and new vocabulary words. Today we we working on numbers and shmichoot (which is construct state) and more vocabulary. We have conversation, sometimes scripted and sometimes attempted natural. We also talk about our lives in English and we get to know our teachers.
The cost ranges from 20/hr to 30/hr for a certified teacher, but most languages are affordable, and one can always choose a language partner or community tutor that is not certified and pay less or not at all.
The goal is fluency in the home (!) and to teach our children this language, so it will be interesting to see where we are six months from now and one year from now. We plan on using our tutors for as long as it takes.
Have a question? Ask me!
Ben has been interested in learning Hebrew since 2013 when we started learning Biblical Hebrew. Then last summer we got Modern Hebrew on Rosetta Stone. It was challenging to adjust to the letters and the completely different soundinh words, but the familiarity has become second nature for many words now.
When he found this site, and found some teachers that looked high quality and worth checking out, we decided to do some trial lessons and see how it went. It went really well and we have been taking lessons for a month now and we have improved drastically. The motivation level helps when you have a weekly or biweekly lesson and homework to prepare for.
There was another website, called memrise, that has a community that puts together flash cards with audio on some for learning vocabulary. This has been a great motivating tool for me because I love competition (you get points for learning and reviewing words).
During a lesson, we use Skype and a Google Doc that we can both contribute to and work through topics that we need to learn and new vocabulary words. Today we we working on numbers and shmichoot (which is construct state) and more vocabulary. We have conversation, sometimes scripted and sometimes attempted natural. We also talk about our lives in English and we get to know our teachers.
The cost ranges from 20/hr to 30/hr for a certified teacher, but most languages are affordable, and one can always choose a language partner or community tutor that is not certified and pay less or not at all.
The goal is fluency in the home (!) and to teach our children this language, so it will be interesting to see where we are six months from now and one year from now. We plan on using our tutors for as long as it takes.
Have a question? Ask me!
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Being geniune and patient
What does it mean to be genuine as a Christian?
It means being kind when it's really hard, sometimes.
When we reach out to people, makes plans, and want to help change people to the right direction and there is no movement from the other side, it can be very hard to bounce back to, "That's okay, let's try again when you have time."
God changes hearts in his time, not ours. It is our calling to be Christ for them in the meantime. How would Jesus respond to someone who ignored your efforts to spend time with them? With grace.
So we must also have grace, even if we are very angry about it.
Let me just say, anger when someone cancels with no thought to your feelings is justified!
But do not act on that anger, or you will have shamed the name of Christ.
Think about it. If you have a developed friendship with a person, you may show them your frustration, but if this is someone you hardly know, when in doubt, show grace. If they do not apologize, still forgive them. They may not be in a place where they understand you are trying to help.
This is a great time to pull out that "Ya'll don't know me!" phrase. This is the front, the cover, the way a person protects themselves especially if they have been abused in their vulnerability before. This is the defense mechanism that has worked in the past, and gotten them through hard situations.
The most important thing is to admit that you really don't know what they are going through. Everything you see on the outside is multiplied by 100 on the inside. If they look hurt on the outside (or on facebook), know that that vulnerable human being needs and needs, but isn't ready for your Christianity yet.
Ugh ugh ugh
If someone is addicted to sex or drugs, you can show them Jesus but they might not take him seriously because they still have the needs they think they have for the sex or drugs. It's a hard road to walk with someone on. In my social work classes, we talked about meeting basic needs: food water shelter, then helping find a job, then working through their emotional deals, THEN (thenthenthenthenthen) spiritual needs can be discussed and paid attention to.
This is why we need to be Christ through food, water, shelter, clothing, and housing.
Now you understand.
So in my situation, there are other needs that need to be met. I need to be patient, and pray, because prayer is the most powerful thing we can do here on earth.
And show grace. and patience, and God will work.
It means being kind when it's really hard, sometimes.
When we reach out to people, makes plans, and want to help change people to the right direction and there is no movement from the other side, it can be very hard to bounce back to, "That's okay, let's try again when you have time."
God changes hearts in his time, not ours. It is our calling to be Christ for them in the meantime. How would Jesus respond to someone who ignored your efforts to spend time with them? With grace.
So we must also have grace, even if we are very angry about it.
Let me just say, anger when someone cancels with no thought to your feelings is justified!
But do not act on that anger, or you will have shamed the name of Christ.
Think about it. If you have a developed friendship with a person, you may show them your frustration, but if this is someone you hardly know, when in doubt, show grace. If they do not apologize, still forgive them. They may not be in a place where they understand you are trying to help.
This is a great time to pull out that "Ya'll don't know me!" phrase. This is the front, the cover, the way a person protects themselves especially if they have been abused in their vulnerability before. This is the defense mechanism that has worked in the past, and gotten them through hard situations.
The most important thing is to admit that you really don't know what they are going through. Everything you see on the outside is multiplied by 100 on the inside. If they look hurt on the outside (or on facebook), know that that vulnerable human being needs and needs, but isn't ready for your Christianity yet.
Ugh ugh ugh
If someone is addicted to sex or drugs, you can show them Jesus but they might not take him seriously because they still have the needs they think they have for the sex or drugs. It's a hard road to walk with someone on. In my social work classes, we talked about meeting basic needs: food water shelter, then helping find a job, then working through their emotional deals, THEN (thenthenthenthenthen) spiritual needs can be discussed and paid attention to.
This is why we need to be Christ through food, water, shelter, clothing, and housing.
Now you understand.
So in my situation, there are other needs that need to be met. I need to be patient, and pray, because prayer is the most powerful thing we can do here on earth.
And show grace. and patience, and God will work.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
thoughties!
I drink a lot of coffee. nothing like other people who drink coffee, but to me, I do.
I am struck by the generosity of friends. I appreciate you!
I'm looking forward to the snow we will be getting... and getting some extra water at the store so we are prepared if the power goes out.
I started a food accountability group on facebook. It has been going well so far. We shall see how it does in the long run! There are a good group of ladies involved and I love each of their contributions.
I am still leading the Bible study at mom's group. next week, we begin the last portion of 2 Peter. We have worked all the way through 1 Peter, starting mid November. This has been a good challenge for me.
I am determined to do a read the Bible in a year program this year. So far, I have fallen off the wagon and had to do some bulk reading days several times.
I read, "The First hostage" by Joel Rosenburg for a couple days last week (and I finished it). Talk about an adrenaline pumping book. I moaned loudly on and off for the last hundred pages or so because it was so intense.
I am doing really well with my weight loss! This past Monday I weighed in at 185.4 pounds. That is exciting to me! I love having visible progress! The pants that I started having to squeeze into are now getting rather comfortable to wear!
Nobody has gotten sick yet this winter--we have had a very mild winter, and the snow this weekend will be the first that will stick! I hope to be able to build snowmen with Naisa and Yonah!
I got a fitness tracker watch that I have been using (it does not attach to an app--that's what I wanted, I don't have a smart phone). I have been challenging myself a couple of times to get more steps in, because I am naturally a competitive person. Yesterday I decided to stand and step in place while I was watching videos on the computer instead of sitting at the desk. I got in almost 21000 steps yesterday! (I watched Harry Potter #1... so I was stepping for an hour then, and an hour while watchign the tonight show).
