Why local, bulk, grass fed beef is the best option for your budget and how to seal the best deal

We've been living in our current area for the past seven and a half months. Part of the time, my parents brought some meat from their cow share for us to use. The other part of the time, my husband's parents brought us venison to use. Now, we are out of beef and red meat in general (except for a pound and a half of liver that I should consume with jest), and I have started looking for a farm to purchase a quarter of a cow from.

We love buying in bulk! Especially meat! Meat is expensive in general, even the factory farmed crap that they sell at the grocery store. So we look for the best option for our money's worth. And it is not being the three pound ground beef from Walmart and dividing it into pounders to use.

Buying a quarter of a cow is.
But why grass fed?

Cows originally ate what they found in the field/prairie/forest. Then when penned in, they obliged to the humans holding them captive and ate what was in front of them, which is now GMO soybeans, GMO corn, and a vitamin and mineral mix). When cows eat outside and eat what's growing outside, they live healthier--no need to use antibiotics to keep them healthy. In addition, the milk they produce and the meat that comes from them is healthier. The ratios of Omega 3s to 6s and 9s is much more ideal. The Coagulated Lineic Acid is more abundant. And the fat-soluble vitamins are exponentially higher than the factory farmed versions.: Vitamin D, A, and K2.

And the price does not lie: We are looking at a range from $3.30/lb to $6.25/lb. A quarter of a cow usually levels out to abut a hundred pounds, give or take ten.

That's stretching it, you say? That's quite an investment, you say?

Get this! This is for ground beef, and patties, and stew meat, and chuck roast, but it's also for steaks, filet mignon, organs, bones, and roasts galore! all for the same flat rate.

We love it! And all the money goes straight to the farmer and the butcher. No middle man, no grocery giant in between.


Now here's how to get the best deal:
1. Use eatwild.org to find farmers local to your area. Then call, email, and visit. Ask questions about pricing. You are the buyer. Get your best deal!
2. Ask your friends in the area where they get their meat. There will be some! They might know a local farmer who uses their cow quarters as a side business rather than their main business.
3. Find a dairy farmer who raises their steers born into their herd. It will (most likely) be a side profit for them, and the pricing will be much more affordable.
4. Watch your timing. Most of the farmers I was in contact with butcher their steers (or naughty heifers) in the fall, after they have grown enough. If you want the meat now, and it's July (it is), you may have to pay much more for it (due to the farmer meeting your demand, they can raise the price), rather than waiting until the fall.

We will be making a decision soon about who we will be purchasing from. I will be getting the organs and bones for extra vitamins and for making nourishing bone broth. I can't wait!

Happy cooking!
Grace

A reaction to EMU's faculty policy

My thoughts are swirling from the decision that my alma mater made yesterday, choosing to change their hiring guidelines so that they will hire practicing LGBTQ faculty because they will not discriminate. Now, despite my firm belief that homosexuality in practice (not in identity) is wrong, I am finding this decision contradictory to the schools belief system and the standards that they have asked students to uphold in the comunity lifestyle agreement: Students are not to practice premartial sex. This agreement is signed upon completeion of application to the school, whether the student knows it or not.
The contradiction is this: how can staff and faculty mentor and represent these guidelines if they are practicing homosexuality in a committed relationship that is not marriage? Now our government is attempting to change the definition of marriage in our culture, but EMU has a higher calling to uphold what the Bible says, which is that Marriage is between a man and a woman. If EMU proclaims to be a Christian Univeristy, following the Bible, they should also follow what the Bible says about marriage.  We are called to "not conform to that patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds" in Christ Jesus. "To have pure religion is this: ..to remain unstained by the world."

Ask yourselves, those of you who made this decision, whether you have honestly and completely continued to renew your minds in Christ Jesus and remained unstained by the world.

If you are a teacher of Christ Jesus, and a leader and guide to those who are younger in their faith, you are upheld to a stricter judgment. Those who cause a young child to stumble in their faith, "it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."

We are not called to change what the Bible says.
We are called to live what the Bible has taught and reminded us through its teachings.

Dear Emily

Emily, a friend from camp who was very dear to me, recently passed away from an overdose.
She struggled with severe depression from a very young age. I wrote this song in memory of her.

Dear Emily-I wanted to see you, keep seeing you to see you again. Sweet friend, you were important, you're still important, and you will be important to me.
And my heart is broken, my heart is breaking--that you felt you had to let go of this world. You were so strong--we'll all be stronger from knowing you.
Dear Emily, I wanted to show you, I needed to show you these treasures of mine. I knew you. I knew the heart beating in you! I didn't want to say good bye yet.
Dear Emily, You were a sister to me. We loved the same things. I can't believe I won't see you again. Dear Emily, You were stronger than anyone could see. I will miss you until I see you again.

And my heart is broken, you could have spoken to someone about this. But how many more times would you have come up with another way?

Dear Emily, I don't know if you have regrets, I don't know where your heart was, I don't know where you are now. But Emily, you were loved. You are loved. Your memory will be loved.

But I wish it was you.

I'm turning 24.

