Well, Naisa caught something on Sunday at church and on Wednesday after Mom's group she got a shot nose and a fever. Then Thursday night, Yonah got a snotty nose and had a bad night sleep. I felt off yesterday and tired (because of the bad night of sleep and now today feel totally zonked (I don't know if anyone will know the meaning of that word in fifty years). I have a slight sore throat, and a slight stuffy nose, but mostly "stuffy brain" aka sinus stuff. and my energy went whoosh after my third visit to the little lady's room (which I think is caused more by the excess consumption of Vitamin C than anything else.)
Mom was here Wednesday through Friday morning and we made salsa and sauced some apples, and went to Shelah's garden. We got tomatoes, peppers, onions, chard, and a big bowl for making the salsa and the juicer! The juicer is fun! and easy to wash, so I love it.
We made 19 quarts of salsa, that will really help with covering our salsa costs for the year! And I have been making applesauce a couple times a week. I go out to the dwarf yellow delicious apple tree that is on the property we live on, and go pick half a bushel and fill my 5.5 gallon stock pot with halved (and de wormed) apples and cook it until they are soft. Then we get almost 8 quarts of apple sauce. I've been freezing it because that's where we have the most storage and it saves the most time. So now we have several gallons of applesauce.
We are almost out of the berries I picked in June and early July. I have one more gallon bag. The kids love them, and so does Ben so it makes sense they are almost gone.
The weather here has cooled down significantly, and it makes me think (fondly) of when I was pregnant with Naisa (the last month of pregnancy) and when she was first here. I have also had some interesting memories that weren't so pleasant: When it was raining outside and mom was here and we made popcorn I had a memory of watching seventh heaven in fredericksburg last year. And later that day when Ben and I were riding in the car and it was raining and the heat was on in the car and I was wearing my knitted hoodie (the feeling on my skin), between all of those things it reminded me of the two day drive we had to do from Fredericksburg, VA to Nashville, TN, and how I had to drive with four month old baby Yonah by myself for a the long drive. I had to stop to nurse him several times and he had gas for a last portion of the drive on the first night and just screamed for like a half an hour in the car and because I was so exhausted I just cried with him. I needed a break. It was hard. So it wasn't a happy memory to be reminded of.
Please pray for grace for the neighbor boy that no one has enough patience for. And that everyone starts feeling better.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
Finding new ways to absorb God's word
My relationship with God had become a little bit like doing the same exercise routine for too long.. it was not as effective as it once was. I had hit a plateau, and I wanted to get out of it, but my life path had changed so much that I could hardly even do the minimum (in my mind) to maintain. I had one baby, and then I was pregnant again and watching my own and another toddler, and then I had another newborn and we moved three times in four months. Then I found myself in a new apartment in Lancaster County, and a mom's group found me and took me in. We did a study of James, with Beth Moore teaching, and I challenged myself to get back into a devotion routine.
I did the homework, I read James, I wrote James, and I memorized James. I wrote it over and over, and repeated it over and over and it became like the back of my hand. (Now it is more like the back of my head (which I do not know as well), but that is what happens). But it is still in there and I know how it goes. I know it better than I've known any other book of the Bible. It is Holy Spirit empowering to memorize God's word.
I've read the Bible all my life. When I was in seventh grade, I read through the whole Bible in a year. I remember waking up at 6am and sitting in front of the heater vent in our living room after I turned the heat up to 65 (yes, you read that right.), and reading each morning.
As I went through high school I continued to read and do devotions and journal and pray some. Camp was a place where I really craved God's word and developed better understanding of God's love for me. In college, I continued to read and devour and consume God's word, but after I became pregnant with Naisa and she was born, it was much harder to get back into the word of God. I wasn't motivated. I wasn't focused. Even if I did read, it was just going through the motions, I wasn't absorbing anything. I knew I needed it, so I would keep trying, but there were long breaks in between, sometimes.
When we did the James study, I realized that writing the Scripture took it slower through my mind, and I listened and savored and absorbed more. I heard the sentences in my mind and understood their meaning. Having a teacher also increased the interest and having a group doing it with me increased the accountability.
So here I am in September, a couple months out from the James study, and I have decided that the best way for me to "get" God's word is to write it. Not necessarily memorize the whole book but maybe one chapter at a time. So right now I have started working through the books that Peter wrote. I am writing one chapter a day (and working on my handwriting. haha!) and I am listening through a series of exegetical sermons on First and Second Peter by Skip Heitzig. He does a significant job of researching and portraying the information in a way that makes it understandable, as well as entertaining, and it holds my attention. I find this kind of teaching helpful especially with certain verses in the Bible that no woman "likes" to read. "the weaker partner", "be submissive to your husbands". I have greater understanding of how my own relationship with my husband becomes easier and more loving when I submit my own authority to God and entrust my will to Him.
I want to encourage you, if you are reading this, to take on a discipline to write a book of the Bible. Pick a short one, maybe one that you don't like!, and write it, slowly, just a chapter a day, and find a good quality teacher who does an exegetical teaching of the book (like Skip Heitzig) and follow along with them for a little while. Even if you don't agree.
Blessings
I did the homework, I read James, I wrote James, and I memorized James. I wrote it over and over, and repeated it over and over and it became like the back of my hand. (Now it is more like the back of my head (which I do not know as well), but that is what happens). But it is still in there and I know how it goes. I know it better than I've known any other book of the Bible. It is Holy Spirit empowering to memorize God's word.
I've read the Bible all my life. When I was in seventh grade, I read through the whole Bible in a year. I remember waking up at 6am and sitting in front of the heater vent in our living room after I turned the heat up to 65 (yes, you read that right.), and reading each morning.
As I went through high school I continued to read and do devotions and journal and pray some. Camp was a place where I really craved God's word and developed better understanding of God's love for me. In college, I continued to read and devour and consume God's word, but after I became pregnant with Naisa and she was born, it was much harder to get back into the word of God. I wasn't motivated. I wasn't focused. Even if I did read, it was just going through the motions, I wasn't absorbing anything. I knew I needed it, so I would keep trying, but there were long breaks in between, sometimes.
When we did the James study, I realized that writing the Scripture took it slower through my mind, and I listened and savored and absorbed more. I heard the sentences in my mind and understood their meaning. Having a teacher also increased the interest and having a group doing it with me increased the accountability.
So here I am in September, a couple months out from the James study, and I have decided that the best way for me to "get" God's word is to write it. Not necessarily memorize the whole book but maybe one chapter at a time. So right now I have started working through the books that Peter wrote. I am writing one chapter a day (and working on my handwriting. haha!) and I am listening through a series of exegetical sermons on First and Second Peter by Skip Heitzig. He does a significant job of researching and portraying the information in a way that makes it understandable, as well as entertaining, and it holds my attention. I find this kind of teaching helpful especially with certain verses in the Bible that no woman "likes" to read. "the weaker partner", "be submissive to your husbands". I have greater understanding of how my own relationship with my husband becomes easier and more loving when I submit my own authority to God and entrust my will to Him.
I want to encourage you, if you are reading this, to take on a discipline to write a book of the Bible. Pick a short one, maybe one that you don't like!, and write it, slowly, just a chapter a day, and find a good quality teacher who does an exegetical teaching of the book (like Skip Heitzig) and follow along with them for a little while. Even if you don't agree.
Blessings
Tuesday, September 08, 2015
Taking some time to silence the chaos in my mind
I decided to deactivate my Facebook for a month.
I need to get the automatic entertainment that it provides out of my system because my mind doesn't need to be occupied all the time with what other people are doing.