Now I am having a conversation argument with Naisa about why she can't watch anymore of her cartoon, so shalom everybody!
I am struck by the generosity of friends. I appreciate you!
I'm looking forward to the snow we will be getting... and getting some extra water at the store so we are prepared if the power goes out.
I started a food accountability group on facebook. It has been going well so far. We shall see how it does in the long run! There are a good group of ladies involved and I love each of their contributions.
I am still leading the Bible study at mom's group. next week, we begin the last portion of 2 Peter. We have worked all the way through 1 Peter, starting mid November. This has been a good challenge for me.
I am determined to do a read the Bible in a year program this year. So far, I have fallen off the wagon and had to do some bulk reading days several times.
I read, "The First hostage" by Joel Rosenburg for a couple days last week (and I finished it). Talk about an adrenaline pumping book. I moaned loudly on and off for the last hundred pages or so because it was so intense.
I am doing really well with my weight loss! This past Monday I weighed in at 185.4 pounds. That is exciting to me! I love having visible progress! The pants that I started having to squeeze into are now getting rather comfortable to wear!
Nobody has gotten sick yet this winter--we have had a very mild winter, and the snow this weekend will be the first that will stick! I hope to be able to build snowmen with Naisa and Yonah!
I got a fitness tracker watch that I have been using (it does not attach to an app--that's what I wanted, I don't have a smart phone). I have been challenging myself a couple of times to get more steps in, because I am naturally a competitive person. Yesterday I decided to stand and step in place while I was watching videos on the computer instead of sitting at the desk. I got in almost 21000 steps yesterday! (I watched Harry Potter #1... so I was stepping for an hour then, and an hour while watchign the tonight show).
Now I am having a conversation argument with Naisa about why she can't watch anymore of her cartoon, so shalom everybody!
Monday, January 11, 2016
reflecting briefly on 2015
This year has been a year of lots of changes:
I went from nursing exclusively to weaning at the beginning of November--Yonah went from 6 months old to 18 months old! He's a big growing boy!
We settled into our apartment and worked for Lifeway for most of the year, then at the end of September, Ben resigned and we started looking for jobs. We found a job listing in a newsletter called the Fishwrapper for a sales position that sounded too good to be true: well paid, company car, small Christian company. Ben did two interviews, and they offered him the position. He started at the beginning of December, just finished training last week, and is selling now. So far he loves it!
I have some comparing pictures to show you. These compare photos that I took of myself in January and then in mid December. I decided I wanted to be really intentional about documenting my body changes (although not excessively).
Between these two pictures, I lost 37.5 inches and 26.5 pounds. Take a look.
Although I lost some weight at the very beginning of the year, the majority of the pounds I lost were in the second half of the year, from July, and then really starting in November, when Yonah weaned.
I also started using myfitnesspal to count my calories and watch my portions, but most importantly, allow myself to actually eat and not deprive myself too much.
It was very challenging for me to lose weight while nursing. It is not for some people, but my body would not let go of the weight easily, and I would not let go of my portions easily.
This year for exercise, I have continued to use T-tapp as my main exercise system. With videos ranging from fifteen minutes (and still effective to lose inches), to slightly over an hour, I have lots of options. I don't kill myself with exercise, but I do attempt to be active over four hours in a week.
Before I had kids, I would run as my main exercise and I have not been able to run (except for a very brief period in 2013 with Laura) since having kids for various reasons, the main one being they are heavy and need to be entertained and so we have not run. When I found T-tapp, short videos that do not injure but instead heal the body and encourage spinal alignment and muscle density, I knew that I needed to try it. I love the videos and that I never reach a plateau with the exercises because they continually challenge.
I also have been dry brushing, which exfoliates the skin, stimulates the lymph, reduces cellulite, and can tighten skin. Let's be honest, I am banking on the tightening of the skin! Two pregnancies, and so far, sixty pounds gone and thirty to forty more to go, I need the tightening of the skin.
Dietarily: I have started going lighter on the gluten (and grains in general). Now, when I plan the menu, we will have rice or pasta for half the meals and the other half will have potatoes, either white or sweet. We buy organic whole wheat pasta, but I have started trying to decide if we should just get the brown rice pasta instead, because the kids like it just fine, and it doesn't take as much energy to cook (you boil for two minutes, then let it sit covered, in the pot for 12-20 minutes, off the heat).
If my husband were writing this blog, this blurb of information would have been first and the focus. We are studying modern Hebrew with several tutors, with the goal to be fluent and the goal to use it in some way with a job, and to teach it to our children.
!שלומ! אני והבּאל שלי לֹומדים עִברִית! אנחנו ללמידים לילדים שלנו
Yes I did just write that with my Hebrew QWERTY keyboard, so if it's not grammatically perfect, waa waa. I am learning.
Ben had a cyst cut out of his side this year, and we took a beating for the bills, but we were blessed financially this year, so it wasn't anything we couldn't bear.
I memorized James and the beginning of the year and have been working through 1 Peter with my mom's group (but not memorizing it at this time) and am going to start 2 Peter on Wednesday.
I think that's all the summary you need!
Be blessed this year!
Grace
I went from nursing exclusively to weaning at the beginning of November--Yonah went from 6 months old to 18 months old! He's a big growing boy!
We settled into our apartment and worked for Lifeway for most of the year, then at the end of September, Ben resigned and we started looking for jobs. We found a job listing in a newsletter called the Fishwrapper for a sales position that sounded too good to be true: well paid, company car, small Christian company. Ben did two interviews, and they offered him the position. He started at the beginning of December, just finished training last week, and is selling now. So far he loves it!
I have some comparing pictures to show you. These compare photos that I took of myself in January and then in mid December. I decided I wanted to be really intentional about documenting my body changes (although not excessively).
Between these two pictures, I lost 37.5 inches and 26.5 pounds. Take a look.
 |
| January 2015 (left) through December 2015 (right) |
Although I lost some weight at the very beginning of the year, the majority of the pounds I lost were in the second half of the year, from July, and then really starting in November, when Yonah weaned.
I also started using myfitnesspal to count my calories and watch my portions, but most importantly, allow myself to actually eat and not deprive myself too much.
It was very challenging for me to lose weight while nursing. It is not for some people, but my body would not let go of the weight easily, and I would not let go of my portions easily.
This year for exercise, I have continued to use T-tapp as my main exercise system. With videos ranging from fifteen minutes (and still effective to lose inches), to slightly over an hour, I have lots of options. I don't kill myself with exercise, but I do attempt to be active over four hours in a week.
Before I had kids, I would run as my main exercise and I have not been able to run (except for a very brief period in 2013 with Laura) since having kids for various reasons, the main one being they are heavy and need to be entertained and so we have not run. When I found T-tapp, short videos that do not injure but instead heal the body and encourage spinal alignment and muscle density, I knew that I needed to try it. I love the videos and that I never reach a plateau with the exercises because they continually challenge.
I also have been dry brushing, which exfoliates the skin, stimulates the lymph, reduces cellulite, and can tighten skin. Let's be honest, I am banking on the tightening of the skin! Two pregnancies, and so far, sixty pounds gone and thirty to forty more to go, I need the tightening of the skin.