right now:
I am listening to both my children wake up from their naps.
one year ago:
I had a plump belly filled with Yonah.
two years ago:
I had a rambunctous eight month old storming the castle
three years ago:
I was a newlywed and over halfway pregnant with Naisa
four years ago:
I was getting over mono, starting to run again, missing my man, and working at Sauder Village
Five years ago:
I was getting acclimated in New York City, and parallel parked a truck with six inches on either side (it took forty five minutes)
six years ago:
I was done with my classes at Akron University and was getting ready for prom and graduation and moving.
seven years ago:
I was finishing my classes at Akron, getting ready to work at camp
eight years ago:
I was working at a hot dog grille and walking four miles a day
nine years ago:
I was getting over my first boyfriend, had acted in my first school play, and won second place in the high school talent show.
ten years ago:
I was fitted for my high school marching band uniform, was a maintaining member of Weight Watchers, and was about to become a high schooler.
eleven years ago:
I did a back bend for the first time and had lost over thirty pounds with Weight watchers. I was the county champion for the spelling bee.
twelve years ago:
I was in sixth grade. My friend Beth and I did a project on growing daisies
thirteen years ago:
I did a speech on DARE and was "Grade Engle" in the program. I played "Why am I Blue?" in the school talent show
fourteen years ago:
I did a project on Pluto, wrote stories from civil war period times and loved writing.
fifteen years ago:
I had the most stickers from having a green card and I got a prize that was a pretend box with something in it. It would shake when the button turned on like there was an animal inside
sixteen years ago:
We had Chocolate day and wonderful interactive activities where we made candles and built things with wooden blocks. I also did three laps around the classroom playing Around the World.
seventeen years ago:
I was at the highest reading level and loved playing with the marble run toys available during free time
eighteen years ago:
I had a friend named Elizabeth who could draw better than stick figures (we made a club) and played ba ba black sheep on the piano in our classroom. Mrs. Yoder still teaches at Waterman.
nineteen years ago:
We were moving to Harrisonburg. I played under the truck (I could walk under it without bending).
twenty years ago:
I loved the magic cat and painting the bricks in our entryway with water.
twenty one years ago:
I had surgery to fix a ureteral birth defect.
twenty two years ago:
I was almost two. (and I have no memories)
twenty three years ago:
I was almost one.
twenty four years ago:
Mom was reallly pregnant with me.

Updates in the house of Delp

This is the third day post stomach flu, and I am feeling much much better. I am surprised at how quickly my body lets me move, and my head is clearer and no headache.

TMI if you don't like vomit

On Monday evening, I stopped eating dinner because it didn't sit right and felt nauseous and had a headache until I threw up at 9pm and then the floodgates were opened. I was able to go to bed at 1am and then slept for a good while. Ben helped get Yonah to bed and then the next day he was able to find someone to cover half of his shift so he could come home early and help me. On Tuesday I drank diluted juice all day and managed a couple pieces of toast. I had no energy. I took two two-hour naps. I could barely feed the children breakfast. My head hurt and all my muscles and joints were so sore. Wednesday I was a little better and could handle the kids after noon, when Ben went to work. I sent Naisa to Moms group with my friend so that she could have social time. I took and morning and afternoon nap again. I made chicken for dinner and ate most of a piece. I had a lightbulb moment and took some vitamin C, and then I started feeling much better. I noticed that I was feeling better when I was trying to get Yonah to laugh--I didn't have the energy to do that before. This morning I feel pretty good, although my appetite, though returning, is not 100% yet. I made myself coffee and drank a tiny bit. Cheese and avocado tasted really good this morning. I had made myself a bowl of cereal that Naisa took a liking to and she ate all but the two bites that I reserved for myself.

I got a random section of poison ivy-like breakout on my ring finger. This sucks because my finger already has a ring stuck on it (and I don't have the guts to remove it because it hurts too much (and I have a husband who doesn't want to remove it for me). Earlier in the month I was able to slide it on and I rejoiced! But I haven't been able to remove it since, so I guess it will just remain on there until my finger decides to realign with being a size 6.

I am almost halfway through memorizing James 5. I have memorized James 1-4. When I am done (and practiced up) I may try to record a video of me saying it (which would be a really long video). I have been doing the James study with the Moms group I have been attending and at the beginning I didn't see myself memorizing it, but one day I just decided to try, and when you study something so indepth, you review it so much that memorizing (for me) was just the next baby step in understanding it. I have this bad habit of reading scripture just to get it done, and memorizing makes you think about the words and their meanings because you have to try to connect everything together.

Yonah is almost ten and a half months and he is doing more standing with out support. He is almost ready to get from sitting to squatting to standing.

We have a garden space at this apartment. I did some soil turning in the past couple of weeks and will put some things in the garden as soon as the transplants (that I also started) seem bit enough. The squash are very excited about being planted, but the tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers are taking their time.

We are getting to know our neighbors a little bit more now that the weather is nicer.

Due to the stomach flu, I have now reached my pre-Yonah-pregnancy weight! So now to lose thirty five more pounds!

See you on the flip side, (XD)
Grace

Potty Training

I have a potty trained two and a half year old (except for most poops). I am going to attempt to write the process down so that I remember it. We started with a potty seat on the potty and that seemed to be a little bit of a hindrance so we ordered a princess potty for her to use. She picked it up pretty quick and was willing to go on the potty most of the time (and when she wasn't, I bribed her with bunny snacks). She had a couple accidents but quickly realized that she didn't like the feeling of being wet and we talked about how we don't pee in underwear and don't poop in underwear and she got the picture. She doesn't wear a diaper at naptime or bedtime anymore. Just when she needs to poop (and she tells me when that is). we have done several two hour car rides and she has been able to handle them as well. So I feel very good about it. I was worried it would be a struggle because she is so strong willed, but she likes it.

A Perspective on Uncle Charlie (1975-2015)

Charlie's hari, example one

**This is a raw emotion process of the death of my uncle. It is not meant to be flowing and eloquent. It is meant to be a method of the unique mourning process that comes with a complicated and dysfunctional relationship.**

Most of my memories of Uncle Charlie are from my childhood. Many memories are funny stories, and many others matter-of-fact statements on how his life was.

Charlie would have been 40 this year, but he seemed much other than my Uncle Jon, who also turned 40 recently.
He had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
His hair was always a mess. Or dyed blonde, and he was bi racial with very curly hair, so it wasn't the best look for him.
His street name was Squirrel. People still knew him as that as of yesterday.  When his hair was "blonde" he temporarily wanted it to be changed to Bumblebee. I think we all liked Squirrel 'better.'