I need to get the muscle memory that occurs in my fingers to type "Facebook.com" as the first thing that happens when I sit down at an internet browser out of my system.
I need to spend more time in quiet and less time staring at the screen.
I am spending more time reading and write chapters of the Bible instead. And eventually, memorizing, meditating and praying.
I need to spend my precious thoughts on my children, and on my husband, and to pray for them and our lives, and our financial situation and employment situations.
I need to get the automatic entertainment that it provides out of my system because my mind doesn't need to be occupied all the time with what other people are doing.
I need to get the muscle memory that occurs in my fingers to type "Facebook.com" as the first thing that happens when I sit down at an internet browser out of my system.
I need to spend more time in quiet and less time staring at the screen.
I am spending more time reading and write chapters of the Bible instead. And eventually, memorizing, meditating and praying.
I need to spend my precious thoughts on my children, and on my husband, and to pray for them and our lives, and our financial situation and employment situations.
Friday, September 04, 2015
Sometimes censorship means sanity
For the past couple weeks I have seen posts and videos of the refugees from Syria being treated unjustly and not being welcomed to places. They have dealt with the worst of humanity and now they are being turned away by the "better" of humanity.
And then there is the story/photo/video of the toddler that drowned. He was a refugee and his family was seeking refuge. I didn't read the story because I know myself. I know that as a parent of young children near or at the age of the child who died, that I would over empathize. I imagine my own children in the same situation. I did not want to see pictures. I did not want to hear the story.
Alas, Facebook and yahoo have betrayed me. I saw some pictures just from scanning my news feed. It's too much. I keep asking myself,"Why would someone take a picture or draw a picture of a dead child?" Isn't it enough to bear the knowledge that a child has died? I cannot handle it. I have to push it out of my mind or the part of me that feels it crumbles.
There will always be a part of me that sobs viciously and incessantly over the deaths of children.
I want to be censored. I know my limits. I do not want people to share this kind of article even though I know they are doing it to show the world of injustice. But for my mental health, I cannot handle it. I don't get to talk to adults all day and debrief about these things. I don't always want to talk about this kind of thing to the people I'm comfortable with. I don't want to have to deal with it.
For me, with my young lives in another room, I cannot read stories of tragic death, whether from vaccinations, or drowning, or violence, or accidents (think of the first chapter of One Thousand Gifts: the imagery has plagued me deeply.) The pain is real and touchable, because lives are fragile and I am responsible for two fragile lives.
A deep part of my soul cries out for these children.
But I cannot know the details.
So remember that there are always many ways to receive information, and one way is being traumatized. There will always be people who are traumatized by the visceral pain of the world. Right now, I am one of them.
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
Sexual Purity and our fallen world.
I keep seeing posts on my Facebook feed about how the ideals of sexual purity are "patriarchal".
But let's be honest.
The ideal of sexual purity is God-blessed, because when we hold to sexual purity we have the best relationships we can in marriage.
But sin and corruption have screwed some people's sexual "purity." Abuse, rape, relationships before being saved, relationships deceived while being saved. There are a lot of examples of this.
I think the beauty in the midst of each of these dark scorching coals in our hearts in the redemption that God provides.
He relieves our guilt (for consensual relations) and our shame (for nonconsensual relations).
He helps us forgive others and ourselves.
He helps us redefine our paradigms for healthy sexual relationship from the scars our past has left. God is maternal,
God is paternal.
God does not hurt us but He helps us.
He heals us.
If a person feels oppressed by humans that are leaders in the church, they should turn to God's healing, and not broken people (although I definitely agree that there is a purpose and necessary need for counselors in many situations).
I do not think that male leaders in the church have it all figured out.
I do not think that female leader in the church have it all figured out.
There is imbalance and not enough realizations in the "middle" ground of the liberal and conservative arguments of the church.
There is division.
When I think about the division of the church, sometimes it's just misunderstanding.
But sometimes it's people being too stubborn to listen to God (on both sides).
And sometimes it's people listening to God.
When you listen,
Really stop and listen to God
Do you find yourself arguing with Scripture (the inerrant words of Christ!)?
Do you find yourself mad at Paul's writings?
Do you say to yourself that this is cultural and was a broken system?
Stop listening to your voice and start listening to God's voice.
It's in the Scripture. The more you study it (and NOT what other people write about it), the more you understand God's will for your life! And what He's really saying. Study the cultural understanding.
Step away from theology and take a look at history.
Study someone who takes an exegetical perspective and not a topical perspective.
Spend more time in God's word and less time in devotionals written by people.
(This is by no means my exhaustive feelings on this topic.)
But let's be honest.
The ideal of sexual purity is God-blessed, because when we hold to sexual purity we have the best relationships we can in marriage.
But sin and corruption have screwed some people's sexual "purity." Abuse, rape, relationships before being saved, relationships deceived while being saved. There are a lot of examples of this.
I think the beauty in the midst of each of these dark scorching coals in our hearts in the redemption that God provides.
He relieves our guilt (for consensual relations) and our shame (for nonconsensual relations).
He helps us forgive others and ourselves.
He helps us redefine our paradigms for healthy sexual relationship from the scars our past has left. God is maternal,
God is paternal.
God does not hurt us but He helps us.
He heals us.
If a person feels oppressed by humans that are leaders in the church, they should turn to God's healing, and not broken people (although I definitely agree that there is a purpose and necessary need for counselors in many situations).
I do not think that male leaders in the church have it all figured out.
I do not think that female leader in the church have it all figured out.
There is imbalance and not enough realizations in the "middle" ground of the liberal and conservative arguments of the church.
There is division.
When I think about the division of the church, sometimes it's just misunderstanding.
But sometimes it's people being too stubborn to listen to God (on both sides).
And sometimes it's people listening to God.
When you listen,
Really stop and listen to God
Do you find yourself arguing with Scripture (the inerrant words of Christ!)?
Do you find yourself mad at Paul's writings?
Do you say to yourself that this is cultural and was a broken system?
Stop listening to your voice and start listening to God's voice.
It's in the Scripture. The more you study it (and NOT what other people write about it), the more you understand God's will for your life! And what He's really saying. Study the cultural understanding.
Step away from theology and take a look at history.
Study someone who takes an exegetical perspective and not a topical perspective.
Spend more time in God's word and less time in devotionals written by people.
(This is by no means my exhaustive feelings on this topic.)
Thursday, August 27, 2015
New Song: We have the love of Christ!
Shall hardship or trouble
Persecution of famine
Separate us from your love?
Shall shamefulness or danger
Or death by the sword
Separate us from your love
We are more than conquerors of these things
We are more than conquerors
With your love
With your love
Shall death or life
Or angels or demons
Separate us
From your love
Shall governments (between us)
Or heights or depths (beneath us)
Separate us from your love?
We are more than conquerors of these things
We are more than conquerors with your love
With your love
We have the love of Christ!
Conqueror of death
Creator of life
He has already won
What we're fighting
We have the love of Christ!
Redeeming me from the worst I've been
He has overcome
This storm we're in
Romans 8:28
>
Persecution of famine
Separate us from your love?
Shall shamefulness or danger
Or death by the sword
Separate us from your love
We are more than conquerors of these things
We are more than conquerors
With your love
With your love
Shall death or life
Or angels or demons
Separate us
From your love
Shall governments (between us)
Or heights or depths (beneath us)
Separate us from your love?
We are more than conquerors of these things
We are more than conquerors with your love
With your love
We have the love of Christ!
Conqueror of death
Creator of life
He has already won
What we're fighting
We have the love of Christ!
