Weekly Update #7

It's really intense that somehow I've been here more than a month, and almost a month and a half! Though there were definitely days this week where I felt like there was unrest and frustration in my soul, I'm starting to feel like things are working out, that this summer program is going to be (to be a success, we will have to find out), but it's going to happen!

We've held volunteer trainings all week, and though it felt a littlr rocky as it began, as time went on, more people came, more people were interested in doing different things, and it's going to work out! Christa and I somehow finished manuals for the volunteer training! (it seemed impossible).

Besides the evening volunteer trainings, most of the Leadership Team attempted to go to the church to pray in the early mornings--i.e. 6:30am--every day. I went to almost all of them--this morning was a sleep-in day for me.

P.S. 22 also had it's last week of school, minus the half day which is on Monday. There was a fifth grade graduation today, which Daniel and I attended, in support of some of the fifth graders in the after school program, and also that I have seen at the lunch table when I have volunteered there.

For most of the kids at P.S. 22, the last day that they got to see me at the lunch time was yesterday, and some today, because of their graduation, because it is the end of school, and I'm not going to be in the lunchroom anymore, or outside the school handing out flyers. If they are going to the summer program, they will see me all summer long, and some of them are. But it seems like the ones that I got to know the most aren't coming--they have other plans for the summer, and that's fine, but I will miss them. I'll miss Allison, who is completely adorable and a dork!

Next week, I will be at Camp Deerpark, training with Christa and Daniel for the Camp half of the summer program. We are hoping to bring a couple volunteers with us, but it isn't really defined until we actually leave. We come back from training on July 2nd, and then the program starts on the 6th!

Prayer Requests and Praises:
--Things are working out!
--That everyone who feels called to volunteer would be proactive about it and come!

--For the next week's training, prayer that there won't be any injuries and that we can bond as a leadership team.

Update #6

This week was busy, but not horribly busy. I've been getting things done, and feeling like what I'm doing is  relevant for what this summer is about. Here's a couple things I was up to:

CPR training--On Thursday, we drove to Bushkill, Pennsylvania, and went to Mont Lawn Camp for CPR training. I had a great time meeting so many different awesome people. The training was intensive and good--it built up my confidence, but I hope I never have to use the skills. It was great to be in the nature and I hadn't realized how great it was to be out there again.

Training plans--We had a volunteer meeting on Wednesday, and he two people show up to listen. Mark and I did some extensive planning for what our training entailed on Friday, and it's looking good.

After-school--Spending more time with those kids. Good and frustrating at the same time. I'm getting more patient with some of them because I have been thinking about different ways to approach teaching them.

Day Off--I got a day off this week. On Monday, I went for a run, and cleaned. It was nice.

Cafeteria work--My relationships with the kids are growing. Like with after-school I'm learning different ways to relate to the kids, and get to know them better. They are great and different, and I love talking to them about their lives and what they are interested in.

Flyers--Christa and I taped flyers to our shirts and lots of people were interested. I ran up and down the hill with two kindergarteners a couple times while eating a cherry icee. Several people picked up flyers with serious interest. The second day that I was at the school after school, a Muslim mother approached me and asked me to give her some registration forms. (so excited--she's bringing four kids into the program!!)

And then there were other things that I was up to Worship Practice and Worship team, on Sunday.
Food pantry-- which was outside today because of the graduation at Flushing Christian School.
Seeker's picnic---later on Saturday, we went to the picnic for all the Christian high school Seekers groups, and handed out flyers for those that might be interested in volunteering for the program. Our volunteer training starts tonight! Pray that there are enough volunteers--the amount of kids that we have signed up for the program is rising and rising--we have close to twenty, ang might have even more because people are still interested.

The Shack--Lily lent me this book to read, and I've been working through it. I'm almost done, and it's been really challenging in some areas. One phrase that Papa said that struck me was, "Do you see God when you think about your future?" And I realized that sometimes I do, in the aspect of where I want Him to lead me, but sometimes, when I look at bleak things, like money, or ever getting through college and finally having a degree, I don't let Him in. So I've been working to let him in, and now I have peace about those things.

Prayer requests and Praises
--volunteers for the program. We have kids, not we need people to help us!
--rest--we are starting to reshuffle our sleeping schedules, and getting up to pray at 6:30 in the morning.
--Praise that my school financial stuff doesn't seem so bleak!
--Praise that the Schools are finally ending and this program is kicking off.

Financial Aid (?)