Dietarily: I have started going lighter on the gluten (and grains in general). Now, when I plan the menu, we will have rice or pasta for half the meals and the other half will have potatoes, either white or sweet. We buy organic whole wheat pasta, but I have started trying to decide if we should just get the brown rice pasta instead, because the kids like it just fine, and it doesn't take as much energy to cook (you boil for two minutes, then let it sit covered, in the pot for 12-20 minutes, off the heat).
If my husband were writing this blog, this blurb of information would have been first and the focus. We are studying modern Hebrew with several tutors, with the goal to be fluent and the goal to use it in some way with a job, and to teach it to our children.
!שלומ! אני והבּאל שלי לֹומדים עִברִית! אנחנו ללמידים לילדים שלנו
Yes I did just write that with my Hebrew QWERTY keyboard, so if it's not grammatically perfect, waa waa. I am learning.
Ben had a cyst cut out of his side this year, and we took a beating for the bills, but we were blessed financially this year, so it wasn't anything we couldn't bear.
I memorized James and the beginning of the year and have been working through 1 Peter with my mom's group (but not memorizing it at this time) and am going to start 2 Peter on Wednesday.
I think that's all the summary you need!
Be blessed this year!
Grace
Thursday, December 24, 2015
ugh-liness in the world and where do you take your place?
I thought about cleaning the house for Christmas.
Then I sat down at the computer and thought about taking a nap, and went on Facebook and wrote a blog.
Is anyone else annoyed at social media and the way we are portrayed in general by social media.
I hate how the word 'porn' has become a normal word to describe things!
I hate how normalized it is about hard core sexuality is. People have become so graphic. On mainstream sites, you can find descriptions that are vulgar, demeaning, and normalized.
So sick of it.
I am also tired of how passive aggressive people are on Facebook. If you want to solve problems in the world, be the change. Get off the freaking computer and go do something meaningful.
Nobody ever wrote an article for news about how "such n such" meme made me go and save the world. I was tot's inspired by that, bruh.
Instead, they write any article that can get as many eyes as possible. Because views = money. That's why.
But, I hate to break it to you, money isn't going to solve your struggles or your pain.
Neither is power.
Only authentic love to others. if you have trouble understanding how to do authentic love, check out Jesus, he's a great example.
Hey everyone. If you want to see change in the world and you post about it on Facebook, get off Facebook, and go be who you are on Facebook for the world.
Deal with the grit in your teeth and the sand kicked in your face in real life, and love those people too.
The best way to bless someone is the show it to them, in real life.
The best way to see change in the world is the change yourself and grow into a different person than you once were.
in other thoughts, whether we like it or not, polarization is happening, and should be happening. We should not be lukewarm Christians trying to blend in to the sick, depraved culture that this world is now. We need to be the light, because, let's face it, the world is so FRICKIN DARK.
Blackout everywhere.
So be on the side where you know, without a doubt you are right. There shouldn't be any ifs.
I've been pro choice before, but there are "if's". Killing children for the convenience of others isn't right, period.
Nope. Na-nope. Don't interrupt. Nope.
Political views are personal, and thus, need to reflect my personal life.
This country, as a nation, is not a Christian nation. We want them to be, but they have been gone for awhile. So when our country makes decisions that are unChristian, the reason is clear. But if it is against what we personally believe, then we need to say it.
Don't be in the middle ground. Don't participate if you know it's wrong.
Be a light.
Being on the other side of the Christmas presents
Well it took three years... but we finally got our Christmas spirit on!
We have a tree. We have lights on the tree. I practiced and played "Have yourselve a Merry Little Christmas" for the Delp family gathering. It was great for me to stretch my piano muscles and lern something new that wasn't just something that I wrote.
We have a wreath that i created.
I made some chocolate.
And I did Christmas shopping for my kiddos.
We did stockings and the Dollar Tree served us well.
We got some nice toys that wer grown out of for Naisa.
We have gifts. They are wrapped. They will be under the tree. On Christmas morning. For kids to unwrap. and we are going to have stockings! And we are going to have hot chocolate and a yummy Christmas morning breakfast. :D
We are having a fantastic Christmas Eve dinner ! Thai coconut curry!! :D
We have a tree. We have lights on the tree. I practiced and played "Have yourselve a Merry Little Christmas" for the Delp family gathering. It was great for me to stretch my piano muscles and lern something new that wasn't just something that I wrote.
We have a wreath that i created.
I made some chocolate.
And I did Christmas shopping for my kiddos.
We did stockings and the Dollar Tree served us well.
We got some nice toys that wer grown out of for Naisa.
We have gifts. They are wrapped. They will be under the tree. On Christmas morning. For kids to unwrap. and we are going to have stockings! And we are going to have hot chocolate and a yummy Christmas morning breakfast. :D
We are having a fantastic Christmas Eve dinner ! Thai coconut curry!! :D
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Liver cleanse: Aftermath and how I feel
Yesterday (Wednesday) was the Flush (the toilet) day! Here's my thoughts!
Gallstones and Liver stones
At noon I felt the surges and right after mom's group, I had my first poo and I was surprised at the size of the stones! They were large! almost an inch in diameter, some of them. And then smaller. And so many! Between the several times I went to the bathroom I would say that I passed a hundred of them, many, many small stones, but also the larger ones. I don't think I would have been able to pass those without doing this cleanse, in which I used Livertrex to soften and start to dissolve the stones.
I am very thankful that I had this cleanse, because without it, I may have had to have my gallbladder removed.
Weight Loss:
Today I weighed myself and was down three pounds, putting me now at 190.8. This was a goal of mine, do be under 191 because we can get a discount on our health care sharing per month.
Energy:
I do feel I have more energy! Last night when I went to bed at 9 (and I got up before 6 that morning) I wasn't exhausted.
Adjusting back to the non-cleanse diet:
I'm going to be completely honest. I jumped right in to eating the things that I missed the most when i wasn't cleansing.
(Raw, grass-fed) Cow's milk? √
(homemade whole wheat) Bread? √
Cheese? √
(grass-fed) Steak? √
Don't worry! I also had veggies! and ate lighter at dinner.
Things I learned:
During the cleanse there were several times when I was hungry and I just didn't have the option to eat, or it was bed time and I couldn't eat more. So I just dealt with being hungry.
This was good for me. It is important to be able to be hungry sometimes and just exist with it.
It is now easier for me to be hungry and not feel urgency that I need to eat.
I also learned that five meals a day works pretty well for me. I don't feel as hungry and the smaller meals are manageable. And I think my stomach shrunk getting used to eating five meals.
Drinking the olive oil wasn't the hard part: keeping the olive oil down was.
It was very important to have the high-fat filling foods readily available for almost every meal (not breakfast). I had nuts mid-morning, an avocado with lunch, nuts mid afternoon, and another avocado with dinner. I would have had a lot more trouble if I couldn't have the fat.
Conclusion:
I feel better. I liked the cleanse overall, though there were occasional unpleasant things. The Roxy-powder was very effective, and I never felt dehydrated from it. The livertrex's taste was mild and tolerable and the acv and water tonic was very mild. The Epsom salts in water was very bitter, but it was only 8oz, so also tolerable. The olive oil was icky, but when drunk with orange juice as a chaser, it was just fine. This cleanse did not have any negative side-effects for me. My body feels better! Remember, I'm only 24 and I had lots of stones. Depending on your lifestyle, you may or may not have stones as well.