Uncle Charlie spent a lot of time in his early adult life without a permanent home. It was due to this that he would (by my parent's permission) sleep on our various porches when we lived in Virginia. He also slept in the basement of the duplex (which led to our cat Simba/Big Boy, who was an indoor cat, being let out and in the pound for several weeks.). He also slept on the couches we had in our homes, but after coming home drunk and falling asleep with the contents of his pockets spilling out (including chewing tobacco, with curious preschool and elementary school aged girls in the house), he was relocated to the porch at the duplex, and then the shed at our home in Bridgewater. I have memories of coming downstairs in the middle of the night (for a bathroom break) and hearing the TV static and hearing him snoring on the couch.

Charlie in Steelers gear

We had interesting memories--to say the least-- of Uncle Charlie. I remember him giving us girls two Disney movies, and then later asking for them back. One was the Lion King 2, and I don't remember exactly if he every took them back, because my parents still have that movie in their movie cabinet.

Once, at a Christmas family gathering in the 90s, Charlie decided he was a coffee connoisseur and was acting all high and mighty about how m uch milk and sugar was added to it and my dad and his brother added hot sauce to his cup. There is a picture commemorating this event.

Charlie's hair, example 2

Around the same time the snuff was falling out of his pocket, my dad picked it up one morning and enriched it with some rabbit turds. Charlie came back later that day with, "Man! You won't believe what happened! I offered my buddy some snuff and he took a pinch and put it in his mouth and spat it out and said, 'Man! This tastes like *&^$! Hahahahahahah!."

Once, in elementary school, I came home from school and couldn't find my sweet new pink bike anywhere. I had bought it for $75 with my paper route money and was distraught that it was gone. Turns out Charlie was running late to work and he "borrow" it to get to work faster. You know you are desperate when you ride you niece's pink bike to work at McDonald's.

Parts of his life were tragic.

Being born with fetal alcohol syndrome means that the birth mom drinks heavily during the pregnancy. Talk about hardship. It also means that a person is going to have a hard life, right from the womb. It causes developement, mental, social and psychological challenges. He was a foster child in my grandparents' home very early in his babyhood (it may be been before eight weeks.)

He had trouble keeping a job. He struggled with authority.

He could not obtain a license (although he knew how to drive a car and had at many instances). He had many girlfriends, and married once. That lady was pregnant with another man's baby (he was in prison), at the time but Charlie treated that sweet girl like his own daughter. When his wife became pregnant again, with twins, he was overjoyed, and also loved those girls deeply. Sadly, they too, were children of yet another man, and he and his wife separated and were on their way to divorce (but it was never made legal as of yesterday). He was a stay at home dad for those girls. He loved to grill. Once he had us over at his motor home for tons of delicious barbecued meat.

Charlie in Steelers gear, 2008

We always saw him at family gatherings. There, and specifically at gatherings with large amounts of family (except for funerals), he wore themed outfits. Steelers garb. There was never a Thanksgiving or Engle Reunion when the terrible towel (or dirty rag, depending on if it had been washed) didn't attend, along with golden sweats and a black and gold jersey. And beanie.

Once at the Engle reunion, he told us to call him Uncle "Chuckle", and called his shed his "hut."

My relationship with Uncle Charlie was complicated.

I have shied away from interacting with him in the past few years and had not seen him since Naisa's baby shower in August 2012. Charlie was known for his outspoken vocal opinions of women's appearances. Even relatives. I had heard more than enough from him. When I was an insecure teenager it was quicksand for my ego. Then when I found myself in college, it was irritating and demeaning. My sisters and I would ignore it roll our eyes. There haven't been any remembered abusive interaction besides that one time he slapped my hand in church when I accidentally dropped the offering plate. However, my mother told me in 2012 that when I was five, she found me sleeping in the same sleeping bag as him one morning. When I saw him again after that, I was twenty weeks pregnant, and had a small baby bump. He gave me an intrusive hug, and touched my belly (which I did not say he could touch and he did not ask) and he exclaimed, "You are going to be as big as a house." Everyone was staying at my grandparents' house that night and though sleeping in a different room, he was going to be sleeping in the basement. My mother noticed my discomfort and suggested that Dad also sleep in the basement and that comforted me. Charlie's boundaries were definitely askew.

Brianna, Charlie, Abby and Izzy, 2008

I'm humbled, I think, for someone I knew well, loved, but did not like, to pass away. I am a bit ambivalent. Is that wrong? It feels like it is because this is someone who means different hings for different people.

For my dad, he helped raise him. He worked hard to connect with him and be supportive of him. This is love! But this was not my role. I was a niece. I am a woman. I am my father's child. Charlie and I had a complicated relationship and I didn't need to be close to him. I needed distance. I didn't want him to have my cell phone number or know my address. I didn't want him interacting with my children. (I was not opposed to him meeting my children, but it never happened. )

He did not die peacefully. I heard from my dad that he had a seizure and choked on his vomit. This is not something I want to tell people about. Death isn't pleasant, especially before their 'time', though God knew his time. I don't even know if I want to tell people about it here, because it's a weird feeling having to address the fact that it was a dysfunctional relationship, and I don't want to say out loud that he was a hard person to be around.

His personality--he was a womanizer, had lots of things to say, but not much to do about them. He deeply desired to have a child of his own line--deeply desiring unconditional love. Calling relatives and asking for money to help with food, rent, etc, after spending the money on something else. There was too much pain in his life. I wonder how he processed it all. A birth mom who drank so heavily through her pregnancy that he was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. There's so much I dont' know or don't understand about his situation. I thin most of the Engles feel the same say. Why didn't he work on his issues with authority? Why didn't he work on getting better with his finances? I don't know. Because he was Charlie.

Charlie and Dathaniel Thanksgiving 2013

When we had our baby shower for Naisa in 2012, he brought his new girlfriend, Ashley. They were trying for a baby, he said, and they'd just lost one. Later they were pregnant and they did have a son. Dathaniel was born on June 11th, 2013. In August 2014, I received a letter from social services saying I was being contacted because I was a relative of Dathaniel and he was being put in foster care. And my heart was completely broken. This child may never know the Engle family. I want so badly to take this little boy in. There should always be this option. But Ben and I are also in a rough spot. But I want to be a momma to this little boy. A deep mama bear cam out when he was born and I heard that he was placed in foster care, that he couldn't live with his family because it wasn't safe there. He will be two this June. I feel like my window of opportunity has closed. I have never met this child. Just seen pictures. He has been in Foster care for almost eight months. No one wants to uproot a toddler from their living environment. I think it frustrates me the most when I think about all the GOOD families in the Engles. Is there not one who could have taken him?