This always happens. It happened last year, and now it's happening again. Most people would look at me and say, "Well, you've already got three years of college under your belt, you've only got one more!" But it's not like I have just one more. I have two more. Maybe five semesters. So it's so frustrating when I don't get the financial aid that I need. I'm in Flushing this summer. I'm doing mission work, and I'm not working at a job that will make me money so that I can go to school.
How the heck am I supposed to get $3,600 for next year if I'm working a negative job. It's not like I'll get paid the extra money people gave me for my trip if I don't spend it. And I'm also not really qualified to do anything besides work at a summer camp or a daycare or teach piano lessons. And if I don't get paid to do any of those things, then is school even going to happen this year?
We all talk about how college is shaping and the friends are wonderful. I agree. Friends are wonderful, and they challenge me and make me better, but if I can't provide for myself, then there's really nothing that I can  feel but stressed about money and worried that these things won't happen.
I want to be able to provide for myself, and live sustainably. I would like to get a job and play gigs, in all honesty. I would rather play music than be at school. And I know that getting a degree is great, because then it's something to fall back on. But aren't internships better? Isn't one-to-one learning how they did it before they wrote the textbooks? Aren't all the ideas that people come up with from observation anyway? Not just something that they learned in a book?
All these things become fire in my belly, and I wish that the right person would hear it and fund my freaking education. The hardest part for me is that I don't even know if Social work is something I should do. It's a great idea, and I love the thought of being able to solve someone's problems and helping uncorupt the system, but the reason that I haven't declared anything is because I'm still uncertain. Last semester I went from one idea to another for days and days and weeks and weeks because I couldn't make up my mind, that I cannot define that the one thing that I'm meant to do is go to school. What if going to school isn't what I'm supposed to do? I mean it could be, but ever since I've had a break from the classroom, I'm much more driven to drive--and to be. So maybe school isn't it for me right now. I wish that I could say that after all this time I'm ok with going back to school and becoming a great amazing Social worker, but I like doing those things for fun. I like it when you get paid for fun, but when I can be my own person. I feel like training strains and pushes into a cookie cutter. I hate that all the people I look up to went to college, and I can't make up my mind or suck it up and just finish the four years.
There are so many reasons that I went to Akron in high school--and one of those reasons was to avoid some of the pains of debt and such. It doesn't help that I paid for it last year and I still feel like I'm starting all over again. Ugh Ugh. I pray that everything works out, and that I can make it through school.

Who I am/Weekly Update.

I feel like it's something that I redefine myself with every week or so. But we've been talking about so many things that define us, but don't have to do with our physical identities here on earth. What does it mean to be identified as a Lover of God, and nothing else?

As I look at all the things that I have done and gone through to get to this point, I know that there have been times when I have not been defined as a Lover of God. There are people who see it in me, and know that it is the reason that I exist and continue to exist. I hope and pray that this summer, I have, and will continue to portray a Lover of God, and do these things here and now, because I love God.

This past week was a wave of rest and change. It did not feel as hectic as the week before, but I felt like I was getting to know the inside of my house way too well, and seeing the bottom of a peanut butter jar way too fast. There was some peace in this, knowing that even though I'm extroverted, it's good to take some time off to think, and take a breather. But this week starts the balance between the busy and the hermit.

Last week I had a chance to go to the Museum of Modern Art, and see Norah Jones in concert (for a couple songs). We also enjoyed some coffee, a trip to Burger Heaven (where I was greeted by some Vegetarian Chili, and no Burgers were thrust in my way.) At the concert, we were compromised by the rain, and that everyone making the ocean of umbrellas that was our view of the concert, and thus, the umbrellas were dripping on me and Christa, and so we were catching drips in cups, but we still got soaked, completely chilled, and disenchanted, we took the subway home.

I was blessed by being able to talk to Zach on Skype, although I had no idea that he was going to be on that day. I got a phone call from D, saying that he was online, and I ran home. Literally. It was wonderful. Then I got to talk to him the next day, on his birthday. It's so good to reconnect with him, and I cannot wait until he's back in the United States. Things make sense when I spend time with him. He makes me a better person.

I had a great discussion with someone who told me to make sure that while I was here, to not just be known as Grace, the intern we had over the summer, but to be known as Grace, a girl who was here this summer, who was here. To find my identity as a Lover of God. It's been in my thoughts for a little while.

I got my financial aid package in the mail, via my mother. At first, it looked really good, but then I realized that there was a couple thousand dollars that I needed that weren't accounted for, and so now I'm a bit frustrated with the system. Why should it cost so much to go to school, to follow dreams? I'm getting in contact with the financial aid office at EMU, just to make sure that there weren't things accidently left off, but in the mean time, I'm dealing with some major frustration, and occasionally thinking about trying to find a different way out--like looking at jobs and internships (I saw one at PETA that I was interested in). But I don't want to take things into my own hands. That's not what God wants for me. An example of God providing for me--for this trip--is on replay in my head, reminding me that when I need the funds, and I'm going where God wants me to go, these fund appear, and they are in surplus. I have been blessed to be sent here, and I'm so thankful for every single penny. But what if I'm not funded for school? What if that doesn't happen this semester? Does that mean that God is asking me to go somewhere else? Or is he asking me not to go anywhere, to stay here?


Prayer requests:
Patience--I seem to have less and less of it lately
Peace--about my financial aid, and my future
Perseverance-- some days, the after-school program just overcomes me, and completely drains me
Praises:
I've been writing music, and running.

