Reflections of a Time Worth Spent

No one said college would be easy. But coming from someone who took it voluntarily in high school to get away from the normality of the world was especially surprised when she discovered this was so.

I took two (and a half) years of classes at Akron University during high school before I graduated, and decided to come to EMU. I had been accepted into the Honors Program, and with that half tuition scholarship, started up on the stylish freshman fall semester. Within the first week, I was surrounded by many wonderful (but also sort of shallow) friends. I was finding time to exercize, the workload didn't seem that bad, and the people I wanted to spend the most time with were on the same floor as I was.

I went to my first party. I refused my first alcoholic drink, and the party crowd as a friendship base. I got my tongue pierced, to "follow my dreams", which is infamously, what I told my mother over a text directly after I got it pierced. Within the first week, I realized that I was more social than I had expected, more social that I'd ever been. So social, in fact, that it was inhibiting me from being a good college student. My friends were not in my classes, and so work did not get done when I spent time with them. Even worse, I realized that the major that I had in my life plan was actually something that I didn't have a passion for. So shoot, I had to finish a semester with two unwanted science classes that were not easy.

I had the first section of hard-core long-distance relationship, as letters and shortened, spaced out phone calls suddenly were treasured so so much more than the original two hour conversations nightly.

And I felt, for the first time, like I was burned out, like I wasn't accomplishing anything, and that all the learning was going down the drain, and it was being wasted. I felt like I wasn't ready to choose my major. I didn't know what to major in and so I had no idea what I was doing, taking classes at EMU to some uncertain, unsure-if-it-was-ever-there-goal. (I'm serious. In the past, it has been so easy to come up with a poster list of goals for a season, a month, or a semester, and I could not think of more than two!) I was unmotivated, nothing was worth working toward, other than the end of the day, or the weekend, or the break. College--learning--had become my 9-5 I-hate-my-job situation. Some days it still feels that way.

Why was I at college? I'd already done this, and I was sick of explaining how I got to where I did, and how I now knew nothing about what I wanted to do, or what classes to take and what was the point of me being here, if all it felt like was a waste of time and money.

The answer was not (yet) for the degree, or the major (which I still have no idea what I am going to major in), but for the experience, and the friendships.

The people I met with the different perspectives that woke me up to my own passions, and the experiences that I'd never challenged myself with,. Even though I waited to the end of the semester to make relationships with some, I still made them, and it made for a great end of te semester (though there was a trippingly horrible beginning.)

One of my goals, once getting to school was to keep running, no matter what time of the day. Within the first few weeks, I didn't go at all, resorting, exercise-wise, to walk around the track (as it was still warm at the time), and talk to Zach on the phone. But after Zach was into training and there weren't any phone calls, I decided to start running, and, fighting off al intimidation, I found a running partner who did thirty minutes at a time, a couple times a week. I was sort of unsure whether I would be able to go thirty minutes without stopping, but Ellie graciously accepted me at my twenty-five minute run, and we built up to the thirty minutes we both longed to be proud of. We ran at the indoor track, and the outdoor track, because often the indoor one was closed at the late hours we decided to go running. We would go between seven and (once) eleven o'clock for our runs, depending on what the day was like. Ellie and I talked about whatever was on our minds, and this run was one to look forward to because we could talk about anything on our minds, and get out the physical frustrations and mental frustrations. Ellie and I also occasionally (but I was the one who usually bought something) went to Organic Grounds--We would buy drinks and play cards, or we would study and play cards, or I would vent and Ellie would study. Either way, it was a relaxing time and break slightly off the EMU campus. One time we walked back to EMU through the back way behind the EMU campus, and we were pretty sure that we saw one of the soccer guys peeing in the pond. We veered around him, and prayed that he didn't hear us.... More recently, I gave Ellie my beta, and we were talking about how we were going to go to Wildwood park and get some Asiatic clams to filter the water because they would filter it indefinitely. We did go to Wildwood, but all the Asiatic clams were dead, and we found a larvae creature which Ellie named Carl, and we went and watched the falls for a couple minutes, and then I decided we should try to scare some of the ducks. Well, the ducks we just rustled from their nests, although the slight bit of yelling may have had a form of motivation. . . But then we glanced down the way of the swing bridge and saw a man on one knee on one side, and a woman crossing the bridge from the other side... We left abruptly after that, and hoped that our audio disturbance hadn't ruined the moment. Although, I'm pretty sure that the woman said, "yes." The last thing we did was a great break after our Biology final. We went to put air in the tires of Anna and I's "new" Honda Accord, and figured it out after the second try. (and the second dollar). Then we went over to the Organic Grounds for the last time. Ellie was still studying for her Psychology Final, but while looking through the book, she found a diagram that we could both relate to. "Look!" She said, "it's Jim's reaction to your Bio Report, and then Jim's reaction to My Bio Report!" (It was a picture of reactions, one with a tiger, and one with a kitten. Priceless.) Ellie gave me her Psychology book after she was done with her final, because she knew that I wanted to study Psych, just didn't get a chance this semester. She also gave me a couple awesome pairs of socks for Christmas, and a beautiful card with lots of insight, and I'm so glad that Ellie and I became friends. We made it through a car accident together, and have had many different talks about nearly everything. I will miss running with her next semester, as I will be in DC.

