Five week update

I am up early on Sunday morning because it's the only quiet time of the day. But I'm not pumping. . . :)
About four days ago I decided to stop pumping as much to see if Yonah could effectively remove the milk himself if there was more of it in my breasts. I had to put a lot of faith in this because if he couldn't get it all out and I didn't know, my supply could dip and that can be a struggle to get it to come back. I think the first day I tried was Wednesday, and I pumped after a couple feedings, when he'd finally gone to sleep. I was still worried and stressed that he had a restriction in his mouth that would make this hard or impossible. We were already over the hump of being comfortable while nursing (mostly, except when there is a lot of milk (like at night time), sometimes he gets a shallow latch). I had already had a couple times where he latched on and then drank through the let down (and then popped off or fell asleep), so I thought that I would keep trying.

So the first day I still pumped once at night, but then things continued to get better. On Thursday, I decided to set up an appointment with the lactation consultant at WIC. We'd been in phone contact since Yonah was born, and she had sent me a supplemental nursing system in the mail (bless her!) because she wasn't going to be in Harrisonburg for another week. I had much trouble with the SNS, mainly because Yonah would not take the tube in when he latched on, so it was messy and frustrating, so I brought it along, and my hungry baby, and we went to work. She had some alternative taping ideas (which were so helpful! If you have a big areola, don't follow the diagram in the book! The baby can handle the tape being right up to their mouth).

She checked his mouth and watched him latch and remove milk and said it looked really good. He was a little fussy in the middle of feeding, which neither of us knew why (one could speculate it was gas). Because I had been supplementing a little with WAPF formula, she recommended a supplement, and I ordered goat's rue off of Mountain Rose Herbs when I came home (otherwise I'm paying $40 for a tincture).

It was then I realized that I needed to stop diagnosing something that I could work through. At the beginning of breastfeeding Yonah, it was really hard, and if we hadn't been stubborn and pumped and continued to put him to the breast, we might not have gotten this far. I was really frustrated when I had to give him a bottle and keep giving him a bottle, but he was getting what he needed and I was thankful for that. Because of all the information on the internet, I have been aware of tongue ties and lip ties and their effects long term on people's mouths and the issues of tooth decay and speech issues. But I was also aware of the hell that moms went through after getting their children's frenulums clipped and then having to stretch them and some reattaching and then going through all of it again. I have decided to make myself not think of it as an issue or problem. I have decided to not worry about it. (If we get to two and he has other issues like speech or tooth issues, then we will reevaluate.)

I wonder if we would have been able to get Naisa to latch and worked through it if I had not had flat nipples, or if we had had support after I started pumping to heal my nipples.

I am thankful that we were able to overcome without anything but patience and persistence. I am thankful that things got better. I prayed and prayed for this during this pregnancy because I wanted it so bad. I didn't want to have to pump for a year again. I wanted more than two years between this baby and the next.

We are still learning. There is a learning curve to this, for sure, and part of it is that he is still so small, Naisa is loud, distracting, and needy, and that contributes to his distracted nursing. I am still learning some of his cues and we are still learning different ways to nurse. I would love to perfect side lying nursing so that I can rest while nursing at night, but right now he seems to still do best when I can direct what he is doing (with a bit of light) and in the cross cradle position.

I am so glad I took the leap of faith to let him try, and not trying to micro manage ounces and times pumping. I'm glad I have that experience of pumping under my belt, but I am more than happy to hang up the horns except for the occasional time (date night!).

He's eleven pounds now.

Breastfeeding update

So Yonah is 3.5 weeks old now. I  still pumping most of the milk he receives, and he still gets most of it through the bottle. But for some reason I felt like it was going better yesterday. He still can't get an entire feeding from just the breast. When I use the supplemental nursing system, he still falls asleep, like when we nurse normally. I did have more success with the SNS yesterday. I had him on the breast longer yesterday and he is getting some milk out, so I think this is why I feel better about it. Also, we were at Kohls to get me some shoes, he was hungry and I  had left the diaper bag in the car so I decided to try to nurse him in the dressing room. He did fine, doing what he normally does- popping off after five minutes and being "content" for ten to twenty minutes before crying for more. I hope months from now I won't have to think about bottles unless we are going on a date, but I read this breast feeding meme on Facebook that said every breast feeding relationship is different. Don't assume that because yours isn't 'perfect' that it's bad. It had a picture of a mom pumping on one side, with her baby nursing with a supplemental nursing system in the other side. Just a reminder that 'normal' breastfeeding is just a myth.

