I feel like it's something that I redefine myself with every week or so. But we've been talking about so many things that define us, but don't have to do with our physical identities here on earth. What does it mean to be identified as a Lover of God, and nothing else?
As I look at all the things that I have done and gone through to get to this point, I know that there have been times when I have not been defined as a Lover of God. There are people who see it in me, and know that it is the reason that I exist and continue to exist. I hope and pray that this summer, I have, and will continue to portray a Lover of God, and do these things here and now, because I love God.
This past week was a wave of rest and change. It did not feel as hectic as the week before, but I felt like I was getting to know the inside of my house way too well, and seeing the bottom of a peanut butter jar way too fast. There was some peace in this, knowing that even though I'm extroverted, it's good to take some time off to think, and take a breather. But this week starts the balance between the busy and the hermit.
Last week I had a chance to go to the Museum of Modern Art, and see Norah Jones in concert (for a couple songs). We also enjoyed some coffee, a trip to Burger Heaven (where I was greeted by some Vegetarian Chili, and no Burgers were thrust in my way.) At the concert, we were compromised by the rain, and that everyone making the ocean of umbrellas that was our view of the concert, and thus, the umbrellas were dripping on me and Christa, and so we were catching drips in cups, but we still got soaked, completely chilled, and disenchanted, we took the subway home.
I was blessed by being able to talk to Zach on Skype, although I had no idea that he was going to be on that day. I got a phone call from D, saying that he was online, and I ran home. Literally. It was wonderful. Then I got to talk to him the next day, on his birthday. It's so good to reconnect with him, and I cannot wait until he's back in the United States. Things make sense when I spend time with him. He makes me a better person.
I had a great discussion with someone who told me to make sure that while I was here, to not just be known as Grace, the intern we had over the summer, but to be known as Grace, a girl who was here this summer, who was here. To find my identity as a Lover of God. It's been in my thoughts for a little while.
I got my financial aid package in the mail, via my mother. At first, it looked really good, but then I realized that there was a couple thousand dollars that I needed that weren't accounted for, and so now I'm a bit frustrated with the system. Why should it cost so much to go to school, to follow dreams? I'm getting in contact with the financial aid office at EMU, just to make sure that there weren't things accidently left off, but in the mean time, I'm dealing with some major frustration, and occasionally thinking about trying to find a different way out--like looking at jobs and internships (I saw one at PETA that I was interested in). But I don't want to take things into my own hands. That's not what God wants for me. An example of God providing for me--for this trip--is on replay in my head, reminding me that when I need the funds, and I'm going where God wants me to go, these fund appear, and they are in surplus. I have been blessed to be sent here, and I'm so thankful for every single penny. But what if I'm not funded for school? What if that doesn't happen this semester? Does that mean that God is asking me to go somewhere else? Or is he asking me not to go anywhere, to stay here?
Prayer requests:
Patience--I seem to have less and less of it lately
Peace--about my financial aid, and my future
Perseverance-- some days, the after-school program just overcomes me, and completely drains me
Praises:
I've been writing music, and running.
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