I have know for awhile that I try to avoid the imagery and confrontation that comes with death. The last funeral I attended was in 2010--my grear-grandfather Engle--a man well lived. It was a joyous occasion with lots of remembering and not as much mourning, because he'd lived a good life and was with His Savior.

But I don't know about Uncle Charlie. Dad once said that Charlie struggled with "church" stuff. I don't know the answer why. There are a lot of questions unanswered that may never be answered here on this earth.

I hope HOPE! that he has a new body and is worshipping out Glorious LORD in heaven now. That's hard to think about. And it wasn't my role to be the one to encourage him to think about Christ... or was it? Maybe in a lifetime with less of the pain of reality that existed for him that spilled out into the rest of us.

I want so badly to not portray him in such a light. "Don't speak ill of the dead." But it is hard to think of times when I felt I could take him seriously, except when he was struggling--struggling with the reality that the twins he thought were his for such a long time were another man's children. I remember the phone call to Dad that I heard on the answering machine the night when Brenna died. He was having a hard time dealing with it. I knew it was hard too, but I didn't understand it like I do now, as a mother. When little Peili died, I felt it. I had to write then.
I remember being at Uncle Mike's house, doing a developmental study with Megan for school, when he got a call from Charlie who was frustrated because he couldn't see the girls--they were getting a divorce. I remember that, and the deep sorrow I felt. Divorce is something I'd neve wish upon anyone.

I have been writing this to process and to figure out in what way I've respected him. I wanted there to be some positive light, although sometimes in real life there aren't always positives. But I have realized it now. I respected his fierce love for those girls whose fathers were not present. He had a fierce desire for and love for children, which is why he wanted a child of his own. It was challenging for me to watch when he had such a child in those bad circumstances.
I also respected his desire-need to have a job. Even thought he was let go and fired again and again for various reasons, he still tried to get another one over and over again. And he was hired over and over again. That, my friends, is endurance. "Blessed is the man who endures his trials, for when he passes the test he will received the crown of life that God promised to those who love him." My memorization of James 1 and 2 thus far is making me think about this. Did Charlie believe in God"? I'm sure he did! Did he have good works too? I can think of some. Not all of his works were good, obviously, but isn't that the way it is with all of us? If one keeps the entire law, yet fails at one point, he is guilty of breaking it all. I write that for myself, as no one of us is a "bigger" or "worse" sinner than the other.

I am remembering now, when I was fifteen and just starting to write songs, I played some for Charlie and my Uncle jon. We were on our way back to Ohio from the beach that summer, and he said, "Yeah, me and some guys are putting together a band."
"What kind of a band?" I asked.
"Like insane clown posse. Yeah we got a recording coming up."
I rolled my eyes then and chuckle to myself now when I think about that interaction. It was classic Charlie, 'one-up-ing'. but I think that was his 'way' of teeling you he liked something. Like when I was twenty weeks prego and he touched my belly and said, "you are going to be as big as a house." Doesn't make it any less traumatizing, but its just how he worked.

Mom with Izzy and Abby, 2008

I remember when Charlie said he was learning Spanish at one of his jobs, or in the neighborhood he was living in. I thought that was great, although wary of whether or not it was a boast or a fact (this was often the question). But he spoke it and it was Spanish and it was something he was learning from another. What a gift to learn another language from a peer.

In conclusion, I would like to share a story that points to another essence of Charlie: great, but unrealistic ideas and no money to do them.
It was at the same visit that he said he (and some of the guys at the trailer park) were going to start a hot dog stand and sell hot dogs though the trailer park. He asked Grandpa for money so he could buy a portable hot dog stand or grill that his friend was selling.
"only $600!"
Grandpa's suggestion that he attach Uncle Joe's old three wheeled bike (which was brakeless, in thei shed) to his grill.

Being awake at 6:20 provides updates about my life!

I love my alarm clock. He coos and hmms and "Duh'duh"s until I get him out of his bed, hoping that it's just a snooze button that can be nursed back to sleep.

But when he's trying to crawl out of my arms the moment he's done nursing, I knew I battle was lost.
So I pulled my husband's cot into the bedroom (with my husband on it! hahahahah) where Yonah was (we sleep in the living room because that's where the futon is, until we get our things), and Yonah and I went into the living room to hang out. Ben, who is a nighty owl (I can't convince him otherwise), has been working until close every night this week, (EVERY NIGHT. I'm going to fire his manager.)(But I can't.) so he can sleep in in the morning. If I don't drag him into the bedroom by my own volition, then the agreement is that we (Yonah and I) stay in the bedroom until 8am. An hour and a half....  If it's fifteen minutes, it's not so bad.

I love the warm weather!! (45 degrees being warm... hahah) I think I was in this mindset that it was going to be winter forever in PA. It was a coping mechanism, just like if I didn't think about it too much, staying in the extended stay hotel wasn't awful. So I Netflixed away my feelings. And I have been doing that here too, just with different free trials.

But this warmer weather--it's a game changer. I'm thinking about gardening. I have seeds and I will grow little transplants this year! This weekend, my grandma is coming to PA and is bringing our stroller! Just in time for the warmer weather! So I can go out for walks with my little treasures when the weather is mild enough!

Yonah has some teeth on their way. they are getting ready to pop through his gum line, which is why I gave him a carrot to gnaw on this morning. He LOVES solids. He gets really upset when he's hungry and has not been fed!

