Friday, May 29, 2009
Post Graduation Blues
So I am done. The ceremony is over. The diploma is on my dresser and the gown hung up in my closet. The chairs set up in the civic theater for the top ten are put back on their racks and the band has gone home. But I am graduated. And now there is this space of time where I am still surrounded by the people that I care about and love in the town that I hate the most--before I drive my Daewoo down to Camp Luz and live out of a bag for the next two and half months. This extra time is killing me. I have nothing more to do-- I already packed all my things in my room, for we are moving while I am at camp. My hair is already trimmed. (XD) So I'm running out of things to do to prepare myself for not being here. I'm not thinking of this experience as something I'll never do again. Because I know I will be back, I'm not too worried about the goodbyes. Some people are. But I know that I will meet these people again in the future. I have no fear of that. And after this life, I'll see them in heaven. But while I'm still here, I look forward to seeing them sometime in the future-- to see how they have changed and grown and gotten better at some things and worse at others. So it's not really blue. I'm learning that I don't look back but look forward and see the positive future that is ahead of me.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
A Spontaneous Day
On Monday, I had to work at 8, and go to the high school so that I could be in some pictures of the Top Ten. I woke up early, got ready, and walked over to the school with my younger sister. Upon arriving, I found that the photographer, who is currently our athletic director as well, had not arrived yet, and never arrived early for that matter. So I left, went to work and told Mom to call me if they called home and needed me to come in. So I went to work. I helped watch eleven or twelve little kids, and at twelve fifteen, Mom called and told me to come up to the school. So I got permission from my boss to leave for twenty minutes and I drove over to the high school. I got there, the principal called down the top ten--and there were eight. One decided not to show whatsoever, and the other wasn't going to be there until one. So I left, and went back to work. Meanwhile, my boss didn't realize that she'd only booked me to work until one. So when I got back, getting ready to leave, she had to call someone else to come in, and she asked me to stay until my replacement showed up, for she had to go to her son's field trip. I stuck around until one fifteen, and I told Kendall that I had to leave. So I did, and I arrived at the high school just as they were finishing the pictures, and I managed to get into the last few.
I had to drive the the Summitt County Juvenile Court to pay for SAFTE school, because a couple weeks ago, I got a ticket for reading a map while driving home from school. When I got there, I was completely surprised to see a metal detector in front of me and looked like a complete idiot as I was frazzled and realized that I had neither taken off my ring or my belt buckle after going through the metal detector. I felt completely awkward when when the officer did a scan of my ring, my belt buckle, and then the wire from my bra was also in the register. I then remained frozen in my place until the officer told me that I was free to go, then looked around blindly for any sign that would point me in the right direction toward the "traffic window", as stated on the pamplet I received in the mail. A kind lady at the desk by the metal detector asked me what I needed. I answered pathetically, "I just need to pay for SAFTE school." I must have looked like a fish out of the water."It's right over there."I turned around again, and lo and behold, the coveted saftey window was in my sights. Embarrassed, I paid the money for the class. By 7:30 PM on Wednesday, I will be finished with this entire shinanigan. I promise never to read and drive again.
On my home, I decided to stop at a friend's house: I'd let her borrow two of my dresses so that she'd come to Prom (though she didn't end up coming anyhow). So she was there, I got my dresses, and we decided to go get some coffee at Arabica. On the way out of her developement, we decided to pick up another friend. We just showed up at her door and she decided to come. So we drove to Arabica and got some Mocha and Cappiccino Freezes. And we laughed and and a good time. Near the end, Bridget was combing through my hair with her fingers, and she asked me when the last time was that I dyed my hair. (It hadn't been since August--I'm trying to grow out my natural color) and all of a sudden, she decided that we were going to dye my hair.
We drove to Target and she bought the hair dye. It was $3.14. Then Jessica got some as well.
We drove to my house, and I saw my mother and my sister on their way to Marie's voice lesson, so I knew that my mother wouldn't be at home to talk me out with it.
So we dyed my hair. I was rather nervous because it had been awhile since I dyed my hair. And I got slightly peeved when they accidently got the dye on my face, but other than that, thirty minutes later, I had one color of hair. It's a darker soft brown that looks very natural.
After dinner, Mom decided to go to the dog park at the local walking path and I decided to go along. I brought my mp3 player and ran down the hill from the dog park to the path. Then I just decided to keep running. I ran two miles. And then talked around one more time with Mom and Anna before we went home.
It was a good day.
I had to drive the the Summitt County Juvenile Court to pay for SAFTE school, because a couple weeks ago, I got a ticket for reading a map while driving home from school. When I got there, I was completely surprised to see a metal detector in front of me and looked like a complete idiot as I was frazzled and realized that I had neither taken off my ring or my belt buckle after going through the metal detector. I felt completely awkward when when the officer did a scan of my ring, my belt buckle, and then the wire from my bra was also in the register. I then remained frozen in my place until the officer told me that I was free to go, then looked around blindly for any sign that would point me in the right direction toward the "traffic window", as stated on the pamplet I received in the mail. A kind lady at the desk by the metal detector asked me what I needed. I answered pathetically, "I just need to pay for SAFTE school." I must have looked like a fish out of the water."It's right over there."I turned around again, and lo and behold, the coveted saftey window was in my sights. Embarrassed, I paid the money for the class. By 7:30 PM on Wednesday, I will be finished with this entire shinanigan. I promise never to read and drive again.
