Thinking

I've been thinking about updating this blog lately.

But I haven't.

What is there to update anyway?

I start my internship tomorrow, wedding planning is going well, I am addicted to chocolate (what's new?), and I'm adjusting to being a commuter.

Long story, shortened.

New Song: Steadfast

I've been mulling over this thought for awhile. I've been thinking about the next CD I'm going to record, and I really wanted to put all of my new stuff from this semester on this CD. I was reading in Psalms and I read "My heart is steadfast O my God. I will sing praises to you with all my soul". And I was thinking about my relationship with God and how important sticking with God is to me. And I decided I wanted to call this CD "Steadfast." I hadn't written a song with that title at that point, but I wanted it to show how I want to live my life: for God. This song is a mixture of Psalm 23 and the Psalm I read with "steadfast" in it.

My heart is steadfast
To you, my God.
You bring me through this
Toward you, Shepherd

You keep your promises to me
And blessed am I through
Every struggling thing
You lead me to a resting place
My soul is restored
You are along the way
All along the way

When the world tries to show me a different gate
You taught me to turn and run back to you
When the world tries to make me want
You are my God.

New Song: Holes, Whole, Holiness

I wrote this song for many reasons. I find myself getting lost in my thoughts and I feel like my mind isn't being healthy. I am being hyper-sensitive to things that I'm thinking about, but these are consuming me, becoming anxiety, stress, worry. Jesus told us not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it self, so the lyrics of this song are my heart seeking God to fill me completely, and to take away my worry.

Spirit, take over
Take over my mind (heart, soul, life)
Remove my thoughts
And my desires

Make clear your will
For my soul
Walk with me
On this path towards light

Will me to seek you
With everything
I have no peace
Without you

You are the only one
Who can fill my holes
And make me whole
With your holiness

New Song: TBTN "God to you, Love"

The deepest wounds healed in my heart
Burn for yours
Every time I see
The deepest wounds in your heart
Are Open Sores
Because it's still new

And how do I address
How can I access you?
Your pain builds walls thicker
Than sound can come through
Let me call you out of stone
You are not alone in this
I feel every tear

And you are precious to Me
You carry Holy Strength and Beauty
You are Rock Solid, Let me make you Liquid
You can melt into me
And I will carry you through
This hell the world's done to you

Genuine

God, teach me patience. Teach me patience with people I don't like. Help me to love them even if I can't like them.
Creative Abba, lead me to be humble. Teach through the words that come out of my mouth, but not just others, me too. Teach me that my own way isn't always the best way. Open me to new thoughts.
Eloheim, teach me what it means to be a God-fearing woman. Teach me to respect those who disrespect me, to give flowers to those who hurt me, and to give smiles to those who rupture me with their words.
Teach me that tears are like 1000 words. Deep emotion is worth feeling. Balance is worth working to keep. Love is worth giving. Vulnerability is worth reaching. Trust is worth giving and keeping.
Let Your power be made perfect in my weakness. Show Yourself through my imperfection.
You are God over all of me.

Song: You are the Breath I Breathe

I wrote this song with a desire in my heart to put God into every aspect of my life. I have been working to write many songs about being led, listening to God, and following God to do His will. I struggled after I wrote this song, trying to figure out if I wrote it for me or if I wrote it for God, because I felt like my motivations weren't right as I was writing it. So I put it down for a couple days, because there is nothing worse that not being genuine with the music that I am feeling from my soul. But I felt okay about what I had written, came back to the song with a humble heart, and saw a little more of what God was teaching me in these words that God inspired me to write.

Let the serenity I seek
Cleanse my inner being
Let motivation form
To keep these steps I'm walking
Let this balance beam of life
Give me support to cope
Keep my self-strength looking toward you
You are my everlasting

Teach me to hold your hand
Guide my thoughts to become yours
Teach me to love your words
You've followed through with me
There are no other means to exist in this world
You are the breath I breathe

When my lens is indecisive
I can't see beyond the hill ahead
You walk beyond
I can see your footsteps
Let me be a holy sacrifice
Come away with nothing
You are my daily bread
You are everything I need

Song: Lead me

You taught the ocean to take its first breath
And it makes wave to a rhythm pleasing you
You spoke your will into the ears of trees
And now they produce leaves

You gave fantastic motivation to birds
To learn how to fly even when
they fall to the ground the first time
Now open these wings of mine
And ask me to fly
But in your will not mine

So Lead me
Emptying my heart
Of my own motivation
Lead me
To share your love
With every action
You are holier
Than my mist of a life
Take me and make me
Yours