We have started the potty training process with Naisa. Right now we're waiting for some Hello Kitty underpants to come in the mail, and then I will plow full force toward success. She has her princess potty. and peed in it once. the day before yesterday. The day before that, she peed on the potty once. Right now, she really loves to wash her hands and brush her teeth right after peeing (or just sitting on the potty). I showed her that the potty makes a fun noise when you pee in it, but she hasn't connected the dots yet. she knows it "makes noise" and she wants to "go potty and make noise", but she hasn't yet (the one time she did pee on it the noise wasn't activated, dang it!)

I finished my 60 day T-Tapp challenge, and too my after photos. While I had not dramatic transformation, I had results, and it wasn't just a visual result. I also had success with using the workout program to ease back pain that resulted from a minor car accident we were in as a family in the snow on the way to a wedding in February. I'll post the before and after pictures here:

Got to go do some diaper changes!

Updates for the month of February

Yonah is very mobile, crawling everywhere and he loves going into the other rooms (especially the bathroom) and playing with things he shouldn't--the cable cords, the door stopper, the soors themselves, climbing on the step in the bathroom, eating fuzzies off the floor! He's always chewing on something he found on the floor and I have to go fish is out of his mouth (or I see it in his diaper later!). He has enthusiastically began solids in full force and his body has had quite an adjustment switching from 100% breastmilk to lots of solids with breastmilk. He is pulling up easily, and yesterday he started to try standing without holding onto things. He is 8 and 1/2 months.

Naisa's vocab is excellent. The other day I was trying to fix her hair and she didn't want me to, so she said, "Please stop my hair." Most of the time she has great grammar and great sentences, and we also get a lot of made-up blahblahblah "Yonah's blue elephant" blahblahblah. She makes "trains" with several boxes of different sizes and often blocks the walking way in the apartment with them. "Rocket's crate" was identified as one of them.

It's really fun to see them playing together. They are so giggly and most of the time Naisa is taking the things that Yonah is playing with because she suddenly has an uncontrollable desire to play with them now that someone else is playing with them (typical two year old).

My mom and sister, Anna, came to visit twice and we really enjoyed seeing them. I gave Naisa and Yonah hair cuts because things were getting a little out of hand. Yonah may need another hair cut soon! Mom and Anna brought us some items from our storage unit, including but not limited to: dish drying rack, some plates, our silverware, some mugs, clothes for Yonah and Naisa, the cloth diapers, diaper pail. It has been so nice to not have to purchase diapers now!

I have been doing a 60 day challenge with T-Tapp, the workout routine I follow. I have seen some changes in my clothing fitting, and more recently started tracking my POINTs (old weightwatchers style) to attempt to have some accountability with my eating to help with progress. This workout is gentle and rehabilitative, as well as challenging (I always workout a sweat if I focus on the form!).

We attended a wedding in Sonderton on the 20th. We hit some bad weather on the way in and had a minor car accident due to the slush on the roads. We had started fishtailing and went into the cement median. We were blessed, though--Naisa lept watching her show, Yonah kept sleeping, no one got hurt, the car was almost completely unscathed (one broken windsheild wiper.), Ben had been breaking the entire time, so we bounced off, and did not smash into the median. I had some back pain afterward, but because I have the T-Tapp workout, I was able to do some of the moves to stretch and align my back again so that I wouldn't have pain.

We had finally received our health care and Food Stamp Assistance in PA and we have so much gratitude for the fact that there are programs so we can receive these things.

Ben is still working hard at Lifeway, and hopes for change soon.. our income needs a boost!

I quit coffee and we got a futon and a washer

We have been in the new apartment for almost three whole months now. We had this wonder washer, which is completely manual and you have to wring everything out and it still takes forever to dry, and then a kind family from the church had an old washer available and they brought it over. The problem was it was a cold day and she had just done a load in it. It worked great, but leaked all over the floor into the downstairs storage area onto our neighbor's things. So the day we deemed the washer unusable, Ben set out and found an affordable washer for our family and we had it delivered almost the next day. 

Our air mattresses had worked great for a while until one sprung a leak and then so did the other. Ben got a cot and I got a futon. It's a nice quality futon that was new when we got it. We need to avoid having a broken futon. It's great to have because within a week of purchasing it, Yonah pulled up for the first time.

Probably in the middle of Janurary, I didn't want to keep running out of coffee and hating everything for the few days until we could buy some again, and so I got a coffee sub called TeeCcino. It's tasty, you make in a coffee maker, and was just enough to make my morning routine still happen. I do miss it, but I have coffee once a week at mom's group, and it's never quite how I would make it. 

We had been attending Bossler Mennonite, which is where my mom's group meets! It's my survival! I love it and Naisa loves it. She asks to "go a kids" and when it's over and she still wants me to play, she tries to send me "go back to mommies" . She is disappointed when we miss nursery. 

We had been visiting a couple different churches because Ben wanted to attend one with a pastor with  extensive education. We went to a Calvary chapel in Lancaster, but we're disheartened when we couldn't have our children in the service and some left mid sermon after my glasses broke and Naisa fell down on her way out of the narrow pew, 

We are now attending the first church we looked at when we came... And we have been there one time since we decided to start going back, because of the weather. We won't be going this week because we will be in Souderton this weekend, attending one of Ben's cousin's wedding. 

Goals for the New Year!

When I was in high school, I made goal lists every season, and hung them on my wall. Whether or not I completed them, it was a good reminder to keep on growing and learning.  Then I stopped doing that, and through college I just kept my goals just in my head. Get at least a B in Chemistry and Biology. Try to exercise a couple times a week. Run more. Play piano and write every day.

In one of my social work classes we learned that goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and within a time restraint.

To be realistic, I am not setting 100 goals, but only setting a few: one for each specific area in my life.

Spiritual: Get into God's word every day. No matter how little, just do it. And pray. Pray with music or while nursing the baby.

Musical/Mental: Once I get the piano, play at couple times a week at least.

Physical: Do a T-Tapp workout 3-5 times a week. Dry brush almost everyday. Fit comfortably in my pre Naisa pregnancy clothes by the end of the year.