Bekah and I go way back. She was one of the first people that I spoke to when I was at Honors Weekend. Then this semester, Bekah and I randomly started hanging out. Ironically, I was on the first floor of Elmwood, and the girls bathroom was on the third and even though I live up there, I didn't want to walk up the two flights of stairs, so I walked over to Maplewood and used the girls bathroom on the first floor over there. I wasn't expecting to stop and go in, but my social attitude kicked in, and I did. (By the way, that was the first time I'd been in Maplewood.) And after that, we started talking in Ethics, after Ruling Ideas, eating dinner together occasionally, and on the way from Ruling Ideas to Chemistry Lab. Well, one Friday morning Bekah called me, while at work study. She hadn't babysat for several years, and that was the present task. So I came to her rescue. We got to spend a few hours together then, and watch a little African baby with a rather interesting belly button. After that, Bekah decided to take me to dinner to repay me. We decided to go to the Little Grill, which was nearby Our Community Place. The interesting thing that happened was that we didn't actually know where we were going. We guessed the entire way, but got there. (This is rather unlike the time which Marie, Wendy Huang, and I set out for Red Front and ended up at Roses, which I told Bekah about on our way, only to find that Our Community Place is directly beside Roses.) After that meal, we decided to start having a dinner out a couple more times this semester. Once, we ended up at the Bowl of Good, and then in Artisan's Hope, and she bought me a ring. Which I lost! But I still have the thought of the ring heavily on my mind. Bekah is one of my halves, and we are very similar and very different, and we get along quite spiffily.

Ahh, Stacy. If you have read this blog previously, you already know about Stacy and I. We are kind of opposite to each other, but good for one another either way. We've gone to Gift N Thrift a couple of times, and the clothes have never fitted so well. We have baked together, we've eaten together, and I think we've made each other laugh one million times. Stacy likes to come into the lounge when I'm practicing. Then when I see her come in, I get distracted, and start a good conversation instead of continuing to practice the piano. This is one of the ways that I know I wouldn't be a good Music Major. I wouldn't be able to focus on playing. Instead, I would want to work on my relationships more. Anyway, Stacy and I have built quite an awesome relationship, spending time with her in a car has never ceased from being productive. Stacy and I have enjoyed building gingerbread houses. (We didn't actually do this together). We like being spontaneous and having dance parties in the kitchen on Elmwood 3rd. Because she lives so close to where I live, Stacy and I are going to spend some time over break together, being crazy, playing guitars and making up silly songs. And maybe we'll go Christmas shopping. For ourselves.

I met my good friend Jamila through the Honors program, but I didn't expect that we'd have so much in common, or actually be tenth cousins for rizzle! I checked my great uncles family tree. It's really rather funny. But anyway, through the Honors program, we had to write a children's book about someone college aged that made a difference. I wrote about Jamila and her YES experience. In doing that I learned more about what YES offered. I hadn't heard a whole about it from Zach, but I guess that was probably because there wasn't much to know, because each experience is way different. That "interview" about YES was one of the first deep conversations I had with Jamila. After that, we braided hair together during the Homecoming Weekend. It was always enlightening for me to spend time with Jamila, because she had a different perspective than everyone else I spent time. I soon realized that part of this reason was because Jamila did the YES program. Starting in November, Jamila invited me to play on her indoor soccer team, the World Wide Wonders. I accepted with vigor, because indoor soccer is my passion. Then started a wonderful experience. We didn't win a game during the regular season. We tied one, but barely lost several of our games. Then enter post season. We were number nine--the last in the league, and we played our first tournament game, and we won. Still the lowest team "technically", but we won one... we kept playing, and we kept winning, and made it to the B league championship! This game we tied, went into the shootout, and the other team barely won. (of course, when we found out that half their team was on the A league championship team, we felt cheated, and a bit proud as well, because that meant we weren't that bad.) (at least #2 is solid. :P) Anyway, Jamila braided my hair this past week. She also told me about YES training, and we spent a good hour and a half, while my head was being transformed, talking about life and stuff. It was a good time. The last few weeks of the semester, I started eating meals with people who live in Maplewood, who, in my opinion are deeper than those who live in Cedarwood and Elmwood. (I think Elmwood is the most shallow of all the Woods Dorms). That's my biased opinion. And I lived in Elmwood. I was really glad that I spent time with people who built me up, and didn't leave me hanging.

My boyfriend was in training for YES from September to Thanksgiving break, and he left for Africa on the second of December. But while he was in training, I went to the first event, commissioning. There, I met his teammates and leaders with Deanna, and was introduced as his girlfriend, Grace. I visited again, this time, going to Chris and Katie's house to sleep, and visited HDC, and met everyone again, and they met me again. I visited again, once, just to see Chris and Katie and then right after Fall Break with Stacy. We actually got to work with them at a worksite, and eat lunch with them. Then when I finally came back for the end of training, everyone knew me as Grace. This was Zach's doing--he made sure that everyone referred to me as Grace, not "Zach's girlfriend." (that really meant a lot to me, even if he doesn't know that.)

I met several people with this present YES group. including the grandparents, and parents of Aaron, who I go to school with, and his sister (who is doing YES), Lauren. I'm not even participating in YES, and I am affected by the experience of it. This I highly appreciate.

Chris and Katie had a home only three hours away with two toddlers and Lydia welcoming me to their own different chaos than what I felt at EMU (which was a dreading oh-my-word-how much-work-do-I-still-have-to-do? type of feeling.) They let me have fun with their wonderful kids, and rest within their house. They also let me practice my piano for hours, until I memorized one song. Lydia had me type up a song that I had written, and insisted on learning and singing it for hours and hours one evening, so much so, we had some oooooo accompaniment by Chris.

These are the reasons I was EMU. To meet these people, to let them change me, and to help me grow in my faith, in my patience, and my person. There were so many other people who aren't even noted, that made a difference in my semester.

God is my greatest influence, my best resting place, and gave me the peace to make it through this semester. As of now, I have no idea what next year holds. But God does, and I trust God.

This is how I will listen. With trust, patience, and willingness for change, as it comes.