Redeeming me from the worst I've been
He has overcome
This storm we're in
Romans 8:28
>
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Typical Morning in the Life of the Minions
When I say minions, I mean my *almost* three year old and my fourteen month old.
6:30am my children wake up, and the moment I enter their room, they begin demanding smoothies.
I live to serve, so I make them smoothies. milk kefir, cocoa powder, vanilla extract, frozen banana, and coconut oil.
They chug them, and occasionally take breaks to scream about things.
Naisa is not sharing the babies. or the cars. or the books. or the kids hair brushes.
Then there is more screaming.
Naisa goes to the bathroom, but leave the door open, so I have to sprint to get Yonah before he causes an upheaval between Naisa and the toilet paper. It's a danger zone.
Then Naisa wants to poop, but only in a diaper and I want her to be done with diapers, so there is more screaming and crying, and me getting frustrated because she won't stop screaming while I try to explain that she is a big girl and not 'baby Naisa' and she needs to use the potty like mommy and daddy and not like baby Yonah.
I find myself making myself a smoothie with more screaming in the background. The iPhone didn't charge last night so there is no white noise for my husband to keep sleeping. When he gets up, he looks confused by the mornings screaming.
He eats cold oatmeal out the fridge and goes to ladle broth out of the crockpot and then goes to the sink and says, "I think I got all fat." and then spoons said fat into the sink.
I get mad and tell him to put it in a clear cup so he can see the fat line and he doesn't listen and keeps pouring fat into the now-greasy sink.
During this same time, I have found a movie on youtube call the Poop Song for two year olds and we are watching it over and over to get Naisa to get the idea.
I now have the poop song stuck in my head on repeat.
I make his lunch and feed Yonah cheese while he showers. Naisa begs to take a bath and I tell her she has to wait (did I mention waiting is hard for Naisa?)
We sit in the rocking chair and rock and snuggle and I tell her how much I love her and she says,"Yonah needs to be loved."
I say, "I love Yonah a lot, so I am giving you some love."
Naisa stops and thinks, "I love Yonah."
Yonah is very polite. When I hand him his smoothie cup later, he says an audible, "Thank you." That's pretty good, considering most of his words only make sense to him.
Naisa has now thrown all the toys across the room, hitting me and Yonah at least once.
There are now frustrated noises coming from Yonah, and I suspect he needs his morning nap.
6:30am my children wake up, and the moment I enter their room, they begin demanding smoothies.
I live to serve, so I make them smoothies. milk kefir, cocoa powder, vanilla extract, frozen banana, and coconut oil.
They chug them, and occasionally take breaks to scream about things.
Naisa is not sharing the babies. or the cars. or the books. or the kids hair brushes.
Then there is more screaming.
Naisa goes to the bathroom, but leave the door open, so I have to sprint to get Yonah before he causes an upheaval between Naisa and the toilet paper. It's a danger zone.
Then Naisa wants to poop, but only in a diaper and I want her to be done with diapers, so there is more screaming and crying, and me getting frustrated because she won't stop screaming while I try to explain that she is a big girl and not 'baby Naisa' and she needs to use the potty like mommy and daddy and not like baby Yonah.
I find myself making myself a smoothie with more screaming in the background. The iPhone didn't charge last night so there is no white noise for my husband to keep sleeping. When he gets up, he looks confused by the mornings screaming.
He eats cold oatmeal out the fridge and goes to ladle broth out of the crockpot and then goes to the sink and says, "I think I got all fat." and then spoons said fat into the sink.
I get mad and tell him to put it in a clear cup so he can see the fat line and he doesn't listen and keeps pouring fat into the now-greasy sink.
During this same time, I have found a movie on youtube call the Poop Song for two year olds and we are watching it over and over to get Naisa to get the idea.
I now have the poop song stuck in my head on repeat.
I make his lunch and feed Yonah cheese while he showers. Naisa begs to take a bath and I tell her she has to wait (did I mention waiting is hard for Naisa?)
We sit in the rocking chair and rock and snuggle and I tell her how much I love her and she says,"Yonah needs to be loved."
I say, "I love Yonah a lot, so I am giving you some love."
Naisa stops and thinks, "I love Yonah."
Yonah is very polite. When I hand him his smoothie cup later, he says an audible, "Thank you." That's pretty good, considering most of his words only make sense to him.
Naisa has now thrown all the toys across the room, hitting me and Yonah at least once.
There are now frustrated noises coming from Yonah, and I suspect he needs his morning nap.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Brown Recluse Spider Update, plus updates
We have been back in our apartment for two weeks now. I can't believe it's only been two weeks. It was an exhausting week last week.
We had to be out of our apartment that Friday at 7am, so Naisa, Yonah and I all spent the day at my mom friend's home, with her four kids aged 7 to 13. We had a great time, playing games, picking tomatoes, swinging on swings, exploring the house and yard. We also had dinner at their home and Naisa and Yonah had a wonderful time.
We had to be out of our apartment that Friday at 7am, so Naisa, Yonah and I all spent the day at my mom friend's home, with her four kids aged 7 to 13. We had a great time, playing games, picking tomatoes, swinging on swings, exploring the house and yard. We also had dinner at their home and Naisa and Yonah had a wonderful time.
Then we went to the bed and breakfast, and had a great time.Naisa and Yonah got to help with the chores in the morning, which included feeding the pigs, milking the goat, giving the calf a bottle, and gathering eggs. Because we booked a room/suite that had no breakfast included, the eggs we gathered were a part of our meal. There was a beautiful swimming pond that had lots of hugh koi fish in it. We fed the fish several times.
When we came home, we had to move our furniture back (We had to pull it all away from the walls so they could spray the floor boards. This took patience and energy. Our landlord asked us to clean, then pull everything away from the walls. All I could think was how messy it looked after we pulled the furniture away from the walls. We didn't receive any calls, so that was good.
I have been peeling and quartering and coring tomatoes that my neighbor has had excess of for the last two weeks. Now there are several gallon bags full in the freezer and I look forward to making salsa with them when the time comes!
I reread The Twelfth Imam, The Tehran Initiative, and Damascus countdown by Joel Rosenberg in the past couple weeks. They are a thriller series set in current time about a young CIA operative who is in Iran as a NOC when Iran gets the bomb and the Shia Muslims become convinced that this man performing miracles is the Twelfth Imam and is bringing end times.
It is very interesting and (as usual) I couldn't put it down. :)
I'm writing more music. The most recent song is called "Holding on to You" and is about how in whatever situation we find ourselves in, we keep taking time to be with God and meditate on Him and he keeps working on us. I love it.
Recently the top row of letters on Ben's laptop stopped working and we made the expensive decision to purchase a new computer. So now we have a new one!
My weight loss has paused, but I am losing inches, so I'm not concerned. I started attempting to space my meals out more shooting for four hours in-between meals, shooting for four meals a day. I'm trying to increase my raw milk consumption because it has calcium and I have a lot of calcium depletors in my life (#1 is Yonah). I also got gelatin at Lemon Street Market, and I am glad to have it. I mix it into my smoothies and it is very good.
Naptime is over, I'm afraid.
I have been peeling and quartering and coring tomatoes that my neighbor has had excess of for the last two weeks. Now there are several gallon bags full in the freezer and I look forward to making salsa with them when the time comes!
I reread The Twelfth Imam, The Tehran Initiative, and Damascus countdown by Joel Rosenberg in the past couple weeks. They are a thriller series set in current time about a young CIA operative who is in Iran as a NOC when Iran gets the bomb and the Shia Muslims become convinced that this man performing miracles is the Twelfth Imam and is bringing end times.
