Twins?!

A couple weeks ago, I posted on my birth club on Babycenter: where's everyone measuring? An I saw other second time moms who were in similar boats as me, so I had no worries about twins. 

When I was still measuring big at my midwife appointment, and they showed interest, that was the first time I had thought about twins since earlier. But until then I had only had kicks at the bottom of my uterus that I'd been noticing. 

So, when there begun kicks at the top of my uterus, first separate from the bottom ones, then at the same time, I was starting to be convinced. 

And, I popped again. I look much bigger then I did a couple weeks ago. And my appetite is ridiculous. I have eaten 500 to 700 calorie snacks in the early morning because I couldn't make it to breakfast. My belly button is much shallower at this point than it was with Naisa's pregnancy. 

So, although we don't have an answer yet, as in, an ultrasound or even a Doppler, we are becoming convinced. we plan to use the Doppler at our next appointment in mid March as confirmation. With the amount of growth occurring as it is, I won't be surprised. 

And that is mostly uterus. It's like three inches above my belly button.

UGH- Pregnancy Weight Gain

Nobody likes gaining weight, especially in our culture. Especially me, especially because I'm already carrying weight from last pregnancy that I just couldn't kick after Naisa was born (I suspect I needed to do a detox, and was never given the chance between breastfeeding and becoming pregnant again).

But here I am hopelessly hungry in the middle of the night, during the day, all day. I drink lots of water and take my vitamins. I avoid sweet things most of the time. And you can't avoid carbs if you need energy to chase children around.

I just hope it levels out, and I don't gain over forty pounds this time. I gained over fifty pounds with Naisa. 
But, if there are twins, there may not be any leveling out....

New song: Let it Shine

Your Glory shines in the light

Your Glory shines through the dark

May Your Glory shine through me

I am blind, I am deaf. 

I am only a mess

But you still see, You still love me

Hallelujah 

Give praise in this place

Hallelujah

Give glory to Your face

Father, my King

Humble me

In my iniquity

Let me love only Your way

Let it shine, let it shine!

Your love for the blind 

And searching hearts like mine

You are God, You are my vine.

Insert awesome piano ness here. 

We're pregnant again.

Now, we're 21 weeks! Wow. That was fast. :)

I have been feeling kicks a lot more often lately. :) the past few days, especially. They have been all over my uterus, not just in the bottom right quadrant. I am enjoying this a lot! I have lots of energy- I made bread, lactation cookies, and shepherds pie on Wednesday. And then I went to bed at eight. But that's how it goes.

I have continued to workout four to five times a week with T- Tapp. It has been a great workout to do during pregnancy. And not just great because I actually do it, but because it helps with my neck aches from bad sleep and I have had no round ligament pain or hip pain since the middle of the first trimester.Plus, I discovered the exercise called awesome legs, and its helping my maternity pants fit better! I always gain weight in my legs and hips, especially during pregnancy. I am hoping it helps me curb my weight gain for this second half of the pregnancy. With Naisa, it signed thirty pounds after 20 weeks... I would love to gain only twenty more for the rest of the pregnancy. But we'll see. Interesting things have been brewing. I can't wait to see what the next few weeks' growth shows. We are measuring at 24.5 and 25 weeks at our 20 week appt. last week. I asked if it could be because its my second pregnancy and one of the midwives said that in her practices, moms always measured similar to their previous pregnancies. I measured right on with Naisa until the end. 

So I, though not my husband, am contemplating the possibility that we could have twins (EXCITING), we could be due earlier (much less exciting), I could have a large cyst in my womb (awful), or I could just be measuring big. But hmmmm.... I like to think if the other options... Particularly the twin one. 

What an adventure that would be. And I was doing some research of other moms pregnancies and their births, and I realized how much more monitoring that they do during twi pregnancies and births.... 

And of course it bugged me. Twins are not always high risk. 

I personally want to deliver naturally even if the baby is breech because I have a "generous" pelvis. (Naisa was born (pushed 1/2 an hour in the steamy relaxing water bath) with no issues and a "skid" of a tear. She was 9lb 3oz. ) I feel like I could do anything. 

The only reasons I would find it necessary to get a c-section would be a placenta previa, a cord prolapse, and possibly a stubborn transverse baby that would turn. ( and there may be more that I am unaware of, but i am not thinking if them now.)

it's funny it's Valentines day today. I blogged about very different things in the past years. 

So, as we unthaw from the winter storm, take a date break, I am going to treasure up these things. I had a hard time treasuring my last pregnancy, so right now, I'm treasuring my little girl, my husband, and my bouncing womb. 

Blessings on your day!

Grace

A new song; new life

Hello all! I know it has been a good amount of time since I have last written. There have been a few songs, but this is the one that is the newest. It's my first "Christmas" song. And I'm pretty happy about it.

Incredulous love

You came into this world
From a virgin womb
To heal us from our hopeless pain
That we were going through
Comfort and peace of mind
We've found the Messiah
You know you're the truth
You are the only truth

How holy, the Father gave his only son
Because we thought we could handle this life
On our own
How generous to give everything
In exchange for nothing
Incredulous love
For the forsaken
You have saved me

The hope for my existence,
You were there at the start, creating
Whispers of your life's fulfilled promises
Prophets spoke long ago,
and You held out your end of the deal
And you'll do it again
When you come again


And in other news, Ben and I are expecting again. We are 13 weeks tomorrow, due at the end of June. We are excited, and I'm looking forward to the energy or the second trimester and no more nausea!!

Love, the Delplings

Inhibited Joy

It doesn't say un-inhibited joy, if you were wondering.
I've described to two people, a sister and a friend, the feeling of a shadow covering the true joys of the past year and a half. This shadow rains shame and guilt on the beautiful transitions of my life since the beginning of 2012.

