how making 'perfect' coffee gave me wisdom

I turned 25 yesterday.
My kids work me up before there was light in the sky from the sun starting to rise (must have been before 5, I don't know) By the time it was time to get ready, I was tired, tired of my children, and was in "Is this real life?' mode.

We were out of milk, and I like my coffee with milk, and I wanted good coffee on my birthday! Anyone hear me?? So I loaded my slightly-delusional self and my nutty whiney children into our car and drove the two and a half miles to the farm stand and got my freakin milk.

And I made my coffee the way I like it, with a little more honey than usual ... so like 2/3 a teaspoon instead of 1/3 a teaspoon because it was my BIRTHDAY. And that milk was not stirred before I poured it into my coffee so I got CREAM. cream. creamy cream. in my perfect coffee for my birthday. (And yes, I added collagen to it. but there wasn't anything different about that).

While I drank my perfect coffee, my children wanted to watch a Japanese man yodel about chickens video over and over. And so we did, because I needed to laugh and not be an angry lady on my birthday. :) After about five times through we switched to an adorable compilation from 2014 of both of my children when they were tiny (Naisa 21-22 months, Yonah 1week-1 month). Cuteness! Sometimes you need your sister to record your beautiful memories on her video camera.

As I was thinking about the theme of my birthday--do things that I wanted to do despite my 'circumstances' (my circumstances are not bad/horrible/awful. They are just not ideal!). I decided that I needed to spend more time doing things to better me, and not wearing my energy sources and patience stores down to the ground from my children. I am a determined lady and I want to see change and improvement, but often when nap time rolls around, if the kids won't nap, then I have to figure out when to exercise instead. But yesterday, on my birthday (lol), I realized that even if the kids don't nap, I need a break so I need to take that dang break.

And so I am going to MAKE time to have more exercise. And if my kids are cranky because they were too stubborn to take naps, that's their fault. I will have my alone time. I need to refuel so that I can function!

I am usually a very selfless person, and so that means making breakfast for and feeding/cleaning up/bathing/setting up shows on the computer/ whatever the kids wanted to do before I take care of myself. So that often means a snack breakfast and a snacky lunch (meaning I take one thing out of the fridge, eat it, then another thing, instead of cooking something, putting it on a plate or in a bowl, and sitting down to eat it.

So HERE's to a year of sitting down to plates of food and eating, and exercising more because my body and mind deserves it! And here's to QUIET time even if they are fighting behind that door.

Being a mother

Now I am a mother.
-I parent my children.
-I encourage other peoples children.
-I love other mothers.
Now I feel pain much more clearly.
-I feel it. Your pain is my pain now.
-With great love comes great grief.
-Each day has a few tears for the pain of someone else's loss.
-Now I want to love the pain away.
-Let me love the pain away.
Now I understand righteous anger.
-The mama bear tendency frames and focuses me.
-I want to change situations. I want to care. I want to love. I want to foster
-I want to nourish and love as many people as I can.
Now I am overcome with unconditional love.
-I can't stand my children sometimes, but if they nap too long I worry about them.
-I look at pictures of my kids after they go to bed sometimes.
-What a life we have together.
Now I treasure time and cherish moments.
-Every adorable (and annoying) stage will pass
-I don't want to blink and my children be teenagers and glued to phones
- I will turn off the screen and let my children be my joy and entertainment.
Now I laugh at silly things.
-Every single day has more laughter when we change our attitudes to appreciate it
Now I grow.