Fertile: Take temperature each morning and monitor signs of ovulation.

Creative/Emotional: Be creative weekly, whether through song writing, knitting, baking projects, writing. Grow as much of a garden we can this year!

Naisa: Keep teaching letters, move on to sounds and then words when she's ready. Establish a regular play date if I don't get a babysitting job. Potty train. 

Yonah: Nurse the whole year! Start working on solids when he can sit up and grab.

Husband: Do something just for us everyday. Either work on finding a Bible study we both like, playing games, or just talking.

What are your goals for the year?

Sanity Busters tiny room version

We have been in our extended stay studio room for almost a month now. Yonah is five months old now and is getting to be a big, happy, laughing, squirmy little boy! He is scooting backwards and grabbing at things at every chance he gets! We are still nursing strong and I am thoroughly enjoying being able to do that. Naisa gets into everything and every item in this room is a toy, it seems. All the extra plug covers have become pacifiers (and she never had a pacifier, mind you). All the DVDs go in and out of their cases. All e parts of her still unused potty are in various spots all over the room. When I go get free oranges and coffee in the morning, from the lobby, she claims them as her own and plays with them for the next hour. I have found the. Under our bed and Yonahs bed. She does funny things! When e heater is blowing air into the room, she mimics washing her hands, and says,"washing hands!" She claims everything in the room as hers. I hear,"that's Naisa's bed, bathroom, nap, chair, toy, blanket." All the time. 

Due to the nature of every item being relocated several times a day, and mycleaning several times a day, I get weary. Very weary of putting things back for the twelfth time. And telling Naisa not to play with something for the fourteenth time. It's exhausting. And when she doesn't listen, I get too tired of the fits she has because she's is angry because she said she didn't want to eat. Then I have to fight her to take any bite, let alone Naisa  taking her own bite with the utensil herself! She gets timeouts in her bed a couple times a day, and I really encourage nap time earlier than later.

There have been a couple times I haven't replaced things in their original places after Naisa has relocat them. Unfortunately, both of these things were favorite DVDs. For the life of me, I cannot find where they are in the room! I have looked everywhere! Several times, at least once a day for the past week and a half, I have looked for the lost dvd. And the the second one went missing! All because naisa couldn't stop playing with them! 

But it drives me insane! There are onlY so many places that you can look for things In a room the size of a master bedroom. Both surfs up and blues clues have disappeared. I know we are going to find the. The day we move out and i am going to be so mad! 

This concludes Sanity Busters: Small Room edition

Living in a Room with the curtains shut

There have been several times this week that have pushed me to angry.
Angry that I am stuck living in a tiny room most of the day without adult contact.
Angry that there are no sidewalks nearby or playgrounds closer than a mile away.
Angry that Naisa always screams as hard as she can when she's mad, even if Yonah is napping at the time (three feet away from her)
Angry I have to pull the blackout curtain closed when I am nursing- there are no mini blinds!
Angry that Naisa just wants to drink milk and doesn't want to eat very many other things.
Angry that I need to touched by my little humans all day long.

I am tired this morning because Yonah decided that he wanted to be awake and not asleep between 11:45 and 12:45 last night. I get tired of the domino effect of one child waking up the other.

It seems like a dream that we will soon have more space including separate rooms for the bedrooms and the kitchen, and maybe even (gasp) a dishwasher! I am thankful though, for the free coffee and oranges in the lobby, as this week we ran out of fruit early on and the refrigerator is getting emptier and emptier and we need to make it to Saturday.

I dropped the laptop on my big toe yesterday, and spent the day with throbbing intense pain and I am limping around. At least Naisa didn't want to go for a walk yesterday. My nail is almost completely purple, and I am going to lose it.

We we went for a walk on Tuesday, around our building and the one next to ours. They're was a block of grass in between that had lots of crunchy leaves that we walked through. That was great for us- the weather was rather warm in comparison to the polar voters that has arrived.

Naisa has been obsessed with this Backyardigens Surfs Up DVD. She wants to watch it over and over all day long. I do make her take breaks, especially when she starts pressing buttons instead of watching, and I tell her to play with her toys (always met with great protests). I have been working to teach her shapes and colors, and have started on capital letters. Repetition and fun pictures are key for this, and to go very slowly because I have her attention for one to three minutes. There are a few letters she can recognize if I ask, "what's that?" Like B and N and sometimes A and I and S (especially if they are in that order, writing "NAISA". And the others, I just keep using and describing.

I am sick of disposable diapers and pee coming out the side. Naisa just peed on the bed... A big toddler pee. Now I have to get a new sheet.

Tiny space, constant mess

With the amount of stuff that we have, the small space we have, and the overactive Naisa's need to touch and move everything that is at her level, we have a constant pile of things all over the room (because that is what we have--a room. Naisa (thank goodness!) has a little curtain that we can close off from the room (she's in the "closet") and Yonah will sleep adequately once he's asleep and and noise levels are kept at a level pace.

I clean up everything approximately twice a day, once around nap time and once around bed time. I have removed the potty from Naisa's level because she screams "NO!NO!NO!" and takes the bowl out from under the seat, and makes a mess of it. There's no place for the toys besides Naisa's bed and she can't reach them unless I get them for her, and it's extra work for me to be Naisa's servant. And not really my style. She needs to be independent.

It's much more challenging to wash dishes in a room when your children are sleeping...right next to the the kitchen. So I have to put dishes off until morning, which is a little unwise due to the reviews I read about this extended stay having issues with cockroaches. . . so I need a better plan for that.

Yonah is starting to grab at things, and I think he needs some soft stuffed chewing toys (mom? wanna makes something?). He's starting to lift his hips up and scoot backwards (he not five months yet!), and so we have to watch where we place him and what's around him now that he's moving and grabbing and we're in a unsatisfactory extended stay.

OK. that's all I can think about right now because I'm watching 7th heaven at the same time and Yonah's got a poopy diaper!