There have been so many true joys since then--
Graduating! Getting Married! Being pregnant and giving birth to Naisa! Naisa!

But each is covered with the shame and guilt and is still covered.

Graduation--I had to finish my social work degree with a practicum. It was a bad fit, there wasn't enough work for me to thrive but because I was already covering one secret (being pregnant), it was impossible to share with my male professor that I wasn't being challenged enough, I was exhausted, I was bored, and the things they were asking me to do were exhausting, boring, and didn't match what I wanted my practicum to look like. Things went down hill, and they fired me, and my safe haven of social work was removed (pulled out from under me). My cords of distinction recognition was also ripped away, though i received the actual cords. I graduated with a liberal arts degree, though all my other coursework was completed.

Then I had a job doing childcare for a family that also ended with me being fired. This was awful, I had a car mishap, and I was still very much an "independent" toddler to the work force, didn't do the "right" thing. That hurt a lot.

The hard parts about both of these things are like the fact that I dated and broke up with a boy one year older than me my freshman year of high school--you run into them often. cue traumatic and negative feelings.

Getting married: There shouldn't be guilt for this one, but there is. We were 20 weeks pregnant with Naisa when we got married. I feel negative, not really about that, or the wedding itself, but sometimes I think about what it would have been like for me to experience marriage with just Ben, like all the other newlyweds do, with their sleek out-of-college-using-their-degree-jobs.

It's not that getting married was the hard part, but adjusting to living with each other, and the hormonal side of me wasn't the easiest thing in the world. It was challenging, sometimes it sucked. We had to learn to communicate, even when angry (anyone?)

Being pregnant: Since the beginning of Naisa's pregnancy was a secret, the whole time, I felt like I was holding back, not telling something, lying because I was quiet. Maybe it was because of my degree being taken, maybe it was because I started feeling like a stranger on campus at school, maybe it was because of that verse in the Bible that says, "all things hidden will be exposed to the light." All I wanted was for other people to know and understand everything. My whole situation, my disappointment with myself, my struggles with feeling like this was forced upon me. And I graduated, and the summer went by and then school started again, and I would go on campus to see my friends, to get away from the apartment, and Naisa was about to be born by then, so there were people who stared and people who knew because a friend told them, and I hate! How people talk!.

Naisa was born easily, and I can only thank God for that! But breastfeeding went down the tubes at two weeks, when she wasn't gaining weight. I wish we'd asked for help sooner, not worrying about money. I started pumping and we had to supplement with formula and eventually only a little formula at a time, but it weighed on me. Not that I was a "failure" at breastfeeding (sometimes, not all the time), but the 'woe is me' is kicking in now, as I'm weaning myself off pumping and providing only a small amount of milk per day. I worry about Naisa's immunities and once she gets sick. I just wanted this to be something that we'd do for a long time. if we were breastfeeding, I wouldn't even be thinking about weaning. She still drinks lots of milk as it is.

So the summary of all of this is, lots of things have happened in the last year and a half. Hard things, challenging things. Things that have changed who I am, in good ways, and things that have made my heart heavier. I don't think about them everyday anymore. But some come up-- you know how that works, the memories are triggered by something. Driving past the location where I worked. Seeing people associated with these hardships. Feeling outside and strange to who I was and wishing I'd turned and walked quickly away from the interview I had for my practicum.

So, as each day passes it does get easier. I don't need to feel triumphant and proud when I run into these people that I've overcome (though that would be a nice feeling). I know time heals, forgiveness is a process, but it is an intentional one.

I want to feel joy untamed
Regain the hope that I thought I lost
Feel Jesus' love completely
Surrounding everything
That's ever hurt me
I will survive through every hardship
Joy, untamed. Break it open!

Worship

So I'm reading this book called "the Invested Life", but JOel Rosenberg and it talks about the difference between worship and praise.

Worship is when you praise God for who he is regardless of your circumstances
Praise is when you thank God for your circumstances, and prepare yourself for true worship.
Worship is when you meditate on God's awesomeness with your humbleness.

God is All-Knowing.
You know my heart, my struggles me fears. Thank you God. You know the pain in the hearts of people I know. Love them God! They need you, and you know it and you are already taking care of them. Amen, God! God you know every micro issue that causes people to be different. Thank you God! You can micro manage.

You are an awesome, holy, powerful excellent Father! Amen.

there have been many posts I could have written, but

they were all egotistical, and in reality, any blog post I write soley so that other people can see  my thoughts is self centered. But there's not wrong in processing thoughts, yearnings, and other things.

Recent "blog posts" I have thought of writing include: Why I won't pluck my eyebrows (hint: there are little eyes watching me now), How I need to die to self more, Why this house isn't clean (ok, I made that one up, but I was looking at our living room as I sit on my butt typing).

I will devote a small paragraph to each of these before these thought flicker out, if i can get them out before Naisa has a freak out moment (I'm waiting for her to fall asleep  for nap time, but she might need some more milk).

so what was I going to write about originally? My yearning to travel and do mission work, my desire to have less responsibility (on occasion), and to be less needed). Yesterday Naisa and I were outside getting some vitamin D (20 minutes a day, baby! We're prepping for the beach). and I saw a young woman walking her dogs, in exercise clothing. There was no baby in a carrier, no milk in her breasts, no nap to get back at the end of. All she had to do was walk those dogs, get some exercise herself. She could even run too, if she wanted, because there were not thirty extra pounds hanging out on her hips (not that I cannot run with these thirty extra pounds, it's just harder to do longer distances. right now. when I haven't run since the end of June. yep).