It is very interesting and (as usual) I couldn't put it down. :)
I'm writing more music. The most recent song is called "Holding on to You" and is about how in whatever situation we find ourselves in, we keep taking time to be with God and meditate on Him and he keeps working on us. I love it.
Recently the top row of letters on Ben's laptop stopped working and we made the expensive decision to purchase a new computer. So now we have a new one!
My weight loss has paused, but I am losing inches, so I'm not concerned. I started attempting to space my meals out more shooting for four hours in-between meals, shooting for four meals a day. I'm trying to increase my raw milk consumption because it has calcium and I have a lot of calcium depletors in my life (#1 is Yonah). I also got gelatin at Lemon Street Market, and I am glad to have it. I mix it into my smoothies and it is very good.
Naptime is over, I'm afraid.
Wednesday, August 05, 2015
Week four of weight loss
I reached 203 today.
Down 1.6 from last week, and I feel good, and I don't feel like I'm starving and I get to have two tablespoons of coconut oil chocolate everyday. It's a good treat for me to have to make it through the afternoon.
I am using the old Points system from back in the day when I was on Weight Watchers. I was a pro. I still know all the points of everything.
I made a goal to be down 25lbs by the end of the year and also to workout with Ttapp four or five times a week. My goal weight is 165.
But I can tell you, but the time I am 190, I am going to be the darndest good looking person weighing 190 you've ever seen. Just sayin.
My body is healthier than it has ever been, despite my current weight. My basal body temperature is 97.8 in my follicular phase and 98.3 in my luteal phase. That might not mean much to you, but before I was pregnant with Yonah it was 97.0, sometimes in the 96.6 range. That's low. It is much better for you to have a higher basal temp because it means your thyroid is functioning. Yay functioning thyroid.
Also healthier: I am not using articifial sugars like I was when I was on Weight watchers in 2002-2007 and then all the way through 2013. And I don't crave sugars. Many things are too sweet for me now. Ben and I had some organic oreo cookies in the house and they were good, but they were too sweet, so he brought them for his employees at work and they loved them (of course). And I'm eating fat! Yay yummy saturated fat! That helps me feel much more satisfied.
This is one of those things that people talk about as a weight loss kicker after a baby is born: breastfeeding. Well I'm here to tell you that that is NOT the case for everyone.
Personally, I think that "bouncing back" after a baby is created and birthed has much more to do with genetics of the lady and her body's hormonal functions and metabolism than breastfeeding. Now that Yonah is nursing less I get to eat less, but I'm also less hungry. I like being less hungry. It makes weight loss more doable.
Let me tell you, I have to be intentional about every single pound I lose. I have to track my food intake, I have to keep working out, I have to weigh myself weekly, because I can't just hope that it's going to change and keep eating.
"Oh I'm going to weigh ten pounds less soon."
goes and makes more coconut oil chocolate
You know it's really funny where I lose weight first--and it has always been this way--in my chest. At least I know I'm losing weight--it's very notiicable.
Here's to keepin on, keepin on.
Yes you can!
Down 1.6 from last week, and I feel good, and I don't feel like I'm starving and I get to have two tablespoons of coconut oil chocolate everyday. It's a good treat for me to have to make it through the afternoon.
I am using the old Points system from back in the day when I was on Weight Watchers. I was a pro. I still know all the points of everything.
I made a goal to be down 25lbs by the end of the year and also to workout with Ttapp four or five times a week. My goal weight is 165.
But I can tell you, but the time I am 190, I am going to be the darndest good looking person weighing 190 you've ever seen. Just sayin.
My body is healthier than it has ever been, despite my current weight. My basal body temperature is 97.8 in my follicular phase and 98.3 in my luteal phase. That might not mean much to you, but before I was pregnant with Yonah it was 97.0, sometimes in the 96.6 range. That's low. It is much better for you to have a higher basal temp because it means your thyroid is functioning. Yay functioning thyroid.
Also healthier: I am not using articifial sugars like I was when I was on Weight watchers in 2002-2007 and then all the way through 2013. And I don't crave sugars. Many things are too sweet for me now. Ben and I had some organic oreo cookies in the house and they were good, but they were too sweet, so he brought them for his employees at work and they loved them (of course). And I'm eating fat! Yay yummy saturated fat! That helps me feel much more satisfied.
This is one of those things that people talk about as a weight loss kicker after a baby is born: breastfeeding. Well I'm here to tell you that that is NOT the case for everyone.
Personally, I think that "bouncing back" after a baby is created and birthed has much more to do with genetics of the lady and her body's hormonal functions and metabolism than breastfeeding. Now that Yonah is nursing less I get to eat less, but I'm also less hungry. I like being less hungry. It makes weight loss more doable.
Let me tell you, I have to be intentional about every single pound I lose. I have to track my food intake, I have to keep working out, I have to weigh myself weekly, because I can't just hope that it's going to change and keep eating.
"Oh I'm going to weigh ten pounds less soon."
goes and makes more coconut oil chocolate
You know it's really funny where I lose weight first--and it has always been this way--in my chest. At least I know I'm losing weight--it's very notiicable.
Here's to keepin on, keepin on.
Yes you can!
Beef, Brown Recluse Spiders, cotton washclothes, cleaning, diapers?!
In order of the title.
We decided to go with the local smal scale farm, for the beef with the best price: $3.30/lb. It won't be until November, but that gives us time to also use the beef my parents have for us.
It is now August, and we have been in out apartment for eight and a half months. I had gotten used to it's quirks until recently--when a brown spider crawled over a washcloth crumbled behind my diaper stash. I caught it, put it in a jar and inspected it. I could see the fangs on this guy and that concerned me. I texted my slightly-more-arache-savvy neighbor that I had a spider for her to look at and then hit the internet. And there is was: brown recluse.
Nothing like getting the heebie jeebies from reading my blog, right? I stuck it in the freezer (cold, lonely death, I know) and told Ben when I got home and then we attempted to make a slight plan of action, which is actually hard to do. We bought glue traps. Our apartment is, for lack of better words, thrown together. There are holes in the walls where the cables for a TV come in. There are outlets that aren't covered. There are 1/8" to 1/4" gaps in the dry wall in the closet that I can see the insulation from. There are holes in the floor in the bathroom that open straight into the hallway below it (which is like an unfinished basement). Half of the windows do not work anymore. I could go on. I won't.
Let's add a couple of players to the game: Naisa and Yonah. My mess makers and crumb eaters. Ben's cousin Josh, who once was bitten by a brown recluse and spent a week in the hospital. What happens when you are bitten by a brown recluse spider: tissue damage--big ugly holes in your flesh. Do not Google it unless you have an iron stomach or you are a nurse.
Can you say conundrum? We also live in a big apartment building with four other apartments. I spoke to our aparmtent manager about ita nd they are willing to call an exterminator , but we now exist with another conundrum. The chemicals. I would love to say that eradication of poisonous spiders is a simple and safe task, but you can really go at it with a can of insecticide and attempt to wipe them out. But our concern, now is no longer the spiders themselves, but the chemicals that are used to kill the spiders. What is that going to do to our bodies years from now? Some companies use non toxic methods, some don't.
And if they don't do each apartment, who isn't to say that they will always be there, in the walls, sneaking out to kick my adrenaline in.
ok. that's all for now.
I've been knitting cotton washclothes like crazy. I thought about selling them. Anyone want to buy a cotton washcloth? $5each. lemme know.
because of the spiders, I have been cleaning the aparmtent more thoroughly, so it's clean every night and even when I am tired, I still try to persevere to finish. I finally got rid of some big piles that were in our bedroom and took care of some tasks that were needing to be done.