I highly recommend this cleanse for anyone thinking about it.
Would you do a liver cleanse? Do you think you could do it?
See my liver cleanse day 1-2 here.
See day 3-4 here.
See day 5 (flush day) here.
Gallstones and Liver stones
At noon I felt the surges and right after mom's group, I had my first poo and I was surprised at the size of the stones! They were large! almost an inch in diameter, some of them. And then smaller. And so many! Between the several times I went to the bathroom I would say that I passed a hundred of them, many, many small stones, but also the larger ones. I don't think I would have been able to pass those without doing this cleanse, in which I used Livertrex to soften and start to dissolve the stones.
I am very thankful that I had this cleanse, because without it, I may have had to have my gallbladder removed.
Weight Loss:
Today I weighed myself and was down three pounds, putting me now at 190.8. This was a goal of mine, do be under 191 because we can get a discount on our health care sharing per month.
Energy:
I do feel I have more energy! Last night when I went to bed at 9 (and I got up before 6 that morning) I wasn't exhausted.
Adjusting back to the non-cleanse diet:
I'm going to be completely honest. I jumped right in to eating the things that I missed the most when i wasn't cleansing.
(Raw, grass-fed) Cow's milk? √
(homemade whole wheat) Bread? √
Cheese? √
(grass-fed) Steak? √
Don't worry! I also had veggies! and ate lighter at dinner.
Things I learned:
During the cleanse there were several times when I was hungry and I just didn't have the option to eat, or it was bed time and I couldn't eat more. So I just dealt with being hungry.
This was good for me. It is important to be able to be hungry sometimes and just exist with it.
It is now easier for me to be hungry and not feel urgency that I need to eat.
I also learned that five meals a day works pretty well for me. I don't feel as hungry and the smaller meals are manageable. And I think my stomach shrunk getting used to eating five meals.
Drinking the olive oil wasn't the hard part: keeping the olive oil down was.
It was very important to have the high-fat filling foods readily available for almost every meal (not breakfast). I had nuts mid-morning, an avocado with lunch, nuts mid afternoon, and another avocado with dinner. I would have had a lot more trouble if I couldn't have the fat.
Conclusion:
I feel better. I liked the cleanse overall, though there were occasional unpleasant things. The Roxy-powder was very effective, and I never felt dehydrated from it. The livertrex's taste was mild and tolerable and the acv and water tonic was very mild. The Epsom salts in water was very bitter, but it was only 8oz, so also tolerable. The olive oil was icky, but when drunk with orange juice as a chaser, it was just fine. This cleanse did not have any negative side-effects for me. My body feels better! Remember, I'm only 24 and I had lots of stones. Depending on your lifestyle, you may or may not have stones as well.
I highly recommend this cleanse for anyone thinking about it.
Would you do a liver cleanse? Do you think you could do it?
See my liver cleanse day 1-2 here.
See day 3-4 here.
See day 5 (flush day) here.
Wednesday, December 09, 2015
Liver cleanse: day 5 flush day
Day 5: Today is flush day! It's different because I don't have shorter times between meals, which is hard. It is also hard because my day started extra early! Ben's day begins an hour earlier so we got up at 5am. I was able to enjoy several hours of quiet time this morning, because they slept in until 8:30.
Here are some foodtos (see how I did that?) for visual effect!
See liver cleanse day 1-2 here!
See liver cleanse day 3-4 here!
 |
| breakfast: watermelon |
 |
| Foods I used in this cleanse (minus the dried apples in the back: watermelons, avocados, walnuts, olive oil |
 |
| A sample lunch: 1 lb cauliflower, 4c kale, 3 garlic cloves, and one avocado (not pictured) |
 |
| Cooked and mashed. |
 |
| My flush day juice, pre juice! |
 |
| Juice! Love the ginger! See my liver cleanse schedule on the fridge! |
 |
| Juice enjoys the outdoors from afar. |
So I have felt more hungry today because of the breaks between eating, but it's not the end of the world. Next is epsom salts at 6pm, for 'dinner'. (hahaha) then my late evening snack is olive oil and OJ. yum
I felt pretty weak in the morning, and frustrated when I was at the grocery store (though that is more from the grocery cart (do they EVER fix those???) or the toddler pressing hard against me saying "out" of the carrier.
I had two avocados with lemon for lunch, and then at three I made the juice seen in the picture. It kept me feeling full for three hours. . . and is the only thing I had until I did the oil chug.
I chugged the Epsom salt in water at 5:30. The technique for drinking things that are yucky is to do a deep inhale, then exhale and don't breathe while drinking. This is because you don't taste it as much when you aren't breathing. I only tasted the bitterness afterward. I took a video of that, but it is uneventful.
The came 8pm. I was starting to over think it, so I just had to do it. The oil was slightly thicker than I anticipated, but I took a gulp of it then a big gulp of orange juice and I was back at neutral (not grossed out ready to vomit). I finished it, then lay on my side, and knew it was doing something in my liver because I could feel some discomfort.
Then I went to bed. I couldn't sleep because I was so nauseous (vomiting is, by the way, a valid way to remove toxins). So I i threw up around ten, and then I slept much better. When I woke up before six and still felt generally unwell. So I had a cup of orange juice and took the last Oxy powder for the cleanse. I feel almost better, but the idea of olive oil makes me want to vomit.
today is literal flush day. Flush the toilet day! I will be removing toxins all day today and probably some tomorrow! Looking forward to it.
I had two avocados with lemon for lunch, and then at three I made the juice seen in the picture. It kept me feeling full for three hours. . . and is the only thing I had until I did the oil chug.
I chugged the Epsom salt in water at 5:30. The technique for drinking things that are yucky is to do a deep inhale, then exhale and don't breathe while drinking. This is because you don't taste it as much when you aren't breathing. I only tasted the bitterness afterward. I took a video of that, but it is uneventful.
The came 8pm. I was starting to over think it, so I just had to do it. The oil was slightly thicker than I anticipated, but I took a gulp of it then a big gulp of orange juice and I was back at neutral (not grossed out ready to vomit). I finished it, then lay on my side, and knew it was doing something in my liver because I could feel some discomfort.
Then I went to bed. I couldn't sleep because I was so nauseous (vomiting is, by the way, a valid way to remove toxins). So I i threw up around ten, and then I slept much better. When I woke up before six and still felt generally unwell. So I had a cup of orange juice and took the last Oxy powder for the cleanse. I feel almost better, but the idea of olive oil makes me want to vomit.
today is literal flush day. Flush the toilet day! I will be removing toxins all day today and probably some tomorrow! Looking forward to it.
See liver cleanse day 1-2 here!
See liver cleanse day 3-4 here!
Tuesday, December 08, 2015
Liver cleanse day 3 & 4
This liver cleanse is five days long, and today I begin the fifth day. Today is the day when I get to chug the olive oil, which I am (obviously) looking forward to like a trip to the zoo! (not)
Here's how Sunday (day #3) and Monday (day #4) went!
Sunday
Sunday morning began early: the oxypowder was working! At 4am, 6:45am, then 8am I was at the elimination station. As can be expected, I felt a good bit weaker today, and hungrier at other times.