And I was longing for less responsibility. I could get a job. Help other people.

COME ON, GRACE! WHAT ARE YOU ALREADY DOING??

It's a nice poke in the gut to be reminded that this sweet sweet child is my job and the one that needs me the most. If I went to a job elsewhere, I would just want to be with her, longing to be with her while I was gone, anxiety spiking as my chest would get heavy. And I would have other responsibility. Silly me. It's all about me. NO IT"S NOT.

I'm constantly humbled as I try to figure out what I want, what I'm yearning for, and what I think I should be doing. I should be breastfeeding, but we didn't have the gumption to get Naisa's tongue tie fixed in time. I should have lost most weight, rather than maintaining these last eight months. But what are all these things about? Me. Stop. Stop. Stop. 

God knows that I wanted to do these things. He knows how hard it has been for me to pump. He knows how much of a challenge it has been to adjust from being "independent" to being "depended on." But He knows it's GOOD for me. It's for the GOOD WORK that He's doing. Grace, stop being Jonah! Get with the program. Do the work and will of God as He calls you, giving with joy!

I know, I know, I know! There are so many things I wouldn't have been able to experience or do if I had a job, or graduated without a bump in the road, or we didn't have Naisa so soon. These things I HAVE experienced because I have been pregnant, I've been home, I've been in this neighborhood and this apartment. Time with friends, and making new friends, being held accountable and holding other people accountable. Babysitting new people's kids and getting to know them!

I think that I just need to change my attitude and wake up on the right side of the bed (today I woke up angry. I've been praying for peace. it's coming, it's coming.)

I'm stuck on me. I'm stuck on the things I still think I need to do. Maybe I will do them, but they will be done differently than I imagined. And I have new things I yearn to do. But they will be different than I imagined them as well. Like when we travel. We will have one (or more) in tow, coming along for the ride, doing different things than Ben and I would have done just us. When/if we do mission work in another country, it will be different. When/if I get a chance to work at camp again, it will be different.

Different isn't bad, different can be good, but ultimately, different is just different. 

What needs to die? What part of me is worldly and holding on to "dreams"? Dreams that are worldly and desires of success in this world in ways that are not glorifying to God. Fame has been a past dream of mine, with music and songs. I just want to reach people with God's love, but recently I recognized that the music neither needs to bring fame or money to touch people. It's part of giving to receive. Let me bless others so that I can live more abundantly! The more I grow closer to God, the more I see that any dream to become famous can be of Satan, and more times than not it is, because it's about me, it's about what I can do and what I can make, not what God can do and make. If what we're doing isn't prioritizing spreading the Gospel to other people, is it of God? no. No. It's not.

-My worries with my appearance/reading pre-pregnancy weight/exercising everyday--these are all about me, now, not me, later. Does it matter in the long term, as in eternal? no, not really. But as we hone and tone our relationship with God, and it hampers what I do for him, does it mean it could be something I need to pay attention to? Yes, but the most important thing is growing close to Him in the process.

Father God it's hard to be
Strong in You in lukewarm water
God I pray that I would seek
Only your right words to speak

We don't know when is our final step
Or when we'll take Our last breath
But i know for sure where I'll be
if I don't let Christ work in me

So be bold and open your mouth!
God's love is here make sure it's loud!
We are called to reach out
Not enclose ourselves
Are you ready for judgement day?

We've got a path to take
And if we're standing still
All we have is sinking sand
And if we forget
To let God speak
Our tongues will leave malicious streak
Seek His work everyday
Take the focus off of self

Idolatry and today's "goddesses and gods": Celebrities

Have you ever noticed how people obsess about famous people?

From Angelina Jolie being a 'hero' and incredibly publicized for getting a preventative surgery, to reality TV shows super-publicizing the Kardashian's lives, there is no end to the options. If you have digital television, you can watch hundreds (thousands) of tv shows, reality, competitions,and people 'fulfilling' their dreams, all in the name of money.

Social networking, internet, and the media have mega-sized this. Magazines at every store at every aisle. A person can now 'follow' or 'subscribe' to mulitple outlets of information on their favorite people on the internet.

We want to be like them. We want their lifestyles, their clothes, their cars, their money, their bodies, their sex. We want to dance like them, act like them, have noses and lips like them. We crave new information about them, we wait for the updates.

They are our standard. We become "star struck" by them. They seduce us with their words, bodies, their money, and abilities. 

It's just like the Greek gods and goddesses and their mythology. Their narcissistic lives, driven by their human desire. normal people becoming like them with 'connections' to them.

Do normal people worship them? Is this worshipping I think so.

Where is the majority of our time spent? Reading, focusing on the word of God? Building relationships with others to show them Christ?  Where, instead, is our attention and thoughts focused? that CD coming out. That next update. The three word conversations that happen on twitter.

 Whether positive, or negative, so many Americans, even many or maybe most Christians have their weaknesses.

Media is a great way to spread the gospel, exchange encouragement and uplifting information, but it also pulls people away from God. In most situations of media, I find this to be true.

I'm frustrated with how easy it is to be pulled into following celebrities. We have our excuses. "I look up to them." "They are great actors/tresses." "I want to see who wins/what they do next/what they are like as a real person."

What about what God wants, following God's word, listening to God's call and direction in our lives?

Don't let the word of God become irrelevant because you are "living in the now". Let Christ be your now, and always.

A different type of Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day.

This is the first valentine's day that Ben and I have been married.
This is the fist Valentine's Day that Naisa has been here.

So today I got to spend the first part of my day with 15 1-2 year olds reading books, playing, comforting (lots of comforting) at our local moms group. That was a thankful moment for me, that God did not create humans to have "litters" of children. (Amen, and amen.)