Shalom.

Our Trip to Nashville, plus extended stay first impressions

The Trip to Nashville
We had a very long trip from Fredericksburg.
We split the trip into two days, Naisa and Ben in the rented car and Yonah and I in our car.  On Friday, I packed up most of our things and then on Saturday morning, we packed some more and went to get the rental car at ten. Then we all had to drive back (did I mention it was cold and looking like rain?), pack up the cars with our things, get gas and air in the tires, and then finally at 12:30, we were on the road.

When we stopped the first time, Ben saw a wasp in his car and proceeded to try to kill it with the very large, very full bag of Late July blue tortilla chips. We now have a very large bag of crumbs.

Ben handled Naisa in his car, and didn't use the DVD player (!), but let her play and nap and scream while he listened to his audio Bible. It was during this trip that Naisa became attached to a purple blanket and got insane when it fell to the floor of the car and Ben couldn't reach it.

I had Yonah in the car and because I was driving we had to stop every time he got hungry or inconsolable.

While Yonah has napping, the drive felt great, doable, and not stressful. But when he would get fussy, I would call Ben and we would find a place to park and I would nurse him. he needed to nurse some, but he mostly needed to look and interact with me. After the third time we stopped, we got on the road again and Yonah started crying almost right away, and I tried to calm him, but I had been singing the whole drive, it was dark, it was raining on and off and that was stressing me out and also trying to follow Ben. I watched the clock for ten minutes and soon i was crying--exhausted, frustrated I couldn't calm Yonah, mad we still had two more hours. I did that for a little while and then I called Ben and we pulled over and right then, Yonah fell asleep.

And then we drove the rest of the way. When we got to the hotel and got into our room (which the door was very squeaky and the heater did not work, but we slept fine. We ate when we got there--11pm, and then all were in bed by midnight. We left the next morning at 9 (adjusted time), went to breakfast and left there at 10, and then began our drive from Knoxville to Nashville. It was only three hours, was rather scenic, and besides someone trying to veer into my line, there was no drama.

Extended Stay first impressions
We made it to the extended stay around one. shortly after, they gave us keys to the room and then the long afternoon started. The room we were given had a toilet that was eternally running so we called them to have them come take a look at it. And then we waited. We had not had lunch at this point. about a half an hour later, someone showed up, took a look at it, and told us that he needed to consult with the manager. Some more time passed, and they called us to tell us that the toilet needed some maintenance and we could look at another room, but it was being cleaned at the moment so we had to wait. Well we waited over an hour (calling a couple times and no one picking up!) and finally the manager came and gave us new keys for the other room. We walked in to our non smoking room that was freshly scented with an air spray and we could both tell that this wasn't quite was we originally had in mind for the month, but since his company was paying for it, we didn't really have an option.

I have spotted at least two cigarette burns on furniture, there are places where the pain is scraped off the wall. There is a hole in the sheet. I found frozen pink something in the freezer, and two pairs of boxers in the drawers. They brought use a "clean" set of dishes and a toaster, and the coffeemaker still had a filter and grounds in it (and we returned that to them, no longer needing it). The bar latch on the door was loose, and there are cracks on the window. We are on the first floor. I feel relatively safe, but it's not the carriage house we were in. There is space for both kids, and our things, but it is a tight fit.

I am thankful to have a place to be, to have our things in here and to be able to not be in transition. But I am tired today because our neighbor was watching the football game with his loud swearing friends last night until eleven or something. But don't worry, Pittsburgh won. Eh.

We are not impressed with this extended stay. When Ben stayed with the extended stay in Lynchburg, it was new, nice, and high quality. They one is more run down, and not really ideal, but because it's location is in the center of the three different stores that we need to be at in the next couple weeks, we'll have to make it work.

The weird part is that there is another extended stay right next to this one, with just one other hotel in between them. And it looked nicer. It's rather bizarre.

One-Room-Quiet Acrobatics

The past few nights Ben hasn't slept well and so he tries to get as much sleep as possible in the morning. This worked fine when we had a two bedroom apartment, and a two bedroom carriage house bed and breakfast but it is much more challenging in a one room hotel room.

Yonah woke up at 6:41am, which is fine for me, but isn't good for Ben who needed the extra sleep. So I nursed Yonah, and then tried to keep him quiet, but that's among one of the most impossible things to do. Babies squeal and don't respond to "shhh!", so I let him talk, albeit as minimal as I could.

Then Naisa woke up and although she can be quiet while she's in her bed, normally waking up in the morning means getting to make noise. So naturally Ben was awake. Naisa started fussing for her milk, right while I was changing Yonah's diaper (which has become a wiggly process that takes longer than it used to), and tension rose some.

So I ended up getting Yonah bounced back to sleep at 8:00 and Naisa had a banana and some milk while in bed, and she's doing an okay job of being quiet. It's just a challenge because it makes Ben and me frustrated at each other. That's challenging for me because I want to spend time with Ben and enjoy that time, but instead either he's irritated at me or I'm irritated at him or I'm irritated because Yonah and Naisa has been driving me bonkers all day. And I just want some adult time and talk to an adult.

Now Naisa's diaper and pants (and bed) were wet so out of the bed she comes. It's 8:30 and Ben's alarm is going off and he's still not getting up, so I have to continue to keep her quiet (not an easy process with a two year old). I gave her a some almonds and some water. So far she's wuiet, but it's a limited moment. Soon she'll be loud though, because being out of her bed means she can make noise... and Yonah and Ben are still sleeping/trying to sleep.

This... is my morning.

And we're in! How things are going so far!

We are in our new space for the next month. It is a one room "efficiency" apartment with the only other room being the bathroom.

When we packed and moved our things into Ben's father's truck and located ValuePlace and got checked in by a kind and energetic host. And when we walked into the original room we were going to rent, it was just room for a bed, tv, half a dresser and a coat rack. It was the size of Ben's CA dorm room in college. So we upgraded to the room with the sofa, because it had more floor space and then I rearranged the room while Ben and his dad were loading up the cart to bring things up.