I made do with the veggies allowed and made a tasty and filling mashed garlic, cauliflower, and kale "mashed potato", with an avocado. If I felt like perfection (and extra dishes to wash) I would have put it in the food processor until the kale was thoroughly incorporated. So naturally I used the hand masher and chewed my own kale. It was very, very filling! I couldn't finish it, and I typically I have a ravenous appetite. But as the cleanse has gone on, I have less and less of an appetite (could it be my food choices?? Perhaps!)
I did not feel too bad other than the weakness in the morning, but I did have a slight headache after my dinner juice. (My friend Shelah gave us a juicer to use, and I love having it around!) I used two beets with their greens, two carrots, at least six kale leaves (also from Shelah's garden!), and a lemon which I peeled, and also had an avocado (which I couldn't finish). It made 16 oz of juice. I was not hungry later that evening, but thirsty!
That evening, I had a mild headache for a small amount of time. I did not workout on this day. Not important info, but my caloric intake for this day was right around 1500 calories. This is very low for me (not too low, just lower).
I SO wanted to eat the dinner I made for the family, and the leftovers in the fridge!, but I didn't need them.
Monday
I felt incredulous that I have made it through to day #4. The first time I looked at the detox (I was still nursing Yonah at the time, and thus, eating very much, very often, I was having a hard time imagining myself making it through a cleanse with no meat and no grains. However, I learned this great phrase from a support group for T-tapp (the workout I do). It is to say to yourself, "Thank you for your opinion," after you have feelings of, "I don't wanna workout," or "It's too hard, I don't wanna do this cleanse." This has made a difference in my exercise and my food habits!
I had the early morning run to the pot and then three more throughout the day for a total of four total for day #4. I had incredible amounts of thirst today, so I was drinking the most of the ACV water today.
I had watermelon for breakfast, almonds for a snack, and did the mashed cauliflower again for lunch, and couldn't finish it again. I had a snack of walnuts, then for dinner I had an avocado and two cups of the mixed veggies my family had at dinner. It's not on the recommended veggie list (except carrots), but I have been so good, it was okay for me to have this little wiggle as I toe the line. I made my family freaking steak (from our grass fed quarter), so I deserve my mixed veggies....(what a rationalization.... ugh. I AM ALMOST DONE!)
(and just for reference, the diet plan on the instructions, although very specific about the veggies and foods you are supposed to eat, has a big gaping grey area between the rules of things you most definitely should not eat. So, for example, they say don't have cow's milk, but almond or hemp milk is ok during the cleanse, but no where in the daily plan of food does it give any room anywhere for hemp milk to be included. Ok, rabbit trail over.)
After dinner, besides getting over myself emotionally (wanting steak, wanting cheese, wanting beans and rice, wanting cow's milk, wanting chocolate, wanting ice cream... etc etc etc until the end of the food chain!), I started feeling a little more un well, slightly more nauseous than the night before, slightly more icky in the belly. I welcomed the bed time before nine.
In general, I have felt a little like I'm in a haze, more specifically, when I am doing something where I have to invest significant amounts of concentration (practicing a piano piece), and switching back and forth between the focusing on that and then (obviously) breaking up fights between my children and managing a couple situations at once.
Coming soon! How Tuesday's oil chugging goes!
See how day 1 & 2 went right here.
See how day 5 (FLUSH DAY) went right here.
Here's how Sunday (day #3) and Monday (day #4) went!
Sunday
Sunday morning began early: the oxypowder was working! At 4am, 6:45am, then 8am I was at the elimination station. As can be expected, I felt a good bit weaker today, and hungrier at other times.
I made do with the veggies allowed and made a tasty and filling mashed garlic, cauliflower, and kale "mashed potato", with an avocado. If I felt like perfection (and extra dishes to wash) I would have put it in the food processor until the kale was thoroughly incorporated. So naturally I used the hand masher and chewed my own kale. It was very, very filling! I couldn't finish it, and I typically I have a ravenous appetite. But as the cleanse has gone on, I have less and less of an appetite (could it be my food choices?? Perhaps!)
I did not feel too bad other than the weakness in the morning, but I did have a slight headache after my dinner juice. (My friend Shelah gave us a juicer to use, and I love having it around!) I used two beets with their greens, two carrots, at least six kale leaves (also from Shelah's garden!), and a lemon which I peeled, and also had an avocado (which I couldn't finish). It made 16 oz of juice. I was not hungry later that evening, but thirsty!
That evening, I had a mild headache for a small amount of time. I did not workout on this day. Not important info, but my caloric intake for this day was right around 1500 calories. This is very low for me (not too low, just lower).
I SO wanted to eat the dinner I made for the family, and the leftovers in the fridge!, but I didn't need them.
Monday
I felt incredulous that I have made it through to day #4. The first time I looked at the detox (I was still nursing Yonah at the time, and thus, eating very much, very often, I was having a hard time imagining myself making it through a cleanse with no meat and no grains. However, I learned this great phrase from a support group for T-tapp (the workout I do). It is to say to yourself, "Thank you for your opinion," after you have feelings of, "I don't wanna workout," or "It's too hard, I don't wanna do this cleanse." This has made a difference in my exercise and my food habits!
I had the early morning run to the pot and then three more throughout the day for a total of four total for day #4. I had incredible amounts of thirst today, so I was drinking the most of the ACV water today.
I had watermelon for breakfast, almonds for a snack, and did the mashed cauliflower again for lunch, and couldn't finish it again. I had a snack of walnuts, then for dinner I had an avocado and two cups of the mixed veggies my family had at dinner. It's not on the recommended veggie list (except carrots), but I have been so good, it was okay for me to have this little wiggle as I toe the line. I made my family freaking steak (from our grass fed quarter), so I deserve my mixed veggies....(what a rationalization.... ugh. I AM ALMOST DONE!)
(and just for reference, the diet plan on the instructions, although very specific about the veggies and foods you are supposed to eat, has a big gaping grey area between the rules of things you most definitely should not eat. So, for example, they say don't have cow's milk, but almond or hemp milk is ok during the cleanse, but no where in the daily plan of food does it give any room anywhere for hemp milk to be included. Ok, rabbit trail over.)
After dinner, besides getting over myself emotionally (wanting steak, wanting cheese, wanting beans and rice, wanting cow's milk, wanting chocolate, wanting ice cream... etc etc etc until the end of the food chain!), I started feeling a little more un well, slightly more nauseous than the night before, slightly more icky in the belly. I welcomed the bed time before nine.
In general, I have felt a little like I'm in a haze, more specifically, when I am doing something where I have to invest significant amounts of concentration (practicing a piano piece), and switching back and forth between the focusing on that and then (obviously) breaking up fights between my children and managing a couple situations at once.
Coming soon! How Tuesday's oil chugging goes!
See how day 1 & 2 went right here.
See how day 5 (FLUSH DAY) went right here.
Sunday, December 06, 2015
Liver cleanse, day 1-2
Many of you know that I had some gall bladder attacks for an extended period of time after Yonah was born. Thankfully they dwindled off and I didn't have to seek medical attention for my gall bladder. I reached my goal of nursing Yonah until he wanted to stop. He weaned himself at the end of October (16.5 months) and then I was home free to finally regulate my eating habits, jumpstart my weight loss, and the not so fun part: cleanse my gall bladder and liver. I was going to wait until after Christmas to do the cleanse, because it was going to be one of my christmas presents. Unfortunately, over thanksgiving, I had a familiar pain creep into my right side and I knew what it was: my gall bladder reminding me I needed to do some holiday cleaning. So I ordered the Liver Cleanse Kit from Global Healing Center on Black Friday (although I should have waited until Cyber Monday, because I could have saved $15), and it arrived on Friday.