Naisa is enough for now. I like the idea of many children at different ages, but not several children all the same age. Twins would be hard. Triplets--I'd have to bring in reinforcements.

Ben and I will celebrate Valentine's day with church friends tomorrow night at a catered dinner at church. Last Valentine's day, we'd just found out we were pregnant and were getting used to that idea. We went to a really nice restaurant in the Harrisonburg area with a gift card. 

This year we were given the gift of child care by my awesome Grandma (shout out to Grandma Peg!) and the gift of tickets by Ben's dad (shout out to Ben's dad!). We are not so free with our money presently--we started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University mid January and now on a (necessary) budget. So Ben's gift to me was two pieces of dark chocolate and mine to him was several well-thought out "I love you because. . ." notes.

How are you spending your Valentine's day.

If you haven't seen Ted Swartz' video on V-day, here it is. Quite funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYk2exdeYIc

I'm starting this post before I chicken out

Being a mom is soo busy. I sometimes get time to breathe, but Naisa takes 110% of my time, and then  I'm also doing dishes and coming up with and making meals, so it's been nearly impossible to keep the house clean and keep up with exercising and eating right.

I have started exercising again, but it's been on again off again for a month and I'm hoping to stay on again because some baby weight needs to get rolling. I would love to join Weight Watchers to lose weight again, but because of where we are financially, it's not a possibility.

Naisa is a "good" baby. She doesn't have colic, she takes a couple naps a day, goes to bed without too much of a fuss, and sleeps almost all the way through the night (last night she slept through, but we've had a couple of those followed by regular once a night.

The hardest part for me has been the adjustment to pumping. I wanted to breastfeed and we were going to do it for a long time. But Naisa had other plans and wasn't taking in milk efficiently or effectively and so I've been attached to a pump three hours a day since she was two weeks old. And we're planning on giving her breast milk as long as I produce it (when you get pregnant again it dwindles and stops). But pumping takes double the time nursing a baby would take. Because I have to pump and then feed and pump and while I'm pumping I change her diaper and entertain her and eat lunch and use the bathroom, and read books and surf the Internet. I call it my oxygen tank because I have to carry it with me if I try to go somewhere while I'm pumping, and because I'm hooked up to the pump with little tubing like on an oxygen tank.

It gets old. And I have the patience for it, but to add to my breastfeeding woes, I had thrush on my nipples. This made pumping very painful and irritating, but I persevered, and through a series of medical and natural remedies (including vinegar rinses, coconut oil and excessive consumption of garlic) I have overcome it and my breast feel much more "normal".

We've had to supplement with formula to keep Naisa satisfied. At first I was a hater, but it's keeping me sane now because Naisa gets her needs met, and trying to increase my milk supply was not working, no matter what I tried (and I tried nearly everything.)

Oh I hate thank you cards. People kept sending cards with gifts and congratulations and I am thankful, very much so, but writing them takes forever. I would much rather thank people in person rather than mail them a card (a very indirect way to thank them). I made duplicates of the same thank yous for several people because I wrote the thank yous on two different occasions. So now I have to deecide what to do with the extra ones.

We're packing up our apartment this week. It's very challenging to pack up because we try to wait until Naisa is asleep for the night and then we can only pack up in the living room (which needs plenty of packing, for sure). But then we're tired, and I'm tired, and I have no motivation. It's super hard to pack up with a baby telling you to look at her and give her attention. I have an ergobaby carrier, but we have to bend over to pack many of the things in the living room and bedroom, so having a front heavy carrier on makes it challenging to do that.

We're having some friends come and help because I need the extra hands.

Christmas was great. We went to PA for a short while and spent it with Ben's family. It's always fun to go to Ben's house because there's lots and lots of food (which was also my demise) and get a break--Oma and Poppy want to spend time with her. It's also nice to connect with the Delps in Ben's extended family and also the Meyer's--Ben's step mom's extended family.

We drove home in a snowstorm and the drive took 8 hours instead of 4.5. It's easy to say that but it was a long frustrating drive home. Naisa was cranky when she wasn't sleepy and when we were not moving in bumper to bumper traffic (and both Ben and I had to pee) I took her out of her carseat to soothe her and she spit up big time on me, and pooped in her diaper. So I changed her diaper in the backseat of the car,, on my lap. That car is going to be too small very quickly.

We got to spend four days with my sister and parents, who came down to Virginia the day before us (also an 8 hour drive, but it's supposed to be) and we mad ea music video to a Kpop song, went running, ate Ethiopian food twice (YES) and they got to hang out and play with Naisa, who was adorable as usual. I love seeing my family. It was very special to see Mari's reaction to Naisa--it was her first time meeting her and it was truly delightful to see her interact with her.

So now we are looking for a job since Ben graduated from EMU and it's looking like we'll either stay in Harrisonburg or go somewhere random. It just depends on the job and the amount of work that will be involved. Ben is looking for something in Sales, and there are a few bites, but we haven't accepted an offer (there haven't been any official offers).

So that's life in a nutshell. 

Getting used to being a mommy

So Naisa is now two weeks and three days old.

The first two weeks were pretty difficult for us, losing sleep and breastfeeding woes, but we have begun to straighten things out. Naisa had to start supplementing with formula because she wasn't getting enough breastmilk from me, and was subsequently under birth weight at her two week appointment.

But once we started formula, it explained all the intense crying and the hungry after nursing for an hour. Now we have a calm baby who only cries when we don't give her food soon enough.

