It's not *just* a shot: our process in choicing to not vaccinate

I'm sitting at my computer, vitamin C'd up, at 6:43am, because a sore throat made another appearance... and it's graduation for my EMU friends! And I want to go! And I was just sick two weeks ago!

I'm blaming my sugar intake (it increased since my parents left. haha. funny. not funny.), because I have been doing really well with taking my cod liver oil. it could also be the lessening amount of sleep that happens at the end of pregnancy for me (we are 31 weeks now! In the homestretch!). And that Naisa went to the child care at our moms group on Thursday.

I follow a different mom's group on facebook where the moms help each other by providing information about vaccinations (through Pub Med studies, published scholarly studies, etc) so that each mom/dad has an arsenal when people confront them (or want reasons, like an MD might) that they have a delayed or nonexistant vaccination record for their children. This is why I am thinking about this topic this morning. (Happy post easter, btw! He is STILL RISEN! AMEN.)

Have you ever witnessed a circumcision? Or seen a baby been vaccinated? How about as a mother? Listening to a baby scream in pain is something that a mother drops everything for, to run to their child to comfort them. And we, as parents, give our children vaccines because they protect our children, right? That is our innate nature as a parent, to desire protection for our sweet lovely babes.

My husband was "under" vaccinated as a child (he did not receive the MMR shot until he was a teenager) and held an alternative perspective when we were pregnant with Naisa, and I did the research because I had the time to do so, and we also visited an MD who we hoped to hire as a pediatrician, who recommended not to skip every shot, but to get the DTap and Hib shots, as he had seen, treated, and watched children with pertussis and Haemophilus Influenzae type B (that's Hib, in case you were wondering. I had to look it up) who weren't vaccinated suffer from these illnesses. It was well known to me (in my small amount of research) that babies could die from whooping cough.

Influenced by this doctor's opinion (because that is what it is, not mandated law), we chose to give Naisa the shots for DTap and Hib at two months. Ben (husband) came along for this appointment (he was finishing his last semester of school, so he had flexibility), and was horrified/traumatized by the experience. Naisa cried fiercely for a full hour when it was time for bed, and Ben started to notice arm tremors and that freaked him out. It deeply concerned me too.

Although I come from a background where I was fully vaccinated, and appreciated the shots I received as a child/teenager/ and felt much benefit from where modern medicine had come from (I was still very pro-anti-biotic at this point; I had strep throat many, many times as a child. I also had pretty bad reactions to poison ivy when I was younger and got steroid shots for those.) As a child and teenager, I did not know that side effects could be so severe for people (especially very little people). I remember reading the vaccination insert for Hep B when I was in high school, and reading about the side effects that one gets from the shot and thinking that I was invincible to them, that I wouldn't get them. And I didn't--thus the trust in the medical system.

So I was "ok" with the cries from the shots-- at the doctor's office. In my mind they were for the good health of my child. But the next few weeks/months, and that first night, when she took an hour to fall asleep, I was concerned. It was scary for me. I felt like something wasn't right.

Many pro-vaccination-opinionated persons feel that those who are pro-unvaccination are just afraid of the system, out to get their vaccinated kids (um, no), and are just hippies who don't do their research, don't have any real science backing their claims, and don't trust the system.

I started having more fear for the vaccines than the illnesses. What was I injecting in my child? I did more research. I realized I was uncomfortable giving my child something that made her cry for an hour (and for no other reason) and caused her to shake, though having no other affect on her.

I also came to the realization that I wasn't afraid of the illnesses that my daughter could get. I have tools in my arsenal to handle them, and the means to help her body and mine maintain healthy immunity. I have done my research and found that there are other ways to handle being sick than giving antibiotics and other ways to recover than using over the counter medicines. I feel this way especially because of what happens when a body experiences loss of beneficial gut flora through the usage of antibiotics.

Why a healthy pregnancy is different for everyone. (30 weeks)

WBodies are different. We all have different shapes, genetics, places where weight gain migrates. Because of this, I have issues with the one view of mainstream beauty. You know what I'm talking about. 

