It would be nice to say that the finishing of my last semester and the graduation from EMU was satisfying, happy, and joyous. But it wasn't. In fact, I'm still angry about it, because I feel like I got screwed.
A wave of events happened that I felt totally out of control of, and I found myself removed from my internship, kicked out of the social work program, and not receiving recognition for the Cords of Distinction that I deserved.
Now, weeks later, I'm still working through my emotions. Things I feel: Betrayal. I thought that my professor, my supervisor at my internship--I thought they were supportive of me, and concerned about my needs. But there was a lot more going on there than I knew about. Accountability was not taken, support was not shown. I stand by myself, knowing that everything I did, I did for a reason, but no one seems to hear my rationale.
I'm so ANGRY. I'm angry at people who didn't hear that I had needs, or give me mercy, or show flexibility with this whole situation. After this, I just got angry about every little thing. They forgot to print that I was in the Honors program in the graduation bulletin--this pissed me off. I'm so angry that I tried to appeal this harsh decision, and no one had the grace to change the procedure so that I could feel less traumatized.
I feel traumatized by this whole thing. It happened so fast, and I don't understand it all. I hate systems, and administrations. The peace that I find in this whole situation is in the fact that some people have seen the worst of the world and can empathize. Just not my supervisor, or my professor. And also, that this decision does not define my life. And is not the end of my academic career. There is not an end. I will never stop learning. You can't take that away from me. But unfortunately, it's ruined social work as a career for me, and it's ruined the Harrisonburg area for me. It's ruined EMU for me. So all I want to do is move away from here.
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