And my nipples are surviving. They were dreadfully sore from the first two weeks--and looked so bad that I'm just pumping right now to get them healed up so we can try breastfeeding again later. We're getting connected with WIC again because they have free lactation consultants (and free hospital-grade breast pumps), and we're also getting connected with Le Leche League. I would love to be able to breast feed Naisa, but that would have to involve her getting a good latch, which is the main reason for my atrocious nipples.

Ben is getting better at changing diapers. I'm enjoying carting Naisa around in my baby carrier and today we went for a walk. I'm also enjoying having Naisa sleep on my belly. She likes it because it's warm and it's Mommy. . . But I'm having trouble being patient with pumping. I have to do it often, because if I don't, my breasts leak like crazy, and my ducts get clogged. I'm also having trouble being patient with how much milk I'm getting out. I feel like I'm not getting enough and it won't be enough when Naisa does start breastfeeding again. If that happens. I hope it does, but at this point I'm trying not to think about the pain, and I'm hoping for a good latch. Naisa saw a baby chiropractor and he said she had some tension in her neck and jaw, but also that she had a lip tie and a sublingual tongue tie that may be an issue for breastfeeding. And if this is the case, it may be much more difficult to get back into it (especially because the solutions for the tongue and lip ties are a good bit more expensive than just removing tension).

So Ben and I are feeling a bit of the stress that comes with being new parents. And in addition to that, we are feeling the stress of finding a job after Ben graduates, and the stress of having homework when there are so many other tasks that need to happen and I can't do all of them, and it's hard to do some of them when I'm feeding Naisa and pumping so often. And finding time to just hang out.

We're doing okay. But we're also looking forward to when Naisa gets into a schedule with feedings and naptimes. And when she starts to smile and giggle. And walk. . . 

Naisa's Pre Birth and Birth Story!

I'm excited to announce that Ben and I's child has arrived!! Her name is Naisa (Nay-suh) Fern Delp. Naisa is derived from the Hebrew word "Nasa" (don't know the actual Hebrew lettering) and it means "The Lord forgives".  Ben was doing some intense Bible study a couple of weeks before our due date and found this word, told me about it, and we fell in love with the name. Then after that, I wanted to have a little girl, because I wanted to use that name. God knew that all along, from back in December when we conceived. :)


So Wednesday the 26th, we had our 41 week appointment with our midwife. I had hoped and hoped we wouldn't make it to this appointment, and we had a couple days where I thought that labor might be starting, but the contractions weren't intensifying, and stopped after a couple hours. And so the week of our due date, I walked everyday for almost an hour every day, to encourage labor to start.
But still no baby. So I kept walking--doing the same thing at the 41 week mark. But we still made it to that appointment.

I was emotionally ready to have that baby! I was sick of questions and ready to have answers! I was swollen (retaining water), my blood pressure was up a bit, but the baby was moving an measuring well, so I was happy. But because we were 41 weeks and a couple days, it was routine to have a biophysical profile done. It's an extensive ultrasound done for various reasons to make sure your baby is alright.  So we had one scheduled for that Friday.

Misty, our midwife, gave us some recommendations for natural induction of labor--homeopathics were recommended. So we went to Kate's Natural Products and found the little vials. One was homeopathic blue cohosh, and one black cohosh. The little vials are the size of chapsticks and contain little sugar pills that supposedly contain those two herbs. But you can't taste it. At all. So my prescription was to take two sugar pills of one at hour intervals. One at the :00, and the other at :30. So the next morning I started taking these sugar pills. And then went about my daily tasks. . . getting groceries, taking out the trash, washing dishes, figuring out Medicaid stuff for baby, made granola,  hanging out with friends (I walked with Bridgett that day, to Food Lion), and I stopped taking them when we went to bed that night. I didn't feel any different. During the day, I'd had a few contractions, but nothing exciting, and during my walk, I just had the tightening that I normally had from walks.

We went to bed around 10 pm, thoroughly convinced that I spent a day taking sugar pills for nothing, and preparing to go to Charlottesville for the biophysical profile in the morning.
Then at 2:30 am, I woke up because I was feeling pressure like I had to poop. So I went and tried to do that for a little bit, but didn't have any luck, and I moved onto the couch because that's how I normally would finish the night. But I couldn't fall asleep--every so often I would feel that same pressure, now feeling more like period cramps (but more intense) with added pressure, and I knew that this was the beginning of labor--real labor. I decided to wait a little bit to wake up Ben, didn't want him to be too tired, if this, in fact, was not real labor again. But at 3am I woke him up, telling him that I felt like it was starting.

So he got up with me and encouraged me along in the labor, which contractions were getting more intense and closer together. We called our midwife, and she said we'd probably have this baby Friday night or Saturday morning, and I was discouraged about that, because I felt like I was in a great deal of pain already, and how could I continue to labor like this for 22 more hours?? But she said to call again at 7am, so we labored until then. During that time, we ate, drank lots of water, and I deep-breathed through the first contractions and then moaned and groaned through the more challenging ones. They were getting more intense, and so when we called Misty again at 7, she said come in at 9.

So we waited, and counted, and I puked up some of my water and food. It was agony. I started peeking at the time to see how much longer until we would leave, and found myself having more contractions in ten minutes than I had been having before. Time s-l-o-w-e-d and it was killing me. But we made it to 9am, and got in the car and drove to the birthing center. The drive also felt like it took forever, because my contractions were so intense.

When we got there, Misty was just arriving as well, and she had me \ sit down in her office/ the exam room. She took my blood pressure (had to wait for a contraction to pass), my temperature, and maybe my pulse. The student nurse, Meredith, arrived and they started setting up the birthing room, and filling up the tub. my contractions felt the worst and most intense while I was sitting down--especially when I tried to pee in a cup--there was so much pressure going on.