Why I chose this cleanse: I wanted to follow a specific, doctor-created and doctor-recommended cleanse. This had specific directions for diet and had a colon cleansing component. I discovered this cleanse when I viewed the documentary series called "The Truth About Cancer", where this doctor was featured and he specifically discussed the tonic that he created that helped loosen and dissolve gall and liver stones as a part of a liver cleanse. Since I figured i needed all the help I could get, I decided that this was going to be the cleanse I was going to do. I read the directions and looked at the diet and decided that I was going to suck it up and do no dairy and no meat for five days. It also has a flushing component that was similar to over gallbladder cleanses I had read about.
The products I am using:
OxyPowder: This is the colon cleanser: It loosens your stool and uses ozonated magnesium oxides to help dissolve the impacted stool that is residue on your colon. Most people have impacted stool on their colon unless they recently had a diarrhea virus. :P
Latero Flora: This is the probiotic that you take at the same time as the Oxypowder. This bacteria repopulates your colon in a positive way while the Oxy Powder is dissolving your old crap. (hahaha)
Livertrex: this is the tonic I was excited about! These are the ingredients: the formula is called: Spagyrex® formula. It is made with vegetable glycerin, and the proprietary blend is this: Borotutu bark, Yellow dock (root), Dandelion (root), Chanca Piedra (herb), Chicory root, milk thistle (seed), turmeric (rhizome), peppermint leaf, fulvic acid. All ingredients are either organic or wildcrafted.
This is the diet:
I have a fruit breakfast, wait an hour, have the Livertrex in water, wait an hour, have acv water with nuts, wait an hour, have the Livertrex water, wait an hour, have a veggie lunch with acv water, wait an hour, have Livertrex water, wait an hour, have nuts and acv water, wait an hour, have Livertrex water, wait an hour and have veggie dinner with acv, then I take Oxy powder and LateroFlora before bed.
Now to how it is going!
Day 1 wasn't hard: I felt a little hungrier a the end of the day, but I just had some more nuts, as recommended and wasn't hungry at night.
Day 2: This day was harder. I did not feel too bad in the morning: I did a portion of a workout. I also had a slight headache in the morning that got more pointed after lunch and gained some nausea and smell sensitivity. This went away after about 20 minutes. At the end of the day I had a second loose poo and then felt worse then. I also had negative thoughts about the food I was eating while my family was having pasta in meat sauce for dinner. but I got over myself and didn't have any of it at all. I took the recommended amount of the Oxy Powder and Latero Flora before bed.
See how day 3 - 4 went here!
See how flush day (day 5) went here!
Why I chose this cleanse: I wanted to follow a specific, doctor-created and doctor-recommended cleanse. This had specific directions for diet and had a colon cleansing component. I discovered this cleanse when I viewed the documentary series called "The Truth About Cancer", where this doctor was featured and he specifically discussed the tonic that he created that helped loosen and dissolve gall and liver stones as a part of a liver cleanse. Since I figured i needed all the help I could get, I decided that this was going to be the cleanse I was going to do. I read the directions and looked at the diet and decided that I was going to suck it up and do no dairy and no meat for five days. It also has a flushing component that was similar to over gallbladder cleanses I had read about.
 |
| http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/about/dr-group |
 |
| http://www.oxypowder.com/wp-content/themes/oxypowder/images/colon-cleanse-oxy-powder.jpg |
OxyPowder: This is the colon cleanser: It loosens your stool and uses ozonated magnesium oxides to help dissolve the impacted stool that is residue on your colon. Most people have impacted stool on their colon unless they recently had a diarrhea virus. :P
 |
| http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/l/a/latero_temp.jpg |
Latero Flora: This is the probiotic that you take at the same time as the Oxypowder. This bacteria repopulates your colon in a positive way while the Oxy Powder is dissolving your old crap. (hahaha)
Livertrex: this is the tonic I was excited about! These are the ingredients: the formula is called: Spagyrex® formula. It is made with vegetable glycerin, and the proprietary blend is this: Borotutu bark, Yellow dock (root), Dandelion (root), Chanca Piedra (herb), Chicory root, milk thistle (seed), turmeric (rhizome), peppermint leaf, fulvic acid. All ingredients are either organic or wildcrafted.
This is the diet:
I have a fruit breakfast, wait an hour, have the Livertrex in water, wait an hour, have acv water with nuts, wait an hour, have the Livertrex water, wait an hour, have a veggie lunch with acv water, wait an hour, have Livertrex water, wait an hour, have nuts and acv water, wait an hour, have Livertrex water, wait an hour and have veggie dinner with acv, then I take Oxy powder and LateroFlora before bed.
Now to how it is going!
Day 1 wasn't hard: I felt a little hungrier a the end of the day, but I just had some more nuts, as recommended and wasn't hungry at night.
Day 2: This day was harder. I did not feel too bad in the morning: I did a portion of a workout. I also had a slight headache in the morning that got more pointed after lunch and gained some nausea and smell sensitivity. This went away after about 20 minutes. At the end of the day I had a second loose poo and then felt worse then. I also had negative thoughts about the food I was eating while my family was having pasta in meat sauce for dinner. but I got over myself and didn't have any of it at all. I took the recommended amount of the Oxy Powder and Latero Flora before bed.
See how day 3 - 4 went here!
See how flush day (day 5) went here!
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Liver cleanse prep
I have ordered the kit (from here.)
I picked a day to start: December 10 (It's not over Mom's group)
Now I have to prepare mentally.
No grains. No coffee. No cheese. No butter. No meat.
I am going to follow this cleanse (almost) to a T.
The only thing I plan to do differently is to supplement with Collagen Hydrosate, which has glycine (an amino acid that is very important to detoxification) throughout my days. This is animal protein and I feel decent about using it. I've also decided that bone broth is a great choice (as long as it's from the pasture chickens and beef and not from the turkey that we got for free).
This is a fruit (in the morning for breakfast), nut/seed, and vegetable fast.
I am to focus specifically on certain fruits, veggies, and nuts to achieve the best results.
In order to prepare for that, I have picked the fruit I will be consuming ahead of time, so that I can purchase them ahead of time.
Fruits recommended for breakfast:
Watermelon, papaya, kiwi, plum, pear, apple, cheers, figs, or grapefruit.
Not very many of those are in season right now. So I will probably get watermelons (from Costco) and grapefruits. You can eat as many as you want, so I will plan for two g-fruits or a quarter of a small watermelon (4 cups of fruit).
Then for lunch and dinner, you can have a veggie mix or soup from these veggies:
artichoke, asparagus, avocado, carrots, beets, broccoli, cabbage, kale, brussel sprouts, b, spinach, romaine lettuce, salad greens, onions, cauliflower.
I will be focusing on those that are in season (and are readily available).
Snack time can be a handful of nuts:
sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, walnuts, brazil nuts, almonds.
Since we have a bumper crop of walnuts from the trees around our apartment, I will be eating walnuts during this time.