My bloth diapers have been giving me some frustration lately. They were ammonia smelling, so I took the time to strip them, but they still smell ammonia-y after using bleach and dawn soap. I am just going to have to break down and scrub every last one of the inserts with the dawn soap.
That's all.
We decided to go with the local smal scale farm, for the beef with the best price: $3.30/lb. It won't be until November, but that gives us time to also use the beef my parents have for us.
It is now August, and we have been in out apartment for eight and a half months. I had gotten used to it's quirks until recently--when a brown spider crawled over a washcloth crumbled behind my diaper stash. I caught it, put it in a jar and inspected it. I could see the fangs on this guy and that concerned me. I texted my slightly-more-arache-savvy neighbor that I had a spider for her to look at and then hit the internet. And there is was: brown recluse.
 | |
| Sorry Marie |
Let's add a couple of players to the game: Naisa and Yonah. My mess makers and crumb eaters. Ben's cousin Josh, who once was bitten by a brown recluse and spent a week in the hospital. What happens when you are bitten by a brown recluse spider: tissue damage--big ugly holes in your flesh. Do not Google it unless you have an iron stomach or you are a nurse.
Can you say conundrum? We also live in a big apartment building with four other apartments. I spoke to our aparmtent manager about ita nd they are willing to call an exterminator , but we now exist with another conundrum. The chemicals. I would love to say that eradication of poisonous spiders is a simple and safe task, but you can really go at it with a can of insecticide and attempt to wipe them out. But our concern, now is no longer the spiders themselves, but the chemicals that are used to kill the spiders. What is that going to do to our bodies years from now? Some companies use non toxic methods, some don't.
And if they don't do each apartment, who isn't to say that they will always be there, in the walls, sneaking out to kick my adrenaline in.
ok. that's all for now.
I've been knitting cotton washclothes like crazy. I thought about selling them. Anyone want to buy a cotton washcloth? $5each. lemme know.
because of the spiders, I have been cleaning the aparmtent more thoroughly, so it's clean every night and even when I am tired, I still try to persevere to finish. I finally got rid of some big piles that were in our bedroom and took care of some tasks that were needing to be done.
My bloth diapers have been giving me some frustration lately. They were ammonia smelling, so I took the time to strip them, but they still smell ammonia-y after using bleach and dawn soap. I am just going to have to break down and scrub every last one of the inserts with the dawn soap.
That's all.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Why local, bulk, grass fed beef is the best option for your budget and how to seal the best deal
We've been living in our current area for the past seven and a half months. Part of the time, my parents brought some meat from their cow share for us to use. The other part of the time, my husband's parents brought us venison to use. Now, we are out of beef and red meat in general (except for a pound and a half of liver that I should consume with jest), and I have started looking for a farm to purchase a quarter of a cow from.
We love buying in bulk! Especially meat! Meat is expensive in general, even the factory farmed crap that they sell at the grocery store. So we look for the best option for our money's worth. And it is not being the three pound ground beef from Walmart and dividing it into pounders to use.
Buying a quarter of a cow is.
But why grass fed?
Cows originally ate what they found in the field/prairie/forest. Then when penned in, they obliged to the humans holding them captive and ate what was in front of them, which is now GMO soybeans, GMO corn, and a vitamin and mineral mix). When cows eat outside and eat what's growing outside, they live healthier--no need to use antibiotics to keep them healthy. In addition, the milk they produce and the meat that comes from them is healthier. The ratios of Omega 3s to 6s and 9s is much more ideal. The Coagulated Lineic Acid is more abundant. And the fat-soluble vitamins are exponentially higher than the factory farmed versions.: Vitamin D, A, and K2.
And the price does not lie: We are looking at a range from $3.30/lb to $6.25/lb. A quarter of a cow usually levels out to abut a hundred pounds, give or take ten.
That's stretching it, you say? That's quite an investment, you say?
Get this! This is for ground beef, and patties, and stew meat, and chuck roast, but it's also for steaks, filet mignon, organs, bones, and roasts galore! all for the same flat rate.
We love it! And all the money goes straight to the farmer and the butcher. No middle man, no grocery giant in between.
Now here's how to get the best deal:
1. Use eatwild.org to find farmers local to your area. Then call, email, and visit. Ask questions about pricing. You are the buyer. Get your best deal!
2. Ask your friends in the area where they get their meat. There will be some! They might know a local farmer who uses their cow quarters as a side business rather than their main business.
3. Find a dairy farmer who raises their steers born into their herd. It will (most likely) be a side profit for them, and the pricing will be much more affordable.
4. Watch your timing. Most of the farmers I was in contact with butcher their steers (or naughty heifers) in the fall, after they have grown enough. If you want the meat now, and it's July (it is), you may have to pay much more for it (due to the farmer meeting your demand, they can raise the price), rather than waiting until the fall.
We will be making a decision soon about who we will be purchasing from. I will be getting the organs and bones for extra vitamins and for making nourishing bone broth. I can't wait!
Happy cooking!
Grace
We love buying in bulk! Especially meat! Meat is expensive in general, even the factory farmed crap that they sell at the grocery store. So we look for the best option for our money's worth. And it is not being the three pound ground beef from Walmart and dividing it into pounders to use.
Buying a quarter of a cow is.
But why grass fed?
Cows originally ate what they found in the field/prairie/forest. Then when penned in, they obliged to the humans holding them captive and ate what was in front of them, which is now GMO soybeans, GMO corn, and a vitamin and mineral mix). When cows eat outside and eat what's growing outside, they live healthier--no need to use antibiotics to keep them healthy. In addition, the milk they produce and the meat that comes from them is healthier. The ratios of Omega 3s to 6s and 9s is much more ideal. The Coagulated Lineic Acid is more abundant. And the fat-soluble vitamins are exponentially higher than the factory farmed versions.: Vitamin D, A, and K2.
And the price does not lie: We are looking at a range from $3.30/lb to $6.25/lb. A quarter of a cow usually levels out to abut a hundred pounds, give or take ten.
That's stretching it, you say? That's quite an investment, you say?
Get this! This is for ground beef, and patties, and stew meat, and chuck roast, but it's also for steaks, filet mignon, organs, bones, and roasts galore! all for the same flat rate.
We love it! And all the money goes straight to the farmer and the butcher. No middle man, no grocery giant in between.
Now here's how to get the best deal:
1. Use eatwild.org to find farmers local to your area. Then call, email, and visit. Ask questions about pricing. You are the buyer. Get your best deal!
2. Ask your friends in the area where they get their meat. There will be some! They might know a local farmer who uses their cow quarters as a side business rather than their main business.
3. Find a dairy farmer who raises their steers born into their herd. It will (most likely) be a side profit for them, and the pricing will be much more affordable.
4. Watch your timing. Most of the farmers I was in contact with butcher their steers (or naughty heifers) in the fall, after they have grown enough. If you want the meat now, and it's July (it is), you may have to pay much more for it (due to the farmer meeting your demand, they can raise the price), rather than waiting until the fall.
We will be making a decision soon about who we will be purchasing from. I will be getting the organs and bones for extra vitamins and for making nourishing bone broth. I can't wait!
Happy cooking!