Once the got the bed set up, I reclined on it and Misty checked my dilation, and was surprised to say that I was 8 or 9 cm dilated. She could feel the bag of waters bulging and with that, I got into the tub--the water covered my belly up to my chest, took away so much pressure, and made contractions more bearable. Not that bearable was that comfortable, we were going through transition shortly after I got in the tub. Misty was explaining to Ben what would happen when my body started to get into pushing stage right about when we got in the tub and it seemed just a few contractions after that, I started pushing, I can't really describe this feeling so well--mostly that there was so much pressure on everything down there and I wanted to move that pressure off! so I pushed!

I would take a break between each contraction, and Misty or Meredith would check the baby's heart rate on the sonogram. Her heart rate was fine, there wasn't any complications, and labor was really progressing quickly. at one point, Meredith asked me if I would like something to drink, and I said something along the lines of, "I'll have water when this baby is out."

I must gave been pushing for twenty minutes (I really have no idea about time), and I asked how we were doing, and they said things were moving right along--couldn't see the head yet, but it was in its way. At this point, I was pushing while leaning forward on the edge on the tub, and Ben was sitting in the edge behind me. I was 'vocalizing' a lot (low-pitched screams/groans, anyone?) and continued to do so until Misty suggested it would be more productive if I left more air in my lungs to push the diaphragm on the uterus. And then they suggested to try a different position, so I leaned back on Ben's legs and wrapped my arms around his knees and held his hands, and then let my belly, hips, and legs be supported by the water. We found that this was a much more productive position to push in, and soon they could see the head, and were commenting on how much hair there was. :)

At one point I reached down to feel and I felt the hair, and the head coming out in a point. Did you know that's how the head first presents itself? But by the time the baby is all the way out, those bones reshape again. Crazy. Totally God-created. Well I kept pushing and soon the head was crowning. I was super shaky from all the effort I was putting into each push, but it was worth every push. My motivation was meeting this baby, and I was prepared to push through the pain to do that. One of the things that I learned during my research is that the point where the woman thinks, "this is too much, I can't do this anymore" is the point where you have to push harder. So the entire labor, I had this in the back of my mind, and was doing my best to bear the pain and push through it as needed. During pushing, I must have reached that point. Not the "I can't do this anymore" feeling, but the "I need to push through this pain" feeling. There was so much pressure, though, that I was prepared to push her out no matter how much pain I felt. I was ready to meet her.


I remember feeling the "ring of fire" (down down down in the burning ring of fire) and saying so ("Oh, There's the ring of fire.") and soon Naisa's head was out. I asked if the cord was around her neck, but there wasn't enough give to take it off then, so she waited until I had pushed her out completely. I pushed maybe a couple more times, and I felt her body slip out. That was pretty bizarre feeling, and I felt a great release of pressure.

Then Misty handed her to me. My first words afterward were, "We have a child!", in disbelief that this little person had been growing inside of me for nine months and a week or two, and was ours, seemed huge (and long) in comparison to my belly, and (at that point) was still attached to me. I took her in my arms and put her against my chest and then remembered we had one more surprise--so I lifted her out of the water and saw that she was a girl! :) Ben and I were so excited, and we started calling her Naisa right away. We tried breastfeeding right away but she had trouble latching on to my flat nipples. I was going to birth the placenta in the tub, but wasn't really feeling any contractions, so we got out of the tub--we had to do a good bit of maneuvering to get out--Naisa still attached to me, and I was still bleeding a little. Once we got out of the tub and back on the bed (which was already lined with several absorbent pads for me to sit on), we decided to cut the cord. Ben got to do it, while Misty instructed him.  Misty did a little kneading on my uterus (if you are prepared for it, its not that uncomfortable), and I birthed the placenta (Misty said it was rather large. They didn't weigh it, but she thought it was at least three pounds.), and she also removed the rest of the membranes and I had to cough to assist with that. it's much harder to cough than you might think after giving birth-- you contract your pelvic floor when you cough, and mine was all worn out. I was still pretty shaky at this point, and my lovely husband was bringing me lots of water and snacks.

Misty then checked to see if I tore. She said I did, but only a little and it didn't need stitches. :) Yay me. Misty did the newborn exam around 1pm, and Naisa was 9lbs 3oz! Bigger than I expected to push out, but I was very proud of myself. :) Her head measured 12 and 3/4 inches, her chest 14 1/4 inches. :)

Misty had to take some of the blood from the cord/placenta to get it tested for the blood type because I'm Rh negative. We didn't know what Ben's blood type was because he doesn't like needles. So we were prepared (with a prescription) to get the Rhogam shot after birth, but not excited about it at all.ut when the midwives tested the blood, they saw it was negative and when they sent it to the hospital, it came back O negative. so I didn't have to get a shot in my butt (and that saved me a long wait at the hospital to get it done, as well.)

My labor and birth experience was great for many reasons. I really didn't feel the need to time my contractions consistently because I knew that this labor was real--it felt different (more painful) than the other times. It was intense enough that I knew it was the real thing. I didn't worry about being dilated in the weeks before she was born, where some practitioners might routinely check their patients for dilation in the weeks before birth, Misty didn't. Being dilated, but not in active labor at 40 weeks (or 41!) doesn't really do anything but add to the anticipation. Misty hypothesized that I probably dilated a centimeter each of those times I thought I was in labor--practice/preparation labor. But we didn't know, and just because I might have been dilated didn't mean labor would start soon or not. That's the mystery of labor. It starts when my body signals it to, not because I ate spicy food, or walked a lot, though those things helped prepare my body for labor (ok, probably not the spicy food).