I will be drinking water with the liver cleanse tincture, and also water with apple cider vinegar during this time, and also taking a probiotic and a ozonated magnesium oxide that will be gently cleansing my colon (it is very important to have an open passageway for the liver and gallbladder toxins to exit).
I am looking forward to this cleanse, which is five days long, and I will be updating as I go.
I picked a day to start: December 10 (It's not over Mom's group)
 |
| http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/liver-cleanse-kit.html |
Now I have to prepare mentally.
No grains. No coffee. No cheese. No butter. No meat.
I am going to follow this cleanse (almost) to a T.
The only thing I plan to do differently is to supplement with Collagen Hydrosate, which has glycine (an amino acid that is very important to detoxification) throughout my days. This is animal protein and I feel decent about using it. I've also decided that bone broth is a great choice (as long as it's from the pasture chickens and beef and not from the turkey that we got for free).
This is a fruit (in the morning for breakfast), nut/seed, and vegetable fast.
I am to focus specifically on certain fruits, veggies, and nuts to achieve the best results.
In order to prepare for that, I have picked the fruit I will be consuming ahead of time, so that I can purchase them ahead of time.
Fruits recommended for breakfast:
Watermelon, papaya, kiwi, plum, pear, apple, cheers, figs, or grapefruit.
Not very many of those are in season right now. So I will probably get watermelons (from Costco) and grapefruits. You can eat as many as you want, so I will plan for two g-fruits or a quarter of a small watermelon (4 cups of fruit).
Then for lunch and dinner, you can have a veggie mix or soup from these veggies:
artichoke, asparagus, avocado, carrots, beets, broccoli, cabbage, kale, brussel sprouts, b, spinach, romaine lettuce, salad greens, onions, cauliflower.
I will be focusing on those that are in season (and are readily available).
Snack time can be a handful of nuts:
sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, walnuts, brazil nuts, almonds.
Since we have a bumper crop of walnuts from the trees around our apartment, I will be eating walnuts during this time.
I will be drinking water with the liver cleanse tincture, and also water with apple cider vinegar during this time, and also taking a probiotic and a ozonated magnesium oxide that will be gently cleansing my colon (it is very important to have an open passageway for the liver and gallbladder toxins to exit).
I am looking forward to this cleanse, which is five days long, and I will be updating as I go.
Thanksgiving
WE had a great Thanksgiving weekend!
I loved being able to spend thanksgiving in West Virginia with my family there, and also seeing the Engle grandparents in Harrisonburg.
Things I was thankful for this week:
A Delp thanksgiving gathering that had much less stress!
Lots of laughter and continuing to get to know them!
Braiding hair!
Lots of Laughter!
Being able to drink wine (for the first time, like, ever!)
Kids having a great time playing for hours with Ben's cousins and uncles and aunts.
Not having any struggles not eating dessert
Being able to continue my workouts.
Mom and Dad coming on Monday.
bringing Christmas carols for me to play on the piano
and a box full of elementary school memories.
and some beef to hold us over for our own quarter
Ben and I got to take two dates: a hike near the Susequehanna
and a coffee break in the morning.
We roasted our own turkey (given to us by our sweet landlord)
We drove out to West Virginia Thursday morning with no traffic or car issues
we weren't the last ones there. :P
Got to see Grandma and Dave and we were well appreciated.
Yonah loved Sarah and Matt's dogs (and Naisa tolerated them from someone's arms)
Naisa and Yonah got plenty of grandparent time
and Ben and I got to visit with family and have great conversation!
It was just enough, and then we left for Harrisonburg.
We ate dinner with Grandma and Grandpa and it was a simple Ethiopian. :)
Grandma knows me well.
We played ten thousand, and I won both games. . . I had a straight that came all the way around back to me. I had ginger tea and a back manipulation and my gall bladder felt better.
We had Ethiopian coffee and Mom and Dad were able to be there for that too.
I got to walk in the fresh air to Red Front and back with Yonah.
Our drive home was uneventful as well.
I finished up my prep for my study on the car ride.
Ben got rest and got up at nine yesterday morning.
I got to exercise in peace.
I cleaned some more interesting parts of the apartment (sorting clothes and cleaning the fridge)
The kids and I went outside even though it wasn't beautiful out: cloudy and an occasional drop of rain, and we still enjoyed being outside and breathed the fresh air.
Today we are planning on getting our tree.
I am pretty excited about the season.
I loved being able to spend thanksgiving in West Virginia with my family there, and also seeing the Engle grandparents in Harrisonburg.
Things I was thankful for this week:
A Delp thanksgiving gathering that had much less stress!
Lots of laughter and continuing to get to know them!
Braiding hair!
Lots of Laughter!
Being able to drink wine (for the first time, like, ever!)
Kids having a great time playing for hours with Ben's cousins and uncles and aunts.
Not having any struggles not eating dessert
Being able to continue my workouts.
Mom and Dad coming on Monday.
bringing Christmas carols for me to play on the piano
and a box full of elementary school memories.
and some beef to hold us over for our own quarter
Ben and I got to take two dates: a hike near the Susequehanna
and a coffee break in the morning.
We roasted our own turkey (given to us by our sweet landlord)
We drove out to West Virginia Thursday morning with no traffic or car issues
we weren't the last ones there. :P
Got to see Grandma and Dave and we were well appreciated.
Yonah loved Sarah and Matt's dogs (and Naisa tolerated them from someone's arms)
Naisa and Yonah got plenty of grandparent time
and Ben and I got to visit with family and have great conversation!
It was just enough, and then we left for Harrisonburg.
We ate dinner with Grandma and Grandpa and it was a simple Ethiopian. :)
Grandma knows me well.
We played ten thousand, and I won both games. . . I had a straight that came all the way around back to me. I had ginger tea and a back manipulation and my gall bladder felt better.
We had Ethiopian coffee and Mom and Dad were able to be there for that too.
I got to walk in the fresh air to Red Front and back with Yonah.
Our drive home was uneventful as well.
I finished up my prep for my study on the car ride.
Ben got rest and got up at nine yesterday morning.
I got to exercise in peace.
I cleaned some more interesting parts of the apartment (sorting clothes and cleaning the fridge)
The kids and I went outside even though it wasn't beautiful out: cloudy and an occasional drop of rain, and we still enjoyed being outside and breathed the fresh air.
Today we are planning on getting our tree.
I am pretty excited about the season.
Friday, November 20, 2015
I have exciting news
I have stats on my blog that tell me by which people read my blog and also from whereabouts they read.
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Create your own picture
This week, I noticed that I have a reader that is currently in Russia.
I can no longer hold in my excitement!
Vladimir Putin is reading my blog!
I have no idea why, but it must be him.
So thank you Vlad, for reading my blog.
We go way back, to when you were in the KGB, and I was in... elementary school. Yes, those were the good old days.
 |
| Putin and I on a recent endeavor (Oct 2015) |
We have so much in common.
I too like to ride horses bareback while wearing trousers.
I too am not a gangster.
I too have unruly neighbors,
but... ahh, Vlad, you do do things differently. I let my neighbors do their thing.
But I'm glad that you find my insights so profound as to view my blog. That, *sniff*, means so much to me, my good friend.
Does my parenting give you ideas on how to do you job? I'm so glad it does!