On my home, I decided to stop at a friend's house: I'd let her borrow two of my dresses so that she'd come to Prom (though she didn't end up coming anyhow). So she was there, I got my dresses, and we decided to go get some coffee at Arabica. On the way out of her developement, we decided to pick up another friend. We just showed up at her door and she decided to come. So we drove to Arabica and got some Mocha and Cappiccino Freezes. And we laughed and and a good time. Near the end, Bridget was combing through my hair with her fingers, and she asked me when the last time was that I dyed my hair. (It hadn't been since August--I'm trying to grow out my natural color) and all of a sudden, she decided that we were going to dye my hair.
We drove to Target and she bought the hair dye. It was $3.14. Then Jessica got some as well.
We drove to my house, and I saw my mother and my sister on their way to Marie's voice lesson, so I knew that my mother wouldn't be at home to talk me out with it.
So we dyed my hair. I was rather nervous because it had been awhile since I dyed my hair. And I got slightly peeved when they accidently got the dye on my face, but other than that, thirty minutes later, I had one color of hair. It's a darker soft brown that looks very natural.
After dinner, Mom decided to go to the dog park at the local walking path and I decided to go along. I brought my mp3 player and ran down the hill from the dog park to the path. Then I just decided to keep running. I ran two miles. And then talked around one more time with Mom and Anna before we went home.
It was a good day.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Graduation.
It's coming. Only two weeks away. I turn eighteen the Saturday before. Then high school, in its entirity will be finished forever. Then I will not feel obligated to come back for anything. The sweet memories will be thrown into the nearest box and packed away and moved to western Ohio, while I go work at camp, and spend the time of my life there once more!
Daddy always said that at some point, I would be recognized for the hard work that I put into the Post Secondary Program. That the two years I spent away from high school, clinging to the last strings of used-to-be-good-friendships, would get me some applause from someone. But I am not a valedictorian. It would be something to say if I had not gotten a B- in Chemistry and a B in Precalculus in the first semester of college, and my junior year in high school. I did not have a million extra tiredless hours to work on scholarship essays and perfect them to masterpieces.
At this point, someone could even put an asterisk by my name, and write in the footnotes that I earned 60 college credits before graduating from high school, and I would be happy. No applause is necessary now. I just want the knowledge of recognition.
I probably will not graduate from college early. My path may end up being two majors, rather than one major and a minor. There will not be a young medical student--a young neurosurgeon to speak of that finished college early. The path I chose to take was the one less taken, so I had to work harder.
It's what I wanted. I wanted the challenge and maturity in learning that Streetsboro High School did not offer. I wanted the credits. To say that I was ahead of the graduating class before me. To be able to say that I was a sophomore in college while still in high school. But everytime I would say it around my fellow classmates, both at Akron and at Streetsboro, I considered myself a boast. Even though I put that hard work into it.
Though I'm not recognized for these accomplishments, I have $1000 I did not have before. Some people have more. They will be able to feel easier about their first semester. Maybe my four years will be shorter. The verdict is in the future. For now, I am content in my humble funds, although each day the money is looming in my face.
Daddy always said that at some point, I would be recognized for the hard work that I put into the Post Secondary Program. That the two years I spent away from high school, clinging to the last strings of used-to-be-good-friendships, would get me some applause from someone. But I am not a valedictorian. It would be something to say if I had not gotten a B- in Chemistry and a B in Precalculus in the first semester of college, and my junior year in high school. I did not have a million extra tiredless hours to work on scholarship essays and perfect them to masterpieces.
At this point, someone could even put an asterisk by my name, and write in the footnotes that I earned 60 college credits before graduating from high school, and I would be happy. No applause is necessary now. I just want the knowledge of recognition.
I probably will not graduate from college early. My path may end up being two majors, rather than one major and a minor. There will not be a young medical student--a young neurosurgeon to speak of that finished college early. The path I chose to take was the one less taken, so I had to work harder.
It's what I wanted. I wanted the challenge and maturity in learning that Streetsboro High School did not offer. I wanted the credits. To say that I was ahead of the graduating class before me. To be able to say that I was a sophomore in college while still in high school. But everytime I would say it around my fellow classmates, both at Akron and at Streetsboro, I considered myself a boast. Even though I put that hard work into it.
Though I'm not recognized for these accomplishments, I have $1000 I did not have before. Some people have more. They will be able to feel easier about their first semester. Maybe my four years will be shorter. The verdict is in the future. For now, I am content in my humble funds, although each day the money is looming in my face.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Combination Chaos
As some of you might have figured out, I am a teenager. But not normal in this--I opted out of two years of high school to go to UA. So this past Tuesday, I took my last exam at UA and I finished high school altogether. Except for walking across the stage, and Prom, of course. Wallowing in this success, I spent Wednesday relaxing, walking five miles, and talking on the phone with Z, until one in the morning.