That's what I thinking about

Transitions: from one to two

It's 7am and I am in our bathroom pumping and drinking a cup of coffee, blogging and listening to Naisa talk to herself and hoping Yonah stays asleep. It is hard to do pumping at night with such a small baby because he can wake up hungry for more when I'm already pumping in the other room, giving me two options: unplug-feed baby-then Start over, or move my pumping self into the bedroom, replug the pump into the wall, and multitask the bottle into the baby's mouth. And that has been what I have been doing nearly every time.

It's more challenging now because Yonah is still so much in the tiny baby stage. Once he hits like four months, we'll be in a sweet spot. Naisa is also at a challenging stage-not quite ready to play on the playground by herself. . . But she thinks she is. And gives a fit if she I redirect her to do something else.

As I think back, I don't feel too much like I had such a huge hurdle once the baby popped out (besides breastfeeding, and keeping up with cleaning). I realize that's because I have been processing the addition to the family since we found out we were pregnant. I have been pondering the idea, praying about it, worrying about it, having expectations. Because this was the second time around, I took on labor as part of the puzzle and not the pinnacle event (as I have a habit of doing with almost every big life event). So when it was happening, I treasured it, but I knew it was the beginning, not the end (not "happily ever after" part of the story. I went in knowing that there are more challenges than just birth (birth is the easy part of the challenge for me). Breast feeding exclusively has been the unattainable achievement thus far.  I realize that the issue remains that his mouth is tiny, my nipples are huge, and there IS something going on under his tongue and on his lip, although the latch he gets is a good latch (though shallow), he fusses and pulls and doesn't stay on for more than a couple minutes sometimes, and does not remove very much milk when his is there. He falls asleep often, and as I am trying to maintain a supply I have to pump and bottle feed him after he breast attempts... This is most of my day.

The biggest challenges now are communication with Naisa. Yonah is no problem because he only needs a couple things: a clean diaper, a full belly, no gas, and to be held and burped. Naisa needs to go out, for mommy to hold things (many, many things), to eat and drink and be all done and to play with cups and to go for walks and play with other kids. And then there are the things she wants! And they are often not what I'll let her do. Sometimes, when I am pumping or breast feeding and I can't get up, I attempt to get her to bring me what I need, a diaper, a burp cloth, a shirt, a pen, my phone, etc. and most of the time she goes into autopilot assessing the situation. Example:

Mommy has been burping baby Yonah and he has spit up. Mommy has no burp cloth within reach. 

"Naisa, can you get me my shirt?"

Naisa: "nana mess!"

Mommy: "yes, Nana (blanket) is a mess. Can you get me my shirt now?"

Naisa: "baby (indecipherable) nana un a mess!"

Mommy: "Naisa! Shirt Now!"

I get frustrated easily sometimes.

Ugh spit up

I just spent two hours with Yonah from 9:45pm to 11:30pm, feeding him.

Then when he paused, I would burp him, and then he would spit up. And then he would root and so I would give him more. And he was awake and not getting tired.

I put him in the crib and he spit up on there. I put an outfit on him, held him in the football hold, and then put him down on the crib again. He was still awake. I left the room for water and to use the bathroom and then stood outside the door to see if he was still awake. He wasn't. Now I'm pumping. Gloriously.

PS whilst this was happening, input him on the breast because I thought the bottle was bothering him (or something). And he nursed through a let down like a normal baby. Yayay! Now if only he can replicate it. 

That's all for now. My day was good. Marie took us all out do a walk and that was great exercise over the Virginia hills. I managed the day because Naisa had quiet time in her room. My friend Laura came in the afternoon, during nap time and talked with me and gave me a massage and a portion of a turkey sandwich.

*Update*: I read online that babies root when something happens with their stomach, whether it be hunger or gas, so I went and bought some gripe water, called Mommy's bliss. Whenever he seemed hungry but had been fed for a long time, I gave him some and then bounced him and he went to sleep.  Great method! This gripe water is natural, containing things like baking soda, fennel, and ginger extract.