Grace
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
A reaction to EMU's faculty policy
My thoughts are swirling from the decision that my alma mater made yesterday, choosing to change their hiring guidelines so that they will hire practicing LGBTQ faculty because they will not discriminate. Now, despite my firm belief that homosexuality in practice (not in identity) is wrong, I am finding this decision contradictory to the schools belief system and the standards that they have asked students to uphold in the comunity lifestyle agreement: Students are not to practice premartial sex. This agreement is signed upon completeion of application to the school, whether the student knows it or not.
The contradiction is this: how can staff and faculty mentor and represent these guidelines if they are practicing homosexuality in a committed relationship that is not marriage? Now our government is attempting to change the definition of marriage in our culture, but EMU has a higher calling to uphold what the Bible says, which is that Marriage is between a man and a woman. If EMU proclaims to be a Christian Univeristy, following the Bible, they should also follow what the Bible says about marriage. We are called to "not conform to that patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds" in Christ Jesus. "To have pure religion is this: ..to remain unstained by the world."
Ask yourselves, those of you who made this decision, whether you have honestly and completely continued to renew your minds in Christ Jesus and remained unstained by the world.
If you are a teacher of Christ Jesus, and a leader and guide to those who are younger in their faith, you are upheld to a stricter judgment. Those who cause a young child to stumble in their faith, "it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."
We are not called to change what the Bible says.
We are called to live what the Bible has taught and reminded us through its teachings.
The contradiction is this: how can staff and faculty mentor and represent these guidelines if they are practicing homosexuality in a committed relationship that is not marriage? Now our government is attempting to change the definition of marriage in our culture, but EMU has a higher calling to uphold what the Bible says, which is that Marriage is between a man and a woman. If EMU proclaims to be a Christian Univeristy, following the Bible, they should also follow what the Bible says about marriage. We are called to "not conform to that patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds" in Christ Jesus. "To have pure religion is this: ..to remain unstained by the world."
Ask yourselves, those of you who made this decision, whether you have honestly and completely continued to renew your minds in Christ Jesus and remained unstained by the world.
If you are a teacher of Christ Jesus, and a leader and guide to those who are younger in their faith, you are upheld to a stricter judgment. Those who cause a young child to stumble in their faith, "it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."
We are not called to change what the Bible says.
We are called to live what the Bible has taught and reminded us through its teachings.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Dear Emily
Emily, a friend from camp who was very dear to me, recently passed away from an overdose.
She struggled with severe depression from a very young age. I wrote this song in memory of her.
Dear Emily-I wanted to see you, keep seeing you to see you again. Sweet friend, you were important, you're still important, and you will be important to me.
And my heart is broken, my heart is breaking--that you felt you had to let go of this world. You were so strong--we'll all be stronger from knowing you.
Dear Emily, I wanted to show you, I needed to show you these treasures of mine. I knew you. I knew the heart beating in you! I didn't want to say good bye yet.
Dear Emily, You were a sister to me. We loved the same things. I can't believe I won't see you again. Dear Emily, You were stronger than anyone could see. I will miss you until I see you again.
And my heart is broken, you could have spoken to someone about this. But how many more times would you have come up with another way?
Dear Emily, I don't know if you have regrets, I don't know where your heart was, I don't know where you are now. But Emily, you were loved. You are loved. Your memory will be loved.
But I wish it was you.
She struggled with severe depression from a very young age. I wrote this song in memory of her.
Dear Emily-I wanted to see you, keep seeing you to see you again. Sweet friend, you were important, you're still important, and you will be important to me.
And my heart is broken, my heart is breaking--that you felt you had to let go of this world. You were so strong--we'll all be stronger from knowing you.
Dear Emily, I wanted to show you, I needed to show you these treasures of mine. I knew you. I knew the heart beating in you! I didn't want to say good bye yet.
Dear Emily, You were a sister to me. We loved the same things. I can't believe I won't see you again. Dear Emily, You were stronger than anyone could see. I will miss you until I see you again.
And my heart is broken, you could have spoken to someone about this. But how many more times would you have come up with another way?
Dear Emily, I don't know if you have regrets, I don't know where your heart was, I don't know where you are now. But Emily, you were loved. You are loved. Your memory will be loved.
But I wish it was you.
Friday, May 08, 2015
I'm turning 24.
right now:
I am listening to both my children wake up from their naps.
one year ago:
I had a plump belly filled with Yonah.
two years ago:
I had a rambunctous eight month old storming the castle
three years ago:
I was a newlywed and over halfway pregnant with Naisa
four years ago:
I was getting over mono, starting to run again, missing my man, and working at Sauder Village
Five years ago:
I was getting acclimated in New York City, and parallel parked a truck with six inches on either side (it took forty five minutes)
six years ago:
I was done with my classes at Akron University and was getting ready for prom and graduation and moving.
seven years ago:
I was finishing my classes at Akron, getting ready to work at camp
eight years ago:
I was working at a hot dog grille and walking four miles a day
nine years ago:
I was getting over my first boyfriend, had acted in my first school play, and won second place in the high school talent show.
ten years ago:
I was fitted for my high school marching band uniform, was a maintaining member of Weight Watchers, and was about to become a high schooler.
eleven years ago:
I did a back bend for the first time and had lost over thirty pounds with Weight watchers. I was the county champion for the spelling bee.
twelve years ago:
I was in sixth grade. My friend Beth and I did a project on growing daisies
thirteen years ago:
I did a speech on DARE and was "Grade Engle" in the program. I played "Why am I Blue?" in the school talent show
fourteen years ago:
I did a project on Pluto, wrote stories from civil war period times and loved writing.
fifteen years ago:
I had the most stickers from having a green card and I got a prize that was a pretend box with something in it. It would shake when the button turned on like there was an animal inside
sixteen years ago:
We had Chocolate day and wonderful interactive activities where we made candles and built things with wooden blocks. I also did three laps around the classroom playing Around the World.
seventeen years ago:
I was at the highest reading level and loved playing with the marble run toys available during free time
eighteen years ago:
I had a friend named Elizabeth who could draw better than stick figures (we made a club) and played ba ba black sheep on the piano in our classroom. Mrs. Yoder still teaches at Waterman.
nineteen years ago:
We were moving to Harrisonburg. I played under the truck (I could walk under it without bending).
twenty years ago:
I loved the magic cat and painting the bricks in our entryway with water.
twenty one years ago:
I had surgery to fix a ureteral birth defect.
twenty two years ago:
I was almost two. (and I have no memories)
twenty three years ago:
I was almost one.
twenty four years ago:
Mom was reallly pregnant with me.
I am listening to both my children wake up from their naps.
one year ago:
I had a plump belly filled with Yonah.
two years ago:
I had a rambunctous eight month old storming the castle
three years ago:
I was a newlywed and over halfway pregnant with Naisa
four years ago:
I was getting over mono, starting to run again, missing my man, and working at Sauder Village
Five years ago:
I was getting acclimated in New York City, and parallel parked a truck with six inches on either side (it took forty five minutes)
six years ago:
I was done with my classes at Akron University and was getting ready for prom and graduation and moving.
seven years ago:
I was finishing my classes at Akron, getting ready to work at camp
eight years ago:
I was working at a hot dog grille and walking four miles a day
nine years ago:
I was getting over my first boyfriend, had acted in my first school play, and won second place in the high school talent show.
ten years ago:
I was fitted for my high school marching band uniform, was a maintaining member of Weight Watchers, and was about to become a high schooler.
eleven years ago:
I did a back bend for the first time and had lost over thirty pounds with Weight watchers. I was the county champion for the spelling bee.
twelve years ago:
I was in sixth grade. My friend Beth and I did a project on growing daisies
thirteen years ago:
I did a speech on DARE and was "Grade Engle" in the program. I played "Why am I Blue?" in the school talent show
fourteen years ago:
I did a project on Pluto, wrote stories from civil war period times and loved writing.