New Song: You Save Me from myself

You are godliness
Live through me
Let my actions show
Bear fruit in me
Help me give your love away
An the knowledge that's in my soul
You're in control

You within me
Is more than I could ever deserve
Your actions in my life
What a merciful God
I'm filled with humility
how you do this for me!
You save me from myself

Your promises are kept
Fill me with faith
I know this life's better than my selfish desires
Your goodness through me
Redefines the best I can be
You fill me

New Songs

These psat two weeks have been academically, mentally, and emotionally busy, but God has continued to remind me to walk on His path, and take time for myself and time for Him. I am continually blessed with the God awesome Gift to write music as worship for God. I think the coolest thing that has made the biggest impact is the fact that I've been learning and growing from the words that I write. God has been providing lyrics that both express how I feel and challenge me. These two new songs, which have been written in the past two weeks, express my love, my need, and my growth in my relationship with Christ. I know that I cannot do anything by myself, that it is with God's mercy that my life is the way it is, and I'm firmly thankful of it.

I will keep walking
Standing firm, believing
I know this path this faith is true
I will keep holding
Onto this hope
Love must surround me
As I walk down this path

My God, My light,
I will dance in your footsteps
As I keep learning the way you move
And I'm not much of a dancer
But you lead so well
I know I'll go wherever you will

I used to long for fullness, Holiness
Christ you are my promise,
Salvation is satisfied
For Christ fully understands
Reprimands darkness
You are my strength

My God, My light,
I will dance in your footsteps
As I keep learning the way you move
And I'm not much of a dancer
But you lead so well
I know I'll go wherever you will me to go

We're now of one mind
Breathe in, Slow down
Soak in the Son
He'll guide every move
Let your light shine
The Father's in you
He'll lead you wherever he wills.

New Song #2
I have peace surrounding me
Your trust is clear I don't need anything
I have true love in my soul
My God has filled my heart full

Before I had you inside of me
My empty heart tried empty love
But you grow beauty from nothing
You dwell in me, you make me beautiful

Your freedom is within me
New life is your gift to me
And it's not about me,
You are holy, holy!
Now it's your breath I breathe
It's your words I speak
Your love loving out of me
You are holy, holy!

You are my God who provides
I don't need any love besides
The truth, the promises
Are fulfilled, you fulfill me.

Engagement Story--pictures to come!

