Waves of (Now) Ineffective Intimidation

Stress. It's something inevitable, especially if the first word in your title is "college" and the second is "student." But with stress comes feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem. It brings feelings of discouragement, and thoughts of "why am I really doing this?"

But for me stress brings a feeling of relaxation, that is, once it's over. Once I finish the big project, or the reading, or the exam, and I get a grade I am happy with. This is what I can deal with. I can relax and make sense of it all.

Some things that I am currently studying I did not find relevance in when I first started in the classes. Listed as a Biology major planning on a medical future, with sixty credits to push me through college a little faster than most, I vigorously took two science courses this semester, to total 17-18 credits for my semester.

I figured since I pushed myself in high school with college credits, that I could handle the load plus one or two more classes with flourish. But within the first week of classes, I was struck with a Pocohauntus song, to listen to my heart, and challenged by my own honors class to" learn what I love and love what I learn." At that point, I knew I wasn't loving what I was learning. And I made it through most of the semester without loving the classes.

But I found relevance. In my Honors class, we were required to complete a personal impact project, and I challenged myself with not throwing away trash for two weeks. What I did not expect was that it was going to affect me totally and completely.

All of a sudden, the environment mattered. I'm not even sure how on earth I got there. And when I went to DC for my interview, I was overwhelmed by the thought that being a pacifist was related to environmental studies and these things could be something that I would study in the future.

So Biology started to be relevant, despite the ugly "C" on my midterm, and the stubbornness, in which I refused to study or care, suddenly made me realize that it was relevant. It made a difference in the future options that I might pursue, as it could be a step toward an Environmental Stability endorsement with my (as of right now currently planning to have a) Liberal Arts Major.

And I'm writing a Lab Report for Biology, and it's not that I'm learning that I have a passion in the subject, but that there are things in the environment that people everywhere need to be aware of, and I think that it maybe something that I need to share with the world. Awareness that if we aren't careful, we could accidently transport an invasive species and disrupt the entire ecosystem. Not many Americans know that the government spends $27,000 per second on the military currently. Not many humans in general know that those with homosexual tendencies were born that way, they did not, in fact, chose to be that way.

I was working on my Chemistry Labs so that I can relax during Thanksgiving break, and I was suddenly realizing the relevance of the labs. We were testing the SPF of sunscreens in one, and the amount of caffeine in energy drinks in the other, to see if the labels were actually accurate. Although some of those answers were not clear, it's a statement in itself that we as humans tend to trust the labels that are on things that we consume.

If I go to the store and buy some tomato juice, I trust that it's going to actually be tomato juice, not blood. Or I trust that the Tylenol that I'm taking is only 200 milligrams, not 2000.

So the fact that we are testing it in class makes it more relevant, although, I'm still not sure where the knowledge of nuclear reactions is going to assist me in any environmental studies, although I suppose that if I have to deal with a large amount of nuclear damage, that eventually that would be beneficial.

The other class that I was certain would be easy and almost silly after the first week of classes was Ethics in the Way of Jesus. The professor's teaching method threw me and my friends through a loop and we spent attended class periods coloring pictures and occasionally participating, every time there was an option.

But the readings challenged me. They led to my Personal Impact Project. And living for God through how I live suddenly became physical and environmental. I realized that I wanted to be equal to people with less. So, this class has been the most influencial.

So I'm learned that stress can be overcome with motivation. And apathy can be overcome with relevance. :)

Ambitious Ambiguity

I just spent an epic twenty four hours in Washington D.C., attempting to decide my future internship. It was intense, as I had to work to choice between several different internships before I even came to D.C. to interview.

However, that statement itself is ambiguous. I had assistance picking out my internship. One just clicked with my personality. In fact, it was less of an internship and more of a mentorship, and much more laid back and calm than any internship interview would be.

The guy that I rode to Washington D.C. with, Andrew, had two interviews, both of them pretty intense. The idea with internship interviews in D.C. with WCSC is that an interviewee would do research on the company that they are going to work with. I'm pretty sure that he had to do that. And more.