Yesterday, wasn't so nice. I was well on my way to sleeping in, when the phone rang, and my boss needed someone to come in. This was at 7:15. The last time she had this problem, I decided not do go in, so I felt I should come in this time. I figured maybe I'd just come for the morning, and then I could go home and sleep the afternoon away, while planning more relaxing activities.
Not so. I arrived at seven thirty, and I gave the kids breakfast, changed diapers, put on clothes, made a mothers day craft, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, washed the dishes that looked to be a couple days old, helped one guy change his clothes after he peed all over himself, unlocked a bathroom door from the outside, drank five cups of caffeinated tea with hopes of waking up a little more, ate almost two cans of green beans with parmaesan cheese and chicken nuggets, made lunch, thought about taking a nap--I stayed until six.
My boss was only there until about two--she went to the hospital to see if she could be given some type of drug that would take away her migraine. She'd already taken so many different things, who knows what could be done.
I went home, but I did not sleep. I went to the high school's band concert. And I put my footprint on the wall. Then I went home. And I still didn't go to sleep until ten thirty. So much for a relaxing day.
Yesterday, wasn't so nice. I was well on my way to sleeping in, when the phone rang, and my boss needed someone to come in. This was at 7:15. The last time she had this problem, I decided not do go in, so I felt I should come in this time. I figured maybe I'd just come for the morning, and then I could go home and sleep the afternoon away, while planning more relaxing activities.
Not so. I arrived at seven thirty, and I gave the kids breakfast, changed diapers, put on clothes, made a mothers day craft, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, washed the dishes that looked to be a couple days old, helped one guy change his clothes after he peed all over himself, unlocked a bathroom door from the outside, drank five cups of caffeinated tea with hopes of waking up a little more, ate almost two cans of green beans with parmaesan cheese and chicken nuggets, made lunch, thought about taking a nap--I stayed until six.
My boss was only there until about two--she went to the hospital to see if she could be given some type of drug that would take away her migraine. She'd already taken so many different things, who knows what could be done.
I went home, but I did not sleep. I went to the high school's band concert. And I put my footprint on the wall. Then I went home. And I still didn't go to sleep until ten thirty. So much for a relaxing day.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Alphabet of my life.
Artistic. I like to Draw, and I'm expanding my abilities.Bachful.I love Classical Music. Especially Bach's Inventions!Caring. I can't stand it when people are sad. So I try really hard to be someone others can talk to. I'm sick of being the person who ignores or sneers as I walk by.Darn. I don't swear. Except when I almost hit things in the car. I try take the people who swear as they are, and try to look at the person, not the vocabulary.Engle. I am an Engle. When means Angel in German. Which doesn't mean anything considering I'm just as bad as a drug addict. But I love my family.Friends. I don't have a lot of these. Mostly acquaintencces, however, I'm very glad for those that have stuck with me. Even when I'm a loser.Grace. Means a lot to me. it's not just a name. It's a lifestyle. I will never change it. [unmerited favor, unearned benefit, undeserved kindness]Health. I'm highly concerned about my well being. I strive to eat healthy, and exercise so my body is strong.Icebergs. They are so cool! I'm learning about them in my Oceanography class. They are ginormous.Justify. I find that things that toe the line are often jusitfied. I don't like that and i think the world should go back to the basics.K=Potassium. I know my table of elements, but that's as far as I got in the Principles of chemistry class that I took a year ago. And I know that Potassium helps the cramping stop. :)Listen. I love to listen, music, long drawnout descriptions of nearly nothing. Just to hear your voice. Mingle. I enjoy making new friends, and being the person that breaks the awkward silence with awkward questions.Nice. That's a lame word. People should be more extensive with their vocabulary.Optimistic. I'm likely to be a very optimistic person. I enjoy that role. I love to be smiling and make other people laugh and smile, even if it's a stupid thing I do.Patient. This is something I'd like to be more. Sometimes I'm just not good at waiting it out. But I'm content in today. Quirky. I'm sometimes the person who tries to be funny. Or has really dry humor that people don't get all the time. I'm lame like that.Random. I'm definitely really really random. If something you do reminds me of anything, then I will say something about it. even if you lose me halfway through.Sing. I do like to do it, through the cracks and the flats and the flem. I'm good when I have caffeine and citris before i sing, and a lot of water.Tongue. I have a rather long pointy tongue. Gross if you accidently stick your hand on it. So sorry that I tend to have to concentrate with my tongue out of my mouth.Utopia. When I was little, my perfect grown up place would be an island all my own. Swiss-Family-Robinson style.Vaccuum. I hate chores. But Mom makes me do them.Winter. It's only good for the 1st snow.Xylophones. Awesome. I wish I could play like Geoff.Yawn. I'm a morning person. Zeus. A Greek God. Cool name. Cool Statue. Cool subject.
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