The Important Events Preceding, and Ben and I’s Engagement Story
Ben came home from his trip around the world on the 28th of July, and then headed to northwestern Ohio, where I had been all summer, working at Sauder Village, recording a CD, and living with my parents and sister. It had been a long, long three months. We were ready to see each other and be with each other.
We got to do a whole bunch of things. He came to and supported me at my CD release concert at West Clinton (the church my parents attend) Sunday night. We went to the zoo on Monday, Sauder Village on Tuesday, and then Wednesday we headed out to Streetsboro, OH, where I was going to have another concert, at the church I attended there for the seven years when my family lived there.
Ben still had to ask my parents for permission to marry me, and we weren’t exactly sure when it was going to happen. He finally set up an appointment with my mom and dad on Tuesday evening before we left. He was nervous as all get out, and I didn’t know that I was going to be a part of the discussion until we were in the sunroom at my house, and we were pouring tea for four people.
Ben started out the conversation: “I love your daughter, I love spending time with her—“
And my dad interrupted him, “Stop for a second, let me ponder that. Hmm. You love my daughter.”
After that pause, Ben asked, “Can I marry your daughter?”
And Dad said, “Sure.”
Ben looked at my mom, and she nodded, smiling real big, ” Yeah, absolutely.”
Ben and I were both expecting some sort of question-answer situation, so Ben was trying to figure out what he would say to these. Thus, Ben nearly peed his pants when my dad stopped him like that.
Then my dad talked about how he was able to watch our relationship this summer as we communicated long distance, and talked about how he’d been praying for Ben this past summer.
But then Dad said, “So you’re the guy that I’ve been praying for all these years.” My father has been praying for, is still praying for, the future husbands of all of us girls, and it’s really cool to think about how before we even met, God knew, God was listening, God was blessing.
The next morning we went to Streetsboro, I had my concert at Aurora Mennonite Church (which was such a blessing, and I’m almost certain that this concert was more significant for me than the first one. And God is good.) Ben and I spent the night at Vern and Dee’s and then we headed out the next morning for Ben’s home. We drove for nearly seven hours, and then arrived at his house. We left for Spruce Lake Retreat, where the Delp family vacation was. We arrived there Friday afternoon, and I started getting reacquainted with the relatives I had met in April (when I had mono), and also meeting some new relatives.
Sophie, one of Ben’s cousins, latched herself to me. I met Ben’s Delp grandparents, (what characters!!). One of Ben’s aunts, Christie (who is Sophie’s mom), situated some of the sleeping arrangements, and we shared a bed in the girls’ room in the house that everyone was staying in.
While we were still in Ohio, Ben and I had decided that we were going to go hiking up the mountain and read Genesis 1 and 2, because that was something that Ben had wanted to do since we had started dating (in fact, on our first date, he was showing me pictures on his iPhone of mountains and talked about that idea). We also decided that we should do it as the sun was rising, so we planned to wake up at 6am the next morning to do this. Thus, we went to bed decently early (or at least I did. Ben stayed up with the guys in the guys room and did a power Bible study before they went to bed.)
Then we woke up really early, Ben had a HUGE bowl of cereal (which was not enough for him), and we set out on our hike. We hiked up the mountain for about an hour. It was pretty rocky terrain, but I enjoyed it and it was good change scenery for me (Ohio has nearly no rocks in the ground, is flat, and there aren’t really ferns growing anywhere). There were ferns everywhere (and I like ferns, so this was nice), and nice peaceful morning noises like waterfalls tinkling, and birds chirping. We got to an over look that showed a view for miles and miles of trees and mountainous terrain. Then we sat down and started reading Genesis, and pondering the creation of the earth, in the creation of the earth. We did some praying and snuggling, and sat in silence for a little while.
Then Ben asked me, “What does love mean to you?”
I don’t remember all that I answered, but I can assure you, it was genuine and true. Then I asked him the same question. He answered statements of truth, promises that had been kept; my heart swelled at his response. Then he started smiling and stopped talking, and I knew something was up.
“And one more thing.” Then Ben got down on one knee, pulled out a mahogany box and asked, “Will you marry me?”
And of course I said YES!
Now the sun had been out when we had hiked up the mountain (we didn’t experience the “sunrise” but we had seen the sun continue to rise, which counts. :D) but then as we continued to be there, some clouds were out and so we didn’t see the sun. Now for Ben, that was pretty important. God has spoken to him in very clear ways with the sun, and so he really did want the sun to be shining, but it was consistently cloudy, right up until he got down on one knee. Then the sun came through the clouds, God’s promise, his affirmation for us.
Then we hiked down the mountain, overjoyed, incredibly in love, and certain that God’s will in our life is for us to be together. Ben made an announcement at lunch to his whole family, and I was overwhelmed with welcoming, acceptance, and love. Ben’s aunt took some engagement pictures for us, and we spent the afternoon calling relatives and close friends.
As far as the date for our wedding goes, we are still working out some logistics (financial things), but very very soon, we will have an official date.
Love you all,
(the soon to be) Grace Margaret Engle Delp (or something along those lines)

"Inspirations" CD Release!

Well folks, get excited!
I've been working hard all summer, and it's all starting to pay off!
I recorded my first CD, called Inspirations, containing twelve of my many original songs.
Then, I set up this button, so you can purchase them online, and this is perfect for my family members, friends in high and low places, and telling the world about my music!
Thus, below you can click and buy a CD!

Inspirations CD $14, $2 shipping:

This button will also be available on the margin of my blog for purchasing purposes.

New Song! Look to God Alone

This song has a humbling theme for me. It's a reminder of the fact that what I want doesn't really matter. Ahhh. That is such a hard one to over come. But! God is good. He knows exactly what we need AND when we need it. And that is the beauty of His Will! So enjoy. THough I can't afford it right now, I hope to record this one and many others that I have written this summer, in the midst of recording my CD (so I couldn't record them then.).

Seek first the kingdom
For it is not of this world
Lay down your earthly things
And leave them behind
Seek the will of a Father
Who will keep you safe from harm
He is our love, deep inside
Our Holy Satisfaction

Let the Provider fill your need
Seek the one who turns mourning to rejoicing
May his will encapsule your life.
Don't live for people
Look to God alone.

If you have so much pain
It makes it hard to breathe
Come to me and I will give you rest
Let me breathe on you
And give you eternal life
It's love, the Father's will is LOVE!

Let the Provider fill your need
Seek the one who turns mourning to rejoicing
May his will encapsule your life.
Don't live for people
Look to God alone.

Our God has created peace
And overcome the world!

