Being geniune and patient

What does it mean to be genuine as a Christian?

It means being kind when it's really hard, sometimes.

When we reach out to people, makes plans, and want to help change people to the right direction and there is no movement from the other side, it can be very hard to bounce back to, "That's okay, let's try again when you have time."

God changes hearts in his time, not ours. It is our calling to be Christ for them in the meantime. How would Jesus respond to someone who ignored your efforts to spend time with them? With grace.

So we must also have grace, even if we are very angry about it.

Let me just say, anger when someone cancels with no thought to your feelings is justified!

But do not act on that anger, or you will have shamed the name of Christ.

Think about it. If you have a developed friendship with a person, you may show them your frustration, but if this is someone you hardly know, when in doubt, show grace. If they do not apologize, still forgive them. They may not be in a place where they understand you are trying to help.

This is a great time to pull out that "Ya'll don't know me!" phrase. This is the front, the cover, the way a person protects themselves especially if they have been abused in their vulnerability before. This is the defense mechanism that has worked in the past, and gotten them through hard situations.

The most important thing is to admit that you really don't know what they are going through. Everything you see on the outside is multiplied by 100 on the inside. If they look hurt on the outside (or on facebook), know that that vulnerable human being needs and needs, but isn't ready for your Christianity yet.

Ugh ugh ugh

If someone is addicted to sex or drugs, you can show them Jesus but they might not take him seriously because they still have the needs they think they have for the sex or drugs. It's a hard road to walk with someone on. In my social work classes, we talked about meeting basic needs: food water shelter, then helping find a job, then working through their emotional deals, THEN (thenthenthenthenthen) spiritual needs can be discussed and paid attention to.

This is why we need to be Christ through food, water, shelter, clothing, and housing.

Now you understand.

So in my situation, there are other needs that need to be met. I need to be patient, and pray, because prayer is the most powerful thing we can do here on earth.


And show grace. and patience, and God will work. 

Grateful Giver

It hit me hard yesterday.

The movie and music choices didn't help much either.

All the commercials for movies and it seems that every song in the entire world is about love. Missing love. Love being far away. Love happening. Getting married. It seems that our culture is consumed by this. It's an obsession.

"Why you do Obsessed with me? I just wanna know..." Even Mariah is feelin' it. But the fact is we take little situations and write overexaggerated songs about them.

It's not that I don't care about Love. It's just that my love and I don't have the average American relationship. Probably because he's going to Africa. I may get to talk to him once a week through Skype, but we aren't even sure about that. It takes a month for mail to be delivered to where he's going.

For me, it's this constant back and forth sway of emotions.

He needs to go. There's no other thing he can do. He's prepared for this. He's taken care of business at training. He's made a difference in Harrisburg, and now he'll go make a difference in Guinea Bissau.

I need him to go. I know that the spiritual growth that has happened in the past two months is part of what he needs to do. I know that this is what God's plan is for him.

But I don't want him to go. We've been apart for so long. It's so rough for me to go, day in and day out, and see the fortunate couples who get to spend time with those they love everyday. And I see them take that person for granted. I don't take him for granted. Every second he'll be here will be met with an equal amount of thankfulness that I'll be able to spend this second, this minute, this day with him, because there will be eight months of seconds, minutes, days, that I won't be able to see him.

I've been challenged by God to give of the things that matter to me. This is something that I need to be willing about. But I'm selfish. I'm bitter. I'm wishing and waiting, and seconds still tick by at the same speed as before.

What am I complaining about? I'm not his family. I'm not a member of the group of people that have known him his whole life. I'm the girlfriend. In love with him. And we haven't even spent that much time together, but we've made a point to communicate with each other, to give the other trust and love in ways no one else can receive from us. That's why I complain. And he hasn't left yet. I get to spend five WONDERFUL days with him before he drives back, before he leaves the country until we are both a year older, with the experiences and maturity that a nineteen-year-old normally gets when they go to DC or to Africa.

Can I handle it? No. With God's guidance. Yes, I can. Yes, I am.

That's the one thing that has struck me--that I will consistently be a mess around my friends every time one of them talks about their boyfriends, or listens to a love song, unless I hold tight to the One who will not let go.

This I learned this Sunday at church, and this Monday (today) as I listened to my mother's sermon.

From Pastor Ben's sermon,

* we are all built to be dissatisfied with what we have here on earth.

This I have learned to except in my human relationships. We all have faults. We make each other angry. We can't be together when we want to all the time.

*we put out trust in the things we can see. BUT THEY ALL FALL AWAY. Who do we trust? Who should we have trusted all along?

This is when I fall again and again. This statement makes me realize that I depend altogether too much upon the people around me to hold me up. I can do it.

*All is not lost, because God can fill us up. God :), who IS so wonderfully perfect that he didn't need to have humans. BUT GOD IS LOVE, and the purpose of humanity is to enjoy a relationship of love with our God. This is how we are satisfied.

*Turn your focus away from the things that destroy and look to God.

So I'm taking steps to make this about God. It was before, but in a more superficial sort of way.

Monday's sermon. "Grateful Giver"

Mom was talking about the feeding of the five thousand, and how he had the disciples participate in the miracle. We as humans participate in the miracle and then God does the rest.

Maybe I'm participating in the miracle and if I become the inhibitor, it won't be.

Zach, I love you. I love you as you go away from me. Go. Don't hesitate. I know you need to do it. I can and I will wait until you come back for what the future. holds. Don't let me hold you back.