Super thin, long lean legs, angular bone structure in the face, no bumps of lumps (other than your lovely lady lumps). 

Yea, you say, it's a problem. But I've made peace with that. 

I understand. And then, pregnancy happens. And that happy medium of beauty comfort I found in my 170lb runners frame disappears under 55lbs all in the name of Naisa. 

And then I lose 35. Then ten creeps back on. I'm still feeling good, enjoying exercise and finding a rhythm. And then the rhythm disappears again. And we find ourselves expecting another treasure. I am overjoyed, founded in my own superpower of discipline. The first trimester weighs well. Nausea keeps the appetite away. Then the second trimester throws 25 pounds at me. The goal of less than ... Disappears with a number I told myself I wouldn't pass arriving as I stand I the scale. 

I get off. I get on. Same number. I stand on my tippee toes. Same number. I turn around. It drops three pounds. Surely the scale is broken! I am doing everything right! 

But I still can't fit into the name brand maternity jeans my mother bought for this pregnancy. Because the weight I unintentionally gained in the name of baby love has filled my legs to the rim! No, not just water retention! The curdles of cellulite texture my once smoother legs. A varicose vein peeks through my right knee.

But the appetite slows down! We experience a cold in the house and I wonder (hope) that my weight gain will slow down. Will I make it out of this pregnancy with less than 100lbs to lose? ( from my pre-Naisa pregnancy weight) 

I stop using the scale in the bathroom. (I stopped a long time ago) I start thinkin about my postpartum weight loss plan. I stop looking in the mirror. Which makes It a little discomfort able when I see my reflection on the way to the grocery store (and I'm waddling, which is also new) . And I have ten more weeks. 

I have accepted that I am the woman who gains lots during pregnancy. I know my body is eating healthy things. I am not eating Processed crap or tons of sweets. I am active. Not a crossfit mama or a runner mama. I t-Tapp and walk. But I get it in during the week. I take care of myself. I eat what I need and stop when I'm done. 

And I've come to realize: my body is different than your body. My pregnancy is different than your pregnancy, but a healthy pregnancy is a healthy mama and a healthy baby, in one package. With no blood pressure issues or glucose issues, I accept what I am. I love it. Because a beautiful baby is worth more than a number on the scale, clothes fitting, or a mental health valley, although I still have a bone to pick with the fashion designer that thought pregnancy clothes don't need stretch.

I love me, and I love you, baby.

29 weeks: we all get sick, and a circumcision decision

Naisa got a cold last Monday:  coughs, runny nose, and she passed it on to Mommy first. . . As to be expected. I didn't think it would get too bad, because I've been working on taking  my vitamin, FCLO, and eating pretty clean. But, woe is me , it seems that Ben and I got the brunt of it. We have major nose cloggage and pressure that goes with it. It's very uncomfortable; we have had a lot of trouble sleeping. I think this is the main thing that has made our colds seem to last longer than Naisa's. We haven't been able to nap during the day, like I have mandated Naisa to.

So we are grudging through, looking forward to the end of it. And I'm hoping that I will begin to sleep better. I have been experiencing third trimester insomnia, which I experienced last pregnancy as well. I think that I have had trouble because of the weather warming up, and I only sleep well when I am relatively cool. 

On another note, I have been against the circumcision procedure since we were pregnant with Naisa. I didn't do research on it, mainly because toward the end of pregnancy, we had a name and a feeling it was a girl. This time around, because we had our "twin" ultrasound and met this little boy, we knew that we needed an answer to that question. Ben wanted to circumcise, and had this idea of finding a mohel (traditional Jewish official that performs circumcisions for Jewish parents on the eighth day, at their naming ceremony). We knew it was possible that we wouldn't find one, and since I put Ben in charge of doing that research because I didn't want to do that, he was doing the research. He got excited when h found a Messianic Jewish mohel, only to find out through email that he had retired from performing circumcisions years ago. 

Then a mom through one of my natural blog networks posted a question finding good research on circumcision. And several moms posted links to lectures, videos, and blogs with information. I opened one of them and surprised, found myself watching a lecture by someone I met when I was in DC! 