It's good to know that we rule our various territories with the same mind: I with my iron fist in this 1000 sqft apartment, and you with your iron fists, the expanse of Russia.
I know you rejoiced when you read my daughter used the potty to poop for the first time. Thank you for relating to my family.
Blessings to you,
Sincerely,
Grace, around.
 |
| My CIA operative position. |
Thursday, November 19, 2015
i am american, but I am Christian and a song
I am an American and more increasingly I fear for the safety of my children in the world ahead. I'm a Christian and I think that refugees need to be welcomed. We need to trust God's word and God's will. God's word says to take care of the sojourners, the widows, and the orphans, and also to share Christ with them. If we don't we are cold hearted and selfish and fearful. God also has a will for our country. If we cannot be selfless and want to set up freaking internment camps, then I see American moving quickly down the totem pole.
It was originally said that they found a Syrian passport next to one of the assailants. It was later said that they know that all the terrorists were European nationals, each who chose to become a member of ISIS and to massacre other people with their own lives.
Why do we fear refugees? Because of the unknown, that they could be terrorists. Because the media is scaring us. Why do we set prejudice upon these people? We are not allowed to cast a judgement on someone before we meet them! It is a sin to do that. God is shaking his head at this.
But at the same time, what the heck is going on in America? So much violence, so much hate. I am certainly frightened by his black lives matter movement, because it frames one race over another, with violence, just in case we didn't hear them the first time. As a woman of swiss and german descent, my families have never experienced slavery, and though my ancestors experienced persecution many, many generations ago, I still don't understand. (That's not something you keep bringing up, as Christians *should* rejoice at the option to suffer as Christ did.) Slavery was a wrong, and people still aren't over the injustices because they continued (and still continue). I understand the anger and the frustrations. But if we want every person to treat every other person equally, we have to treat every other person equally. Each person deserves the same. So I will give them the same.
As for persecution, I see it morphing in this country. People are killed for trivial things, or for nothing at all. I find myself paranoid in the grocery store. (not for persecution but for a random attack).
I am not afraid. I am not afraid.
But I am afraid for my children.
But then I remember to pray and to trust God. God is watching over each sweet baby. Even the ones struggling fleeing for Syria.
I wrote this little song on Yonah's first birthday. I want to teach it to the moms in my study group, and we can teach it to our kids and bless them with it.
Up and over, up and over, up and over
Jesus up and over me
Down and under, down and under, down and under
Satan down under my feet
Back, behind me, back, behind me, back behind me
Satan behind me fleein' me
Front and forward, front and forward, front and forward
Holy Spirit guiding me
All around me, all around me, all around me
I've got angels guarding me.
These posts are always processing, never my complete thoughts.
i am challenging myself, and if you see yourself challenged, ask the Holy Spirit if He wants to work change in you. Seek the Lord, and satan will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
It was originally said that they found a Syrian passport next to one of the assailants. It was later said that they know that all the terrorists were European nationals, each who chose to become a member of ISIS and to massacre other people with their own lives.
Why do we fear refugees? Because of the unknown, that they could be terrorists. Because the media is scaring us. Why do we set prejudice upon these people? We are not allowed to cast a judgement on someone before we meet them! It is a sin to do that. God is shaking his head at this.
But at the same time, what the heck is going on in America? So much violence, so much hate. I am certainly frightened by his black lives matter movement, because it frames one race over another, with violence, just in case we didn't hear them the first time. As a woman of swiss and german descent, my families have never experienced slavery, and though my ancestors experienced persecution many, many generations ago, I still don't understand. (That's not something you keep bringing up, as Christians *should* rejoice at the option to suffer as Christ did.) Slavery was a wrong, and people still aren't over the injustices because they continued (and still continue). I understand the anger and the frustrations. But if we want every person to treat every other person equally, we have to treat every other person equally. Each person deserves the same. So I will give them the same.
As for persecution, I see it morphing in this country. People are killed for trivial things, or for nothing at all. I find myself paranoid in the grocery store. (not for persecution but for a random attack).
I am not afraid. I am not afraid.
But I am afraid for my children.
But then I remember to pray and to trust God. God is watching over each sweet baby. Even the ones struggling fleeing for Syria.
I wrote this little song on Yonah's first birthday. I want to teach it to the moms in my study group, and we can teach it to our kids and bless them with it.
Up and over, up and over, up and over
Jesus up and over me
Down and under, down and under, down and under
Satan down under my feet
Back, behind me, back, behind me, back behind me
Satan behind me fleein' me
Front and forward, front and forward, front and forward
Holy Spirit guiding me
All around me, all around me, all around me
I've got angels guarding me.
These posts are always processing, never my complete thoughts.
i am challenging myself, and if you see yourself challenged, ask the Holy Spirit if He wants to work change in you. Seek the Lord, and satan will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Why I am getting into the Christmas Spirit RIGHT NOW
Many of you remember that last year Ben and I were doing job training for Lifeway in Nashville, TN, while staying in an extended stay hotel (one room) during Thanksgiving and the beginning of November. Not only was there stress from the job itself (many of the managers that Ben was working under were going out of their way to try to get him to quit), but I was also stuck in a hotel room (with occasional walks outside when it was nice with the kids) with a five month old and a two year old. We watched lots of blues clues and backyardigens and I watched "the secret life of an american teenager" and listened to sermons. It was then still stressful when we moved to Pennsylvania and had to "camp" in our new apartment in December. We had none of our stuff, and I didn't feel the season at all. I really wanted to, but we didn't know if we were even going to be there very long.
This year, there is much rejoicing. Ben has moved on from his job at Lifeway, and has decided to accept another job that looks much more promising for his gifts and affirming him along the way and is more fiscally affordable for the long term.
So I am getting excited! We are going to get a potted tree that we can use in the apartment for Christmas smell, and to decorate with the kids (and also to purify the air in the apartment).
I am going to make cinnamon ornaments with some of the moms from my moms Group and we're going to use those to decorate the tree as well and Ben and I are going to make some other ornaments.
We want to figure out an advent time each night with the kids to talk about the coming of Christ and I'm really looking forward to going to Christmas eve service. I'm just really excited about Christmas this year!!
We are also going to spend some parts of Thanksgiving with the Engle family which we haven't done in four years. It'S going to be fun also be different because this past year two family members have passed away and so it will be different and I hope good time I'm looking forward to seeing my family in West Virginia and Virginia.
This year, there is much rejoicing. Ben has moved on from his job at Lifeway, and has decided to accept another job that looks much more promising for his gifts and affirming him along the way and is more fiscally affordable for the long term.
So I am getting excited! We are going to get a potted tree that we can use in the apartment for Christmas smell, and to decorate with the kids (and also to purify the air in the apartment).
I am going to make cinnamon ornaments with some of the moms from my moms Group and we're going to use those to decorate the tree as well and Ben and I are going to make some other ornaments.
We want to figure out an advent time each night with the kids to talk about the coming of Christ and I'm really looking forward to going to Christmas eve service. I'm just really excited about Christmas this year!!
We are also going to spend some parts of Thanksgiving with the Engle family which we haven't done in four years. It'S going to be fun also be different because this past year two family members have passed away and so it will be different and I hope good time I'm looking forward to seeing my family in West Virginia and Virginia.
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