And once we got in the tub, after I was checked once, I didn't need to be checked for certainty that I was 10 cm dilated before I could start pushing--I started feeling the urge and could go with it. Then after it was over, there wasn't a rush to get out of the tub, time got to melt away while we spent our first hours together. Naisa's cord was cut after it stopped pulsing (probably a half and hour to forty five minutes later) and I delivered the placenta with her in my arms. Then she had her newborn exam two hours later. We only had to stay until I peed once and we got instructions for leaving. So we were on our way home with Naisa around 3pm that same day.

41 weeks. . . perhaps this week?

Our sweet baby has not made its entrance yet. . .

Hopefully this week will be the chosen one, otherwise we get to start doing fun things like castor oil (google it if you don't know), and continue hearing the "I" word from well-meaning acquaintances who don't know our desire for a natural out of hospital birth--induction.

I have my reasons for not wanting to be induced--my body was made to deliver this baby, this labor will start when it needs to! There is a much higher chance of fetal distress when the mom is induced because those contractions are stronger than the ones that the mom's body would produce. I don't want drugs, I don't want strange things. I just want to welcome our alert, fat baby into the world!!! And let other people hold it for a little while.

And have bladder space, and flexibility, and not-swollen hands/feet, running, seeing my feet, and lose water weight/weight in general, and have a baby in my arms, still being nurtured by me (but no longer needing to pass through my pelvis), and getting to use the cute diapers we bought for it!

When the time comes that some of your maternity clothes no longer fit, it is a sign that the baby should come soon. This happened yesterday while I was getting ready for church. Granted, these maternity clothes were not the stretchy ones (those could fit me if I was doubly pregnant!).

And now for a round of "Where's Grace's Belly? There it is!"

On the left, you will see me sucking in my belly. This is how I plan to go to the grocery store today and avoid the leering eyes and questions (not that it will be successful. This belly helps me win races, its so big). Middle is a normal shot. How I look normally, today. And on the right, you'll see a very nice extension of regular--the I'm carrying twins who weigh 8 pounds each belly (lol).

Yes, I somehow have retained my abdominal muscles. 

But really, I know my belly isn't that big. My favorite is the one on the far right because I look ridiculous.  (and they are all ridiculous because they are taken with a cell phone in a mirror. But at least it's for educational purposes. . . ;) )

Love you all! Pray for me and this baby that I'll have patience, emotional endurance, and that the baby will come out at its healthiest point!

Crickets

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the cricket. It only has to do with the baby still residing in Hotel Mom. Don't worry, delpling, Mommy is patient. But come out soon! We want to meet you! (this pic was 40 weeks and five days.)

Maybe a week ago, I was determined to kill the cricket that had been singing in our kitchen. It was loud at 2-9am, churping to it's delight and destroying my patience and several hours of sleep (when I move to the couch because it becomes more comfortable than the bed in the early morning hours.)

So I moved the island out of the kitchen (and it lost TWO wheels in the process!, which I had to have Ben help me put back on because I couldn't do it by myself (pregnant women can only kill crickets)).
And used a knife to get in the crack between this bizarre platform that resides over the sump pump in our kitchen (yes, our former utility closet kitchen) and the wall. Then this large sized cricket(larger than the ones we'd been catching around the house because it had been feeding delightfully on dirt and crumbs of cellulose with no predator (that it knew of muhahaha)), hopped out of the crack and I made a loud grunting noise of SUCCESS! as I slammed my hand upon it.
Dead cricket #1.

I was so ecstatic, I partied for about fifteen minutes until I heard MORE churping! There was another (arrgh!) cricket still in the kitchen. It was with that I had a bad morning (not enough sleep, my efforts seemed in vain) and (I think) said "screw it!" to the whole process.

Fast forward to today.
I slept out on the couch again for the last four hours of my night, and wasn't awoken until 7:15 by said churping cricket. I had been stalking this nemesis for the past few days, but had not succeeded in seeing it. Then geared up with my headlamp and a flyswatter, I lifted the awkward platform and propped it up with a muffin tin, and continued my searching. I discovered it was residing under the removable flooring (again, to cover the sump pump in the kitchen). So I had to move the island again (which lost another wheel. jerk head), and moved the floor. And I saw it!

Dead cricket. Sorry for those who might find it a little gruesome.

From there, I made it hop out with a few nudges of the fly swatter and then WHAM!!!! WHAM. Got it (actually got it the first time. second time was for emphasis).

"Hallelujah"

We now have a beautifully serene kitchen to be in, with the gentle sounds of the outdoors, outdoors.


:)

how Grace, Ben, and belly are doing

This picture, taken by Issac (Han Park), one of Ben's friends, shows me and Ben (and other Ben) at church today. In case you were wondering, I did not, in fact, seemingly eat the entire chocolate cake that happens to be sitting in front of me. I just cleaned off the icing. And I'm holding my hands like that because they were sticky. :)

We're ready to go! Ready for meeting our baby! Ready for the labor to start (and then will be ready for it to end!) and just want to have an idea of when rather than a "maybe" or "perhaps".

And I'm ready to lose some weight! This morning I washed dishes, swept the kitchen, organized the bag pile, killed a cricket, and almost fell off my rocker trying to get the other one (which still prevails in the kitchen). Does that count as an energy burst of "nesting" before the baby comes? And I made a list of things that we still need to do before the baby comes. Lol. Ready to go!

I feel like a chunk with a big uterus knot (when i get a braxton-hicks contraction) and I'm ready for the big uterus knot to be emptied so my arms can be filled!

39 weeks and crickets

It was a beautiful day outside so we decided to take our weekly shot from the outside!


 Here I am at 39 weeks and 2 days. Ben and I either expect this baby to arrive in the next few days or in a week or two. . . I'm hoping for the former. It's really hard to schedule things when I could go into labor at any time.