As they brought things, I went through the boxes and moved all the things I thought we might not need in the next month. Goodbye cornmeal, extra spoons, many books and toys, and a pink ball. There wasn't enough floor space or patience to keep a large garbage bag full of toys.

Naisa and Yonah's beds are stationed next to each other in the corner where the couch previously was. The couch is where the table used to be and the table is in front of the window. All our extra things that didn't need to be out and accessible were shoved under the very high bed frame.

We put the shoes and stroller in the bathroom, because there was more floorspace in there and not in the way.

There is no oven. It would be good to have a toaster oven or a crock pot, but there's no counter space, so I'm using the pressure cooker for things that are needing cooking and the other pans for quick heating.

Naptime and bedtime are going okay so far. I originally wanted to have a tent set up for Naisa to have her own space, but there definitely isn't enough space. Naisa and Yonah's beds are next to each other in the corner where the couch was originally. Naisa plays quietly in her bed for a couple hours, pretending to sleep when I check on her before peering over the edge of the crib and smiling at me. The problem is nap time is pushed very far back. Normally she would nap at two and now she's falling asleep at four. Yonah's napping is whenever and when Naisa is in her bed she stays quiet so I don't have trouble keeping Yonah asleep.

The fun part is doing things in the kitchen portion while the children sleep. I don't like being forced to be quiet but sleep is sacred. But I'm sure they will adjust to the noise as long as I'm not ridiculously noisy.

The first night of sleeping was really hard because Naisa, Ben, and I all went to bed at eleven and then Naisa spent an hour between 2 and 3 coughing intermittently and we were up with that and then Yonah got up at seven, bright and early so we were all tired.

The second night went much better. Everyone was so tired, Yonah slept from ten to six and I almost did also!. :)

Today we went to the grocery store.. I walked to Lifeway to get the car and then we went to Wegmans. Ben's job is now located within a quarter mile of our apartment and when he won't drive to work, he can walk and I'll have the car.

I'm going to post pictures later.

Transitioning from the bed n breakfast to a one room extended stay hotel

This weekend Ben, Naisa, Yonah, and I are moving from our cozy bed and breakfast two-bedroom-apartment to a one room extended stay hotel room for a month. Ben's training was originally supposed to be ending at the end of October, but there were several unforeseen occurances that extended the training--the first week of training, which was more of the manager trying to do hisi thing, and Ben trying to follow the instructions of the company and not much getting done, a week of training in Lynchburg, and a week of the Yearly Sales Meeting (a conference with all the managers in the company). So here we are, almost November, and Ben has a couple weeks to go still.

When I made the reservation for this place I didn't expect it to need to be extended, so we needed to move to another place for the rest of the training. I looked and LOOKED for another place via Airbnb.com, but nothing met our needs quite like this place (two bedrooms and a whole kitchen with all the things we needed!, and affordable.) I even looked at apartments in the area that were short leases with furnished options, but they were all so much MONEY. Even extended stays in the area were too far and too expensive. And KOAs weren't ideal either. So when I found this place, called Value Place, an extended stay place in the area with lower weekly rates, it looked like this was just what we needed, even though they didn't have any two room options that were affordable.

On Saturday, Ben's parents are helping us move into our room, which as a full sized fridge, two burners and some storage space, a table and two chairs, and a bed for Ben and I. Naisa and Yonah will sleep in their pack n plays. And i get to learn to parent in an even tinier place.

I know bedtimes, nap time, and after bedtime is going to be a challenge, because that's when Ben and I get to spend time together, and when I get my time to exercise, but it's very very close to where Ben works, so the car will be available to use.

I'm looking forward to the challenges and joys of living closer together. I'm also looking forward to finding out where we are going to be and READY to know that. 

Dad, then Mom visits, 7th heaven, and kust thinks

Mom has been here this week, which has been great, since Ben has been gone for a conference with his new job. Naisa is in full charge of a two year old behavior. Learning new words, and screaming when things aren't as she wants them! We went to Babies'R'Us yesterday and picked out a cute baby potty for Naisa. She picked out one and it's set up in the bathroom, and her babies (not her!) have peed and pooped on the potty. :)
We went to the park with Naisa on Monday. It's within a mile of our place, and we found it had a nice playground within a fenced area. There was another little boy Naisa's age with his dad. I'm still trying to figure out if I could handle Naisa having a fit at the park while I need to take care of Yonah. I figure that if she has a fit and won't recover, then we'll go home right away. And I'll try to figure out how to do that when Yonah needs to nurse at the same time. But I can handle it.
Tuesday we went to the library. We drove out, although it is in walking distance. There was a story time, and Naisa wanted to be held the whole time because Memaw was there. But it was fun and I think Naisa would continue to enjoy it, and they have a "pre-literacy" room with toys and puzzles. I met a girl who was an au pair for tow little boys that I might get together with. I think the library thing might work out.
Yesterday we got Naisa her potty and today we went for groceries. Mom went and got some Indian food and we had it for lunch. It was good! A nice change of pace.

I've been spending this week hanging out with mom, Naisa, Yonah (my nursing 'boss') and watching 7th heaven. HuluPlus has all eleven seasons, so I decided that I would purchase a month of Hulu plus and see how far we could get.

I like it because, unlike other TV shows, there is no marital infidelity, it doesn't scare or disturb me, I like the husband-wife relationship, it's like Gossip Girl with all the drama, but in a family setting (hahahahahahah). It's funny to me and makes the days go a little quicker until Ben comes home from work. :)

With Mom being here, I have had some of my people needs met, but I'm looking forward to gettting out of the house with both of the kids so that I can meet my extrovert sanity needs.

How was your week?

My Mommy Promise

I love you
I cherish you
I will keep you safe
I will protect you
I will keep you fed
I will keep you warm
I will let you nurse
I will help you sleep

I will take care of myself so I can take care of you
I love you