God Working [In Me]

I've been reading Experiencing God with my church this summer, and have really been moved by God.
This book is really affirming for many reasons, because it's helping me switch the view point from me to God, from selfish to selfless. I knew that there were reasons that I felt compelled to do things, to encourage other people, and at times I could feel the Holy Spirit with my and knew that God was doing the work and not me, but now I'm in a view point where I see that it's not just me, in fact it's not me at all doing anything!
In this book, there are certain things that are highlighted and pointed out for looking for where God is at work in you. This helps me because it leads me to pray a certain way, instead of the normal "Help me..." Instead it's "Lord, do your will ..." This is completely different! and I love it. I've been yearning for it all my life!
What I'm learning is that when I feel compelled to do something, I need to let God do everything, not try to direct my own thoughts and words. God's doing everything around me. In every situation I'm in, instead of doing the usual logical thinking, I let God tell me what to do, instead I ask God what He wants me to do! For someone as stubborn as I am, this is a working progress, and remembering that God is number one in my life reminds me that He should be on my mind all the time, not just part of the day, and be in eery activity, not just the ones I think I need Him in.
It's easy for me to discuss and be candid, to high heaven, in fact, I could talk somebody's ear off. But for now, I'm going to start having holy conversations, because I really do hate small talk as much as the next person.

This is a short update, there's so much more spinning around in my head that is good and healthy and God! May God lead you to listen to His Voice instead of your own.

You are GOD ALONE

As I was walking beside the ocean today, breathing in the moist air, collecting shells, praying for patience with an unwelcome cold, the lyrics of this song rang true for me. As the waves, even the small ones, as the surf crashed over my feet,
"You are not a God created by human hands.
You are not a God dependent on any mortal man.
You are not a God in need of anything we can give.
You are God, that's just the way it is."

Not a God in need of anything we can give. But God is God, and does want us, and does protect us.

"You are God alone, from before time began,
You were on your throne, you were God alone.
And right now, in the good times and bad,
You are on Your throne, you are God alone."

And the wind wrapped around me,beautiful shells stood out to me as a walked along the sand,
I dodged one live jelly fish in exchange for an especially beautiful shell. And I kept breathing, and thanked God for his speaking through the ocean.

More Reflections on the Ocean

The connection of waves, and the molecule that make the ocean.
1) It takes several ripples to make a wave, and Many Many more molecules to create the ripples. The more ripples and the long distance to take them, the bigger the impact. And with more energy. God is the driving fore, and we are but wee ripples in the water, but together, God uses the ripples to create an impact upon the sand. And the more of us on the same page, we can make a greater impact, as the driving force of the waves permit. This is a reminder of what God can do with people in unity
2) sand needs to be moist with the Water of Life to be moldable.To be shaped for the will and work of God. Otherwise it falls apart at any notion of attempted shaping. It fills in holes of work that were being dug. There is a need for lots, and many to build a kingdom with God's Will.
3) Sometimes the ocean is frustrating. It dunks you, flips you about, and you get salt water in your mouth. Sometimes it makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous, afraid, feeling uncertain about getting back to shore. Sometimes we rejoice in the ocean, a cooling breeze, and we jump through the ocean, feeling the power of the ocean, and enjoy the surf watering our feet.
As the waves stay the same, always tumbling, moving in a direction, in and out, in a circle, a cycle. The tide comes in and goes out, removing foot steps taken the day before.
4) Watching the sunrise teaches me a lot about the timing of God. You can't slow down or pseed up the sunrise. We can't rewind and replay. And we have to watch the entire time, or we miss something.
You have to be patient. You never know what to expect, and it's sometimes not what you did expect. But it is what it is. It's beautiful no matter what, and if you take the time to listen, it will speak to you. Each sunrise is a painting and glimpse of God's glory, and they are different every day, so keep watching, listening, reflecting. Don't forget to reflect.

Sand

I'm taking a vacation with my family at Cape Hatteras, in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and I was recognizing the significance of sand, in the circumstance of Go promising Abraham that his descendants would be more abundant than the grains of sand on the earth. Phew. That's uncomfortable.

I say uncomfortable because with the beach comes sand, sand in your hair, sand on your feet, sand in every crevice of your body. And for those of us with more crevices, this gets a little unreasonable to have to rinse off every time we come back to the campsite from the beach. It gets a little annoying, you know what I'm saying?

Th point is, those little Israelites were going to prosper, and there was nothing that was stopping them. They weaseled there way into a lot of good deals, and out of bad deals because they were prosperous (and sometimes into bad deals, like slavery) But that didn't stop them. They still burrowed their way into those little nooks and crannies.