 This is Benjamen watering his bean plant! He loves it! It's grown from the organic dried kidney beans we got at Martin's in the bulk aisle. He's excitedly looking forward to eating the dried beans cooked in some delicious meal his wife makes. :)

 Here's a nice shot of the watering business. :) And his awesome outfit for the day. Flannel, golf pants (look like dress pants), black socks, and flipflops. :)

And this is just a drastic shot of baby belly, whom I am carrying wide! I don't look full term, but very much am!! Also see Ben looking at his plant in the right side of the picture. :)

Can't wait to meet this baby and get going with running again!!!!

In other news, we both haven't been sleeping well due to hormones (that's the pregnant lady) and rolling pregnant lady (that's Ben). We also been having issues with the resident crickets who have been trying to live here without paying rent! (they often suffer a death in the toilet or being crushed by a show). The worst part was that last night the crickets were keeping me awake (and I need those precious minutes of sleep, let me tell you!) and so I had to fumble around in the dark to find my glasses, turn on the right light, and get on my hands and knees to find this cricket that was singing in the entry-way of our apartment. I found it, but lo and behold there were more!

I was too tired to kill anymore in the middle of the night, but found them residing in the closet in the morning. Ben and I then hypothesized they were entering the house through the drain near the air conditioner, and placed a cup over it. hopefully no more night serenades from here on out!

38 (and a half) weeks. . . and we're READY

I love my husband Benjamen. :)

This is less than 38 weeks. I think 37.

But this child may decide to wait until 42 weeks. We don't know.

But my belly is wiggling with baby's anticipation of joining Mommy and Daddy in the great outdoors (aka not hotel Mom anymore).

And my body, not my brain, or our baby, gets to decide when little Delpling comes out, so the patience has begun! I'm past ready to do this thing, though, because 1) I want to be able to stay asleep unless woken up (whereas right now, I'm not sleeping all night) 2) I'm ready to meet this child, find out it's gender and give it a name (and so is Ben)! 3) I will have something to do with my time besides keep up with America's Got Talent, washing dishes, and reading the Screwtape Letters (which is not a bad choice). 4) ready to have my body back? Yes!!! Especially so I can stand up with much more agility, put my wedding rings back on my finger, and move in the direction of running again (after healing up, of course)

We have had little prep-labor spasms (mucous plugger showing up, back achies, Braxton Hicks almost all the time) but nothing is starting and staying started. This is where the patience continues.

Right now I need to go sit on my hands and knees so the baby moves a little more in the direction it's supposed to be relaxating (so labor is more "comfortable" (attempt to be without backache)). And drink water and play Solitaire until my husband comes home from his practicum.

Tomorrow is 36 weeks!

So this baby could decide to come anytime now!
I'm officially very round, tired often, and ready to push this baby out. We'll be doing a child birth education class at the beginning of September though, so hopefully it will wait until after then. We are almost set (cloth diapers in the mail, still, but the plan is to use the disposables we received at our baby showers for the first few weeks while I recover and don't have the mobility to do laundry every other day (we don't have a washer or dryer)).

34 weeks

Right before 36 weeks

Baby keeps kicking, sometimes when I am leaning over and it kicks it actually slightly hurts. I have not developed a waddle yet, but I'm probably getting close. My hips are sore as of late.

Ben is getting ready to go back to school for the semester, reduce his hours at work, and become a daddy! He's most excited about the last thing. We are looking to apply for Medicaid for the child, since we are both under our parent's plans and cannot add a child to those. This gets a little complicated because of the waiting time that often occurs with medicaid. We can't really afford anything else, though.

We have our midwife appointment on Tuesday, and I'm excited for them to tell me that my uterus is huge. I've had normal appointments, normal blood pressure, normal weight gain, and have had an uneventful pregnancy besides the normal aches and pains of a growing uterus (both abdominal, back, and hips), extreme hunger (in the middle of the night), emotional roller coasters, and having trouble sleeping.

Oh, and I got my trial run with a four month old baby boy from babysitting on Thursday--everything except breastfeeding. but swaddling, napping feeding, and two older brothers were the main focus of the day, and I was tired afterward! It's a bit bizarre to hold a baby while another one is kicking you from the inside. Oh and I got the poop blowout. Yay! Four dry heaves later, the diaper was off and all the poop removed from the little squirming (but happily content) body, and a new outfit was on.

We met with our pediatrician that we'll work with as we remain in Harrisonburg and that was a good experience for both Ben and I, and the doctor had much experience and could discuss that with us, and we appreciated it.

So in conclusion, this baby will most likely show up in September, within a week either way of it's due date, and we are excited to meet our little munchkin. :) 

And I'm ready to go to bed.

Patience

If someone had told me last December that I would weigh over 200 pounds in July I would have rolled my eyes and said something along the lines of "Yeah, right."

But here I am, 32 weeks pregnant, tipping 200 on the scale!

And so while I used the elliptical machine at the gym and felt my legs rub together I have to sigh and remind myself that this is just part of the season, part of this time. My body will realign itself after Delpling is here, and I need to be patient for the arrival of this child.

It needs me to gain this weight so that it can be healthy long term. I know this. And I am doing good things for my body in the mean time. Like exercising. Not running as long as I'd like to, as often as I'd like to, but I'm exercising. Getting my heart rate up and stretching out my body, prepping for this baby's arrival.

Pregnancy, as of now, has been one of God's ways of reminding me to slow down and savor. Though I want to weigh less so I can run four miles, I need to remember to savor and enjoy this baby wiggling in my womb, reminding me of God's crazy glory and creativity in making it!

Everything is beautiful in its time.