Naturally, I was intrigued and I listened to the lecture. About halfway through, he showed a video clip, with sound, of a little newborn boy being circumcised. I only watched maximum five seconds of it, because my momma alarm was going off and I couldn't soothe that baby. 

Later, I finished the lecture, but I told Ben about it and he said he wanted to see it. So I pulled it up for him, started the video, and promptly left the room with Naisa so I wouldn't be traumatized.

After that, Ben decided that we weren't going to circumcise. The problem with modern circumcision is that it no longer resembles the Jewish tradition of cutting the foreskin. Babies foreskins were "trimmed", not removed. This is what the modern procedure does: it separates the foreskin from the glans, a VERY painful portion of the experience, and then is cut off, with no anesthesia. Lots of boys fall into shock during this process. And then the newborn has a wound in the most sensitive organ of his body for the first two weeks of his life, exposed to feces and urine. The foreskin actually protects the penis from the diaper contents.

Anyway, I am thankful to have this information, have this decision out of the way.it would have been a challenge to figure out which doctor to circumcise our son, due to the financial situation we are in.

This little baby has been kicking away and is very lively all day long. Braxton Hicks contractions come and go, and are prevalent when I walk. My appetite is way down, and I think thats because of feeling sick. I am looking forward to enjoying eating again. 

That's all I can think about right now. Ben is listening to Ray Comfort, so it's hard to focus. Especially because I'm sick.

28 weeks pregnant, food projects (they never end!) and other stuff!

We are twenty eight weeks pregnant now, in the third trimester (but don't be fooled! The baby is still planning on coming at the end of June!) We had a midwife visit yesterday afternoon, which was good.

My glucose (fasting at 84) and iron levels (12) are great--I had blood work done the same day as the ultrasound. My weight gain has slowed down (as has my appetite! yay!) and I am thankful for this! This baby boy is still sitting breech (so silly!) but the midwife was able to pick up his heartbeat loud and clear with the fetoscope (different that a Doppler. This is a feto-stethoscope, completely manual), in three different places. Around 28 weeks is the earliest you can really use a fetoscope, so I'm glad to hear this. I'm still measuring big (at 32cm), but it's been consistent about 4cm ahead. My blood pressure was great (100/70). I was thinking this might be because of the walking I've been able to do last week and this week. The walking has also helped so much with the leg swelling. My maternity shorts from last pregnancy fit again!

I had some funny food cravings the past few days, so I obliged myself and made homemade potato salad (with homemade mayonnaise from Austrian almond oil), and also baked beans. I've been making a LOT of soups lately, for Ben, because he is supposed to not be eating any grains or legumes (though he may be able to have quinoa and soaked beans this week--we'll see). So I've had constant stock going in the crock pot. My lovely friend Mariah generously gave me a dehydrator, so that has been helpful for dehydrating soaked nuts instead of using the oven. I have yet to dehydrate liver yet (I'm planning on making dessicated liver capsules), but it's on my to do list. Today has less projects. I've been starting a sourdough starter (I had one last year... and it started me on this whole real food thing! So thankful) again, and we are a week in, so I am making bread today. I'm letting it rise all day to see how much it grows (hopefully a lot!).

I planted some green beans and zucchini/yellow squash outside last Thursday and I have some tomato transplants that have been hardening that I'll need to put outside sometime today or tomorrow because they are ready to go (and hopefully the weather will be nice and green!!).

Ben and I will be moving our garden box to the flowerbed soon to plant other things!

I am now feeling hungry again, so I need to get on that. And figure out this supper recipe with the oxtail that has been simmering since yesterday. And see if I have any other tasks. Probably a T-Tapp video.

Poor Naisa is sick (has had a cough/runny nose since Monday) and so she is taking a morning nap. I am hoping for a quick recovery... and I probably need to give her some FCLO. Yummy!! I was getting a bit of the cough too, but I took my FCLO, and this morning I have been fine.

My sleepless periods at night are starting up again. Having to get up to pee and eat don't help, but I'm doing ok. I'm resting in bed, instead of on the computer. I will try to add photos to this later.