The hardship of my internship shadowing experience was the metro at 6:00 am. And also the fact that I was navigating D.C. myself. This went well, and I arrived at the first school before classes started. The person I was shadowing was supposed to come and meet me, but he never did, so I waited until second period to meet him. Then after that I attended the first class on Peace Studies (for me) of the day. It was informing. The school was large, but well-behaved. Reminded me of Streetsboro. But the point is, that is one of the good schools in the D.C. area. And then when the class was finished, there was another metro ride. This one was much shorter and I arrived, walked in the wrong direction a couple times, and then figured out where I was going, and arrived at the second high school. This was the exact opposite of the first school. There was a metal detector at the entrance, and I was asked for my I.D. (which I didn't have. Yikes!). Colman (the teacher which I was in the process of shadowing) told the entrance guard that I was with him. Probably mentioned I was from a school that promoted peace, because she let me in without any worries. The sign said, "Please remove all metal from your person before walking through the metal detector." So I went to go unscrew my tongue stud, but the lady told me that it was fine. There was security in the hall, and students openly swearing like sailors, but it wasn't intimidating. I'm not sure exactly why it wasn't, because I feel like that would be something that would freak me out. But I wasn't.

This class discussion was different. The class period was twice as long. But the discussion in this class was way more in depth than the classes at the "better" high school. I felt like the students had a better relationship with Colman at this point. That was when "Outliers" kicked in, and I was reminded that it's not the level of class that designates the students' abilities of learning, it's their drive to learn. I was impressed by this.

After that class, I was to eat lunch at any place close by. I had seen Whole Foods on my way in, and decided that it was where I wanted to eat. It was the healthiest grocery store in the country (?) or something, and then I walked to the back of the store, and I saw the buffet--there were three or four different buffet tables and too many options. I got some chicken curry, some squash and some beans, and then I went up to the register to pay. But when I was there in line, I realized (as I had) earlier, that my wallet was still MIA, and I thought I had enough cash in my pocket, but I was poorly mistaken. There were two dollars in my pocket but that was it. I was freaking out, thinking (insanely) that I would have to eat out dumpsters my first day in D.C. because I couldn't pay for the food. But the cashier said, "We'd have to throw it away anyway, so you might as well take it." So I did get to eat, which was wonderful.

Then I took a shuttle to American University and waited for the upper level class that Colman taught to commence. It was a two and a half hour long class, though, and I was cold, tired, and developing a headache (from stress maybe?) and when it finally ended, we had to wait for the shuttle, and then for the metro. I met several nice people. It was like being a commuter to school again, and my late evening Spanish class at UA. I may have gotten a headache from meeting so many different new people. Then I got back to the WCSC house, and scared the heck out of one of the residents who I had not met the night before. (I followed her inside). Then Andrew and I left, and we both talked nearly the entire way back, because we were just full of information and probably excitement, and caffeine. McDonald's. We got back at nine o'clock ish. I completely missed the Chem lab I was going to go to. But for the most part, it was ok.

I say Ambitious Ambiguity because I feel like my trip to D.C. was a little over emphasized, and added a little extra stress to my world this past week. I didn't get to run, besides indoor soccer, and I was stress half the week trying to find a ride, and then Emily found me one (thank goodness). Then there was also the stress of my chemistry exam that I didn't do amazingly well on, so it was just a big pile of things adding up even more.

But this weekend was rejuvenating, which was amazing. I was very content with the rest that I received, the friendships that were built upon, and the conversations that were held. I hope this next week isn't as bad.

Everyday I Would Spend with you.