The truth is, we annoy God sometimes, like sand sometimes annoys me at the beach. But the great thing to notice is that sand is moldable. God can form sand into something beautiful--sandcastles, sculptures, and even glass. Whenever people walk through sand, they imprint their foot print upon it. This is beautiful and unique, but it also blemishes the perfect smoothness of the sand that the ocean just created. But God takes those imperfections, and just like a wave of ocean, washes away the blemishes from us.

God erodes away, reshaping our intentions for good. He buries our sins in the sand, in the patterns of his plan painted with the shells, seaweed and sand. God makes things grow out of sand.

God-Water Song

I've been contemplating this one since April. It's been a hot topic since I had a great analogy about how God is like water to humans and the earth! We need it every day to keep living. We breathe it in, we drink it in, we bathe in it, we thank God for the rain. So here it is, or part of it thus far

Pour your unending love upon me
Let the peace flowing from your streams surround me
Your fountain soaks my soul
You make me expand so that I am whole

You are The waterfall
Raining down all around me, cleansing
My walls are falling down
Eroding my false identity
TO make me who you want me to be

You are always around me
I breathe you in,
You fill me with life
The water of life
Without Your mercy I'm cracked and cry
You are all-knowing
You fill the shape of who your working in,
You erode, replenish, build
To fulfill your will

You're my oasis in this desert
You give me energy, you are cooling, relaxing, sweet
May your will hydrate me to keep
Living in this humanity

You take away the shame
I will dance in your rain
You wash away my stain
I will dance in your rain!
You take away my pain
I will dance in your rain
Even when I fall again
I will dance in your rain!

Obsession

I have my share of obsessions. I realize that these come out more when I am more bored and have less to do. Piercing obsession. I'm thinking about getting something else done! I don't know why, but this always happens. Maybe I'll get something in my ear done. Not my lip, not my eyebrow (but OH SO TEMPTING!)Ha! You can totally tell I'm obsessed. It has something to do with curiosity, a little masochism, and also getting attention.
But I have good obsessions. and these are linked to the knowledge that I have found peace within me. Reading, journaling and discussing God's word. Making it a contemplation, meditation, and realization. Also, my obsession with piano, music, writing music. (Every time I see a piano, I want to play it)
But the balance of it all is that I have people to balance me out. When I have others around me, they regulate my obsessions, so I'm not so tempted to get a piercing (unless they are egging me on), and they encourgae me to pursue what God has made a gift in me. And this is holy in itself.
I'm not so obsessed that God cannot work in me, and I recognize that i can sometimes be weakened in my faith in God when I obsess, I worry, and I over think. So here's to giving God obessions.

My only desire is to obsess and give all I can be to God, and listen to God's will!

All things Grace (and where they came from)

I am an Engle. This means I like to say the word, "poop" and then giggle, don't care about people farting around me, give the middle finger to my parents, and have a good sense of humor. this also means that I am stubborn, have big hips, and a tiny nose. Being an Engle also means I like to be strong, independent, assertive, and have occasional pack rat tendencies. I
I am descended from an Epp (my mom's side of the family). From them, I inherited thick fingers (they are thick! though my ring finger is a size 6, my hands are tiny!), big eyes, a small chest, a bout of shyness from the age of 2 through the age of 13. I had a farm girl's appetite which was inhibited enough in middle school to lose forty five pounds on Weight Watchers. Mom got me into crafts, art, knitting, and sewing (when I was little).
From both sides of the family, I inherited frugality and musicianship. I would go grocery shopping with my dad, and learned how to find the cheapest thing (and sometimes that meant to go to two different stores). Mom taught me to look through the coupons in the paper. We didn't have cable TV until I graduated, or a cell phone until I was 18. My parents got me into shopping at thrift stores and I love he random things I can find there, as well as the great deals for things I would never buy in normal stores. My mother taught me to play the piano (in the beginning). My dad taught me to sing with my gut (not directly. But you follow the example of those you are around).
I am goal driven. I don't know where this comes from exactly, but it has something to do with my stubbornness, and my high expectation for my self of achieving. I used to make goal posters for myself, and put them on my wall. Now, I have lots less goals, don't have them all written down, but I have conceptualized and realized them.

I'm making a CD

This has been something I have been putting off for a long time.
I haven't been ready to do this ever before. My life now has the stability that is necessary for me to work toward this. Plus, my writing abilities have blossomed. God is consistently in my writing now. :) Which is great, so I don't have anymore compartmentalization issues.

But here's the plan-o. This Friday is my first recording session. I'm over excited. Today I created my CD cover, a collaboration of a talented photographer friend (Bridgie) and some crayons later, and I have the most "Grace" CD cover that ever existed.

This is inner beauty. Heck yes. There is so much truth in everything about this CD so I'm so excited.