Growing, growing!

I'm blogging in the middle of the night again! It's my only free time, which comes withe the price of mommyhood. I am pumping! My favorite task.

Yonah had his two week appointment yesterday. He now weighs 9lb 3oz, up over a pound from birthweight. This is the same weight Naisa was when she was born. And today (if I was still pregnant) I would be the same amount of time Naisa was in the womb. At her two week appointment, however, she was under birth weight (8lb 8oz). That was the day we had to start pumping and using formula because my nipples looked like death. 

Yonah's latch is getting better. He doesn't compress my nipples against the roof of his mouth anymore. Sometimes I am still sore, and he often loses the latch when he gets tired, especially if there's lots on milk in there. He also is very gassy and needs lots of burping and also

still falls asleep at the breast quickly. So we are still a ways away from me not pumping at all.

Tomorrow isn't first whole day with the babies by myself. I was hoping ( I always hope) to get better sleep. But this will just have to do. 

Transitioning

Naisa is home from her visit with Memaw and Pops and Ben's parents are now visiting. But I've already begin to have some hours where it's just been me and both babies and I'm preparing myself with what can work.

Yesterday, Ben went to work in the morning and I had to hang out with Naisa and Yonah by myself for a couple hours. I was lucky the baby was already fed when Naisa went and got her shoes and my shoes and wanted to go out. We walked to Food Lion, went in, came out, and then walked from the DQ to Francesscos at least twenty times. Then she would say,"again" and we would walk it again. I was feeling a little ill towards the end (just had to poop. Haha), and I was thankful that Naisa decided she wanted to go home at that point. Then she decided she wanted to take a bath. I put sleeping Yonah (from being in the snuggly baby carrier with mommy) in his bed and set up the tub. After about ten minutes, Yonah woke up again and I went and got him, and was wondering how the heck I was going to nurse him in the bathroom with Naisa in the tub, and then Naisa decided she was done with her bath (ahh a child in tune with me!) and we went to the living room. It was after eleven, so I  told Naisa it was time for quiet time in her room and out her in there for a nap. Soon Titi came back from her coffee with a friend and I had a slight break from chaos, as she gave Yonah a bottle while I pumped (that's how this thing has been going). Then Ben's parents called saying they were an hour out and Ben came home from work. 

It was a busy morning, and I suspect I will have many more busy mornings. I am hoping that I can manage and not be stressed out about things like my milk supply and that Yonah will naturally start doing better with removing milk from my breast. I don't want to have to get his tongue and lip tie clipped if I can avoid it because it's just a big hassle financially, time wise, and emotionally. I really hope he can just figure out nursing as his mouth gets bigger. 

And.... These are the things I'm thinking about while pumping at three o'clock in the morning.

To Pump or ... What!

I had high hopes that breastfeeding would go better. We are breastfeeding, by the way; but Yonah doesn't routinely empty the breast. He sleeps at the breast, roots at the breast, latches onto the breast, chews the nipple, and falls asleep at the breast. So we are supplementing. With pumped milk and a little homemade (WAPF) formula. But I want it to work!! I want it to work so bad! The only reason this is successful right now is because Naisa is in Ohio. Once she returns and I am on full time mommy duty, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. It is going to be hard to pump when she needs my attention, let alone when he and she need my attention.

Ben is convinced that when his mouth gets bigger it will be able to better accommodation my large nipples: I think this too, but I wonder how many months of lazy breast feeding I will have to deal with before this happens, and how many months after his that I will have to deal with a still-lazy nurser. 

So I'm pumping: and I wish he could get it out on his own! The lactation consultant we saw said there was a fifty percent chance his tongue tie would affect it, that he had a good suck, a good range of motion, just that he had a tight jaw and a small mouth. Two things not in my favor.

I am trying to be patient, but I had hoped to be through the breastfeeding transition by two weeks, especially because Naisa will be home on Thursday and I wanted to have a better hang of it before she came home.

He's gaining weight well, more than most babies his age. Most are still working to return to birth weight. He was four oz over birth weight at a little over one week. I just wish he would breastfeed. This is the same battle I had with Naisa, except she tore up my nipples and wrecked havoc on my milk supply before we switched. this time we are catching the milk supply before it drops too much (I wish is started pumping sooner though!