I have been processing a lot lately.
My last great grandparent died a couple weeks ago. Though I didn't have a close relationship with him, there is still many emotions that appear when one attends a funeral. He was a Mason, World War II Veteran, and Volunteer Firefighter, but the most meaningful salute was actually the firefighter salute. There were five firetrucks at the burial, with their ladders extended. After the army salute (in which seven veterans each fired three shots, one played taps, and they presented the flag that was on his casket to Sonya, Grandpa's wife), they went on the intercom (on a speaker) and said,"Howard Souder, (pause), this is your last call." and then let out one long siren.
A friend from college and her husband (also a friend from college), lost their sweet baby boy. My heart hurts so vividly with them. They are in my prayers often. God is working them through each step right now.
I have also taken to reading several biographies of Christians (I read Bonhoeffer, now I'm reading 7 Women, by the same author -- Eric Metaxas), and, as every biography ends, each person dies. Some people (like Susana Wesley) lived with such loss (so many babies died after birth!) and many still lost children in war, to illness, even as young adults. It is much for my heart to bear.
My mom's mom passed away Saturday. Although I have had several great grandparents pass away, I have not had anyone closer to my heart pass away until Grandma Epp. We will be traveling to Kansas in the next couple of days for the funeral, visitation, and some family time.
I had been able to go to Kansas to see Grandma in several years, and we were planning to go to Kansas this year to see them. And now we are, just in a different way. About a month ago, I called her and had a nice conversation with her, updating her on our lives and connecting with her, because it has been a long time since I had talked with her. Then we got to Skype with her on Mom's phone last week, when she was still talking some, and winking and smiling. And talking with Mom on a daily basis about how Grandma was doing and the changes in family emotions was cheering.
So what is grief? Grief is losing the person you love so dearly. Grief is letting go of this person to God. Grief is also losing the way the life's rhythm you found comfort in for a time, and moving through grief is letting go of wishing it was still the old way and moving oneself forward in life that's different.
So how does someone move on? They just do. Every single day, we get up and do life (however abridged) until it becomes a season of harvest again.
How do we cherish those who have already passed on? I recognized that I did not have the closest relationship with my mom's mom, but I recognize that the character of my grandma, her diligence, her humor, her personality, are all reflected immensely in my own mother. So I am very thankful for the vital role she played in my mother's life, making her who she is now.
Another thing I have been thinking about is how worship songs that we sing at church are focused on what Christ has done for us as we continue to live here on earth. As I have been reflecting on the gift of being with Jesus after death, and how much this appears in Scripture (longing for God to call them home), I have been wondering where are the worship songs for us as we pass on to death.
The answer is in hymns, and yes, there are some worship songs that talk about seeing Jesus in heaven. But certainly not a whole lot. Perhaps I will write one some day.
I have been praying more and more, when the pain and suffering of others aches in my heart, "Come Lord, Jesus, come". I am ready for the world that has no more tears, Lord!