fifteen years ago:
I had the most stickers from having a green card and I got a prize that was a pretend box with something in it. It would shake when the button turned on like there was an animal inside
sixteen years ago:
We had Chocolate day and wonderful interactive activities where we made candles and built things with wooden blocks. I also did three laps around the classroom playing Around the World.
seventeen years ago:
I was at the highest reading level and loved playing with the marble run toys available during free time
eighteen years ago:
I had a friend named Elizabeth who could draw better than stick figures (we made a club) and played ba ba black sheep on the piano in our classroom. Mrs. Yoder still teaches at Waterman.
nineteen years ago:
We were moving to Harrisonburg. I played under the truck (I could walk under it without bending).
twenty years ago:
I loved the magic cat and painting the bricks in our entryway with water.
twenty one years ago:
I had surgery to fix a ureteral birth defect.
twenty two years ago:
I was almost two. (and I have no memories)
twenty three years ago:
I was almost one.
twenty four years ago:
Mom was reallly pregnant with me.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Updates in the house of Delp
This is the third day post stomach flu, and I am feeling much much better. I am surprised at how quickly my body lets me move, and my head is clearer and no headache.
TMI if you don't like vomit
On Monday evening, I stopped eating dinner because it didn't sit right and felt nauseous and had a headache until I threw up at 9pm and then the floodgates were opened. I was able to go to bed at 1am and then slept for a good while. Ben helped get Yonah to bed and then the next day he was able to find someone to cover half of his shift so he could come home early and help me. On Tuesday I drank diluted juice all day and managed a couple pieces of toast. I had no energy. I took two two-hour naps. I could barely feed the children breakfast. My head hurt and all my muscles and joints were so sore. Wednesday I was a little better and could handle the kids after noon, when Ben went to work. I sent Naisa to Moms group with my friend so that she could have social time. I took and morning and afternoon nap again. I made chicken for dinner and ate most of a piece. I had a lightbulb moment and took some vitamin C, and then I started feeling much better. I noticed that I was feeling better when I was trying to get Yonah to laugh--I didn't have the energy to do that before. This morning I feel pretty good, although my appetite, though returning, is not 100% yet. I made myself coffee and drank a tiny bit. Cheese and avocado tasted really good this morning. I had made myself a bowl of cereal that Naisa took a liking to and she ate all but the two bites that I reserved for myself.
I got a random section of poison ivy-like breakout on my ring finger. This sucks because my finger already has a ring stuck on it (and I don't have the guts to remove it because it hurts too much (and I have a husband who doesn't want to remove it for me). Earlier in the month I was able to slide it on and I rejoiced! But I haven't been able to remove it since, so I guess it will just remain on there until my finger decides to realign with being a size 6.
I am almost halfway through memorizing James 5. I have memorized James 1-4. When I am done (and practiced up) I may try to record a video of me saying it (which would be a really long video). I have been doing the James study with the Moms group I have been attending and at the beginning I didn't see myself memorizing it, but one day I just decided to try, and when you study something so indepth, you review it so much that memorizing (for me) was just the next baby step in understanding it. I have this bad habit of reading scripture just to get it done, and memorizing makes you think about the words and their meanings because you have to try to connect everything together.
Yonah is almost ten and a half months and he is doing more standing with out support. He is almost ready to get from sitting to squatting to standing.
We have a garden space at this apartment. I did some soil turning in the past couple of weeks and will put some things in the garden as soon as the transplants (that I also started) seem bit enough. The squash are very excited about being planted, but the tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers are taking their time.
We are getting to know our neighbors a little bit more now that the weather is nicer.
Due to the stomach flu, I have now reached my pre-Yonah-pregnancy weight! So now to lose thirty five more pounds!
See you on the flip side, (XD)
Grace
TMI if you don't like vomit
On Monday evening, I stopped eating dinner because it didn't sit right and felt nauseous and had a headache until I threw up at 9pm and then the floodgates were opened. I was able to go to bed at 1am and then slept for a good while. Ben helped get Yonah to bed and then the next day he was able to find someone to cover half of his shift so he could come home early and help me. On Tuesday I drank diluted juice all day and managed a couple pieces of toast. I had no energy. I took two two-hour naps. I could barely feed the children breakfast. My head hurt and all my muscles and joints were so sore. Wednesday I was a little better and could handle the kids after noon, when Ben went to work. I sent Naisa to Moms group with my friend so that she could have social time. I took and morning and afternoon nap again. I made chicken for dinner and ate most of a piece. I had a lightbulb moment and took some vitamin C, and then I started feeling much better. I noticed that I was feeling better when I was trying to get Yonah to laugh--I didn't have the energy to do that before. This morning I feel pretty good, although my appetite, though returning, is not 100% yet. I made myself coffee and drank a tiny bit. Cheese and avocado tasted really good this morning. I had made myself a bowl of cereal that Naisa took a liking to and she ate all but the two bites that I reserved for myself.
I got a random section of poison ivy-like breakout on my ring finger. This sucks because my finger already has a ring stuck on it (and I don't have the guts to remove it because it hurts too much (and I have a husband who doesn't want to remove it for me). Earlier in the month I was able to slide it on and I rejoiced! But I haven't been able to remove it since, so I guess it will just remain on there until my finger decides to realign with being a size 6.
I am almost halfway through memorizing James 5. I have memorized James 1-4. When I am done (and practiced up) I may try to record a video of me saying it (which would be a really long video). I have been doing the James study with the Moms group I have been attending and at the beginning I didn't see myself memorizing it, but one day I just decided to try, and when you study something so indepth, you review it so much that memorizing (for me) was just the next baby step in understanding it. I have this bad habit of reading scripture just to get it done, and memorizing makes you think about the words and their meanings because you have to try to connect everything together.
Yonah is almost ten and a half months and he is doing more standing with out support. He is almost ready to get from sitting to squatting to standing.
We have a garden space at this apartment. I did some soil turning in the past couple of weeks and will put some things in the garden as soon as the transplants (that I also started) seem bit enough. The squash are very excited about being planted, but the tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers are taking their time.
We are getting to know our neighbors a little bit more now that the weather is nicer.
Due to the stomach flu, I have now reached my pre-Yonah-pregnancy weight! So now to lose thirty five more pounds!
See you on the flip side, (XD)
Grace
Potty Training
I have a potty trained two and a half year old (except for most poops). I am going to attempt to write the process down so that I remember it. We started with a potty seat on the potty and that seemed to be a little bit of a hindrance so we ordered a princess potty for her to use. She picked it up pretty quick and was willing to go on the potty most of the time (and when she wasn't, I bribed her with bunny snacks). She had a couple accidents but quickly realized that she didn't like the feeling of being wet and we talked about how we don't pee in underwear and don't poop in underwear and she got the picture. She doesn't wear a diaper at naptime or bedtime anymore. Just when she needs to poop (and she tells me when that is). we have done several two hour car rides and she has been able to handle them as well. So I feel very good about it. I was worried it would be a struggle because she is so strong willed, but she likes it.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
A Perspective on Uncle Charlie (1975-2015)
 |
| Charlie's hari, example one |
Most of my memories of Uncle Charlie are from my childhood. Many memories are funny stories, and many others matter-of-fact statements on how his life was.
Charlie would have been 40 this year, but he seemed much other than my Uncle Jon, who also turned 40 recently.
He had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
His hair was always a mess. Or dyed blonde, and he was bi racial with very curly hair, so it wasn't the best look for him.