Urbanbusy

I have been really busy this week.

We've had meetings everyday about the summer program, and then I've gone to PS 22 to hang out with the kids. One of the days I brought over some of the flyers for the kids. I brought around ten or something, and within talking to two tables, all my flyers were gone, and i hope that these kids are really interested in this program. 

I have felt really welcomed into the school. Lily, who is the parent coordinator of the school, continues to invite me and Christa to hang out and talk with her after lunch is over, and it has been great. I've also gotten a chance to get to know Tracey, who is the security guard for the school. The even more awesome thing is that Lily has gone into the kitchen after the school is done, and found something vegan for me to eat. I'm so thankful for that option. 

There was an intergenerational bible study meeting on Friday that was really great. We separated into smaller groups and then were discussing what Mark talked about, but our group's discussion went from "do you want to receive the holy spirit?" to "Do you want to become a Christian?" and it was a great great discussion, and a couple of the girls said that they wanted to become Christians.

On Saturday, I worked at the food pantry again. Going through the clothes that were set out, I found a pair of shorts that looked like they would fit me, ran off to the bathroom, changed, and then I had a new pair of shorts. This was a blessing because I needed a pair of shorts. 

Later in the day, Christa needed to go to the bank, and I needed to go grocery shopping, but was being lazy about it, so we got proactive and headed over the H Mart. I got everything I needed, which was more than was on my list, and more than Christa predicted I would need money-wise, and we got to the checkout line and I went over by thirty three cents. The cashier, after what seemed like two or three minutes, but must have been shorter than that, she said that it was fine, but that I "owed her" and pointed to her name tag and her aisle number. 

I walked home with all of my groceries, got thirty-three cents, walked back to the H-Mart, gave it to her, introduced myself, and then went on my way. I didn't think I should do it any other way. 

I got to have dinner with a lady from the church at a vegan restaurant called "Happy Buddha." It was so good. I had vegan cheesecake (which I vow to make at some point) and "triple Mushroom Delight" (which was completely delightful). I think there are more people who want to take me there, so I may or may not get to go again and try something different. I can't wait!

I sang on the worship team today. There is a team of people from Texas who come to New York routinely, and they have a prayer station. They were at church, and one of theirs brought the message. 

There was a Street Fair this afternoon (which, to give a comparison to my mother, is very similar if not the same as a Streetsboro Family Days), and they set up the prayer station there. I didn't really feel like there was anything that I was supposed to do at that point--handing out tracts isn't my thing, so I wandered around the fair and then went and sat by the prayer station, and ended up talking to Yusup for the next hour or it seemed, until it started raining and everyone started leaving.
It poured, and kids screamed with joyous laughter. Some people hurried, while I just walked solowly, taking in the increditbility of being wet, and experiencing something like this and being free to experience it. yay for pouring rain.

Prayer requests and praises.
--Praise that I am blessed with so many people and opportunities. Pray that I get enough rest and time by myself with God.
--Pray that God will speak enthusiasm into high schoolers to volunteer for the summer program. Pray against inhibitors and the evil of the human nature.

Thoughts over the past week

God has been stirring my heart recently. More like the speed that you need to make egg whites form stiff peaks, though. So as you imagine that, take this in as well.

Why do you call me "Lord, Lord," and do not do what I do? I tell you the truth, the man who listens to what I say and puts it into practice is like a wise man who built his house upon the rock. When the flood came, torrents beat against the house, but because the foundation was on the rock, it was NOT moved. But listening to what I say and not putting it into practice is like the man who built his house upon the sand. The flood came, and when the torrent hit the house, it was completely destroyed. Luke 6:46-49ish

(That would be the Grace translation, because it's been meditated in my mind for a little while)

For the past week or so, I have been attempting to find a theme for the Summer Program--either for the staff, or so the kids, and it seems that it only made it's way into my heart.

I was thinking we should do daily themes on the fruits of the spirit, but then I realized that we should be doing that ANYWAY, and it frustrated me. I read this verse, and was floored, because all the things that God wants us to do, like conflict resolution and teachings, should be led out in our everyday lives--Loving your enemies, not judging others, constantly being accountable to each other for the planks in our own eyes/lives.

So when I brought up the idea--or my process, and exclaimed my own feelings about the passage, Mark suggested the Beautitudes.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted,
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called Sons of God
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

What do the verses with the word "righteousness" mean to you?
Last Friday, we had our Young Adult meeting, and we talked about Romans 3. Weslea was talking about that word, along with the word "justified" and how Christ justified us, so that we can be with Christ in the end.
When you hunger and thirst for righteousness, is that sitting sitll in your belif? No, it's not. It's being proactive and letting Jesus lead your actions. When you are persecuted for righteousness, is it because you are a passive Christian? No! It's because there is NO DOUBT that you are proclaiming for Jesus' love, death, and then life!