My daddy came to visit this past weekend. It was homecoming weekend at school, and so a lot of people's parents came to visit. He came down on Thursday, riding with a perspective/ future student from the area where my family lives now. We all went to Grandma and Grandpa's house for dinner, and that was a great relaxing half a minute before I had to go back to my dorm and attempt to finish writing a biology lab report. That went okay, considering that I started it earlier, no matter that what I'd written before was completely bogus, I was just just brainstorming. I started working at 8:30 and finished at twelve. Not something I want to do again. I'm going to work to pay attention to what needs to be done AHEAD of time...

It was great to visit my grandparents, because I feel I've been too busy to walk to the mile over to their house and just relax for another half a minute. It helped to be there. I got to doze on their couch for a second and I was rather thankful that I got to be comfortably placed in a familiar home. (Another time I've been able to do that was within my trip to HDC, a weekend or so ago, when I stayed with the Epps, and that was really like home.) When I got back to school, I was relaxed enough to be able to write that paper, knowing that I'd finish while my mind was still sharp, and I'd get a good night of sleep.

On Friday, I went through class well, though wanting to see Daddy as it was, I still attended all my classes, though tempted by Phillip with the Ethics of skipping Ethics. It was an important lecture to attend, which I spent writing a letter and stopping to read a long passage Scripture so that I was paying enough attention to get a little of what my teacher was talking about. And really, every time I read, it's not about hearing my voice. It's about expanding my abilities to be able to read better in front of more people.

After all my classes, I walked over to Anna's apartment and Daddy, Anna, and I all went to Xenia, a chic Mediterranean resturaunt with delicious pita bread and Dolma. We shared a two person meal. It was just enough to want more. But we stopped ourselves. we got to pick two sauces--one dad picked and I picked one--the Pineapple with Horseradish. Anna wrinkled her nose at that idea, but I was intrigued. And was it good. It was sweet but then, pow!, it was hot too! After our meal, we were paying the check, and a young, stout man hustles into the resturaunt and asks for a menu. The camo vest gave it away though, it was our Uncle Joe! Daddy called out his name, and he looked over at us, not sure what to think, as Dad stood up and gave him a hug. I gave him one too, and it was great to see him as we were around town. He left without saying much, but as he crossed the busy street outside the doors, Dad glimpsed him "directing traffic". He ran out to the middle of the road, and then jabbed his hand into the air in the direction of the oncoming vehicles, one right, one left. And then, as quickly as he went into "traffic Policeman" mode, he ran across the street to his waiting ride. He's hilarious. It has been fun retelling that story.

On Saturday, I braided several people's hair (We hung up a sign that said Hair Braiding Within, because "within" is so much cooler sounding than "inside"), did a little studying, and cleaned my room. When I went to the cafeteria for brunch, I accidentally tossed my salad onto my friend Grace and then proceeded to have a hysterical laugh while cleaning it up.

Then in the evening, I got back together with Dad and Anna. Dad and I went out to Food Lion and got provisions for a salad. While there, I was taking a peek into the carbonated beverage aisle and I found a three liter of diet Food Lion cola for $1.29! I was so ecstastic that I was laughing when I found Daddy and told him. It made me really happy...
We went to Organic Grounds and I got Coffee Crunch Mocha and it was awesome. Their smalls are so large. :) It made me really happy. There were gourds on the tables for decorations, and I decided to do some balancing awesomeness. It was pretty fun. It was challenging and a good conversation as well. Daddy was reminding me that he and Mom will support me in whatever career I choose. And also to remind me to go "Steady. Steady. Pace. Pace." So one things I've been trying to do everyday is do something that destresses me. I ran on Sunday night, and I ran tonight. We didn't run as long, but it was faster and good.
I brought a bunch of my friends over to Anna's apartment for pizza, salad, and pop. We had a great time with Kendall and Anna and Daddy. It was great. We played the color game when someone burped. We just had a hilarious time. Bodner is in love with both my dad and my boyfriend. Not really, of course. He just thinks they are awesome.
On Sunday we all went to church at Ridgeway. It was awesome. I had a great time.
The visit was great. I was relaxed. I'm not too worried about Biology. It's good.