His street name was Squirrel. People still knew him as that as of yesterday. When his hair was "blonde" he temporarily wanted it to be changed to Bumblebee. I think we all liked Squirrel 'better.'
Uncle Charlie spent a lot of time in his early adult life without a permanent home. It was due to this that he would (by my parent's permission) sleep on our various porches when we lived in Virginia. He also slept in the basement of the duplex (which led to our cat Simba/Big Boy, who was an indoor cat, being let out and in the pound for several weeks.). He also slept on the couches we had in our homes, but after coming home drunk and falling asleep with the contents of his pockets spilling out (including chewing tobacco, with curious preschool and elementary school aged girls in the house), he was relocated to the porch at the duplex, and then the shed at our home in Bridgewater. I have memories of coming downstairs in the middle of the night (for a bathroom break) and hearing the TV static and hearing him snoring on the couch.
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| Charlie in Steelers gear |
Once, at a Christmas family gathering in the 90s, Charlie decided he was a coffee connoisseur and was acting all high and mighty about how m uch milk and sugar was added to it and my dad and his brother added hot sauce to his cup. There is a picture commemorating this event.
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| Charlie's hair, example 2 |
Once, in elementary school, I came home from school and couldn't find my sweet new pink bike anywhere. I had bought it for $75 with my paper route money and was distraught that it was gone. Turns out Charlie was running late to work and he "borrow" it to get to work faster. You know you are desperate when you ride you niece's pink bike to work at McDonald's.
Parts of his life were tragic.
Being born with fetal alcohol syndrome means that the birth mom drinks heavily during the pregnancy. Talk about hardship. It also means that a person is going to have a hard life, right from the womb. It causes developement, mental, social and psychological challenges. He was a foster child in my grandparents' home very early in his babyhood (it may be been before eight weeks.)
He had trouble keeping a job. He struggled with authority.
He could not obtain a license (although he knew how to drive a car and had at many instances). He had many girlfriends, and married once. That lady was pregnant with another man's baby (he was in prison), at the time but Charlie treated that sweet girl like his own daughter. When his wife became pregnant again, with twins, he was overjoyed, and also loved those girls deeply. Sadly, they too, were children of yet another man, and he and his wife separated and were on their way to divorce (but it was never made legal as of yesterday). He was a stay at home dad for those girls. He loved to grill. Once he had us over at his motor home for tons of delicious barbecued meat.
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| Charlie in Steelers gear, 2008 |
Once at the Engle reunion, he told us to call him Uncle "Chuckle", and called his shed his "hut."
My relationship with Uncle Charlie was complicated.
I have shied away from interacting with him in the past few years and had not seen him since Naisa's baby shower in August 2012. Charlie was known for his outspoken vocal opinions of women's appearances. Even relatives. I had heard more than enough from him. When I was an insecure teenager it was quicksand for my ego. Then when I found myself in college, it was irritating and demeaning. My sisters and I would ignore it roll our eyes. There haven't been any remembered abusive interaction besides that one time he slapped my hand in church when I accidentally dropped the offering plate. However, my mother told me in 2012 that when I was five, she found me sleeping in the same sleeping bag as him one morning. When I saw him again after that, I was twenty weeks pregnant, and had a small baby bump. He gave me an intrusive hug, and touched my belly (which I did not say he could touch and he did not ask) and he exclaimed, "You are going to be as big as a house." Everyone was staying at my grandparents' house that night and though sleeping in a different room, he was going to be sleeping in the basement. My mother noticed my discomfort and suggested that Dad also sleep in the basement and that comforted me. Charlie's boundaries were definitely askew.
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| Brianna, Charlie, Abby and Izzy, 2008 |
I'm humbled, I think, for someone I knew well, loved, but did not like, to pass away. I am a bit ambivalent. Is that wrong? It feels like it is because this is someone who means different hings for different people.
For my dad, he helped raise him. He worked hard to connect with him and be supportive of him. This is love! But this was not my role. I was a niece. I am a woman. I am my father's child. Charlie and I had a complicated relationship and I didn't need to be close to him. I needed distance. I didn't want him to have my cell phone number or know my address. I didn't want him interacting with my children. (I was not opposed to him meeting my children, but it never happened. )
He did not die peacefully. I heard from my dad that he had a seizure and choked on his vomit. This is not something I want to tell people about. Death isn't pleasant, especially before their 'time', though God knew his time. I don't even know if I want to tell people about it here, because it's a weird feeling having to address the fact that it was a dysfunctional relationship, and I don't want to say out loud that he was a hard person to be around.
His personality--he was a womanizer, had lots of things to say, but not much to do about them. He deeply desired to have a child of his own line--deeply desiring unconditional love. Calling relatives and asking for money to help with food, rent, etc, after spending the money on something else. There was too much pain in his life. I wonder how he processed it all. A birth mom who drank so heavily through her pregnancy that he was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. There's so much I dont' know or don't understand about his situation. I thin most of the Engles feel the same say. Why didn't he work on his issues with authority? Why didn't he work on getting better with his finances? I don't know. Because he was Charlie.
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| Charlie and Dathaniel Thanksgiving 2013 |
I have know for awhile that I try to avoid the imagery and confrontation that comes with death. The last funeral I attended was in 2010--my grear-grandfather Engle--a man well lived. It was a joyous occasion with lots of remembering and not as much mourning, because he'd lived a good life and was with His Savior.
But I don't know about Uncle Charlie. Dad once said that Charlie struggled with "church" stuff. I don't know the answer why. There are a lot of questions unanswered that may never be answered here on this earth.
I hope HOPE! that he has a new body and is worshipping out Glorious LORD in heaven now. That's hard to think about. And it wasn't my role to be the one to encourage him to think about Christ... or was it? Maybe in a lifetime with less of the pain of reality that existed for him that spilled out into the rest of us.
I want so badly to not portray him in such a light. "Don't speak ill of the dead." But it is hard to think of times when I felt I could take him seriously, except when he was struggling--struggling with the reality that the twins he thought were his for such a long time were another man's children. I remember the phone call to Dad that I heard on the answering machine the night when Brenna died. He was having a hard time dealing with it. I knew it was hard too, but I didn't understand it like I do now, as a mother. When little Peili died, I felt it. I had to write then.
I remember being at Uncle Mike's house, doing a developmental study with Megan for school, when he got a call from Charlie who was frustrated because he couldn't see the girls--they were getting a divorce. I remember that, and the deep sorrow I felt. Divorce is something I'd neve wish upon anyone.
I have been writing this to process and to figure out in what way I've respected him. I wanted there to be some positive light, although sometimes in real life there aren't always positives. But I have realized it now. I respected his fierce love for those girls whose fathers were not present. He had a fierce desire for and love for children, which is why he wanted a child of his own. It was challenging for me to watch when he had such a child in those bad circumstances.
I also respected his desire-need to have a job. Even thought he was let go and fired again and again for various reasons, he still tried to get another one over and over again. And he was hired over and over again. That, my friends, is endurance. "Blessed is the man who endures his trials, for when he passes the test he will received the crown of life that God promised to those who love him." My memorization of James 1 and 2 thus far is making me think about this. Did Charlie believe in God"? I'm sure he did! Did he have good works too? I can think of some. Not all of his works were good, obviously, but isn't that the way it is with all of us? If one keeps the entire law, yet fails at one point, he is guilty of breaking it all. I write that for myself, as no one of us is a "bigger" or "worse" sinner than the other.
I am remembering now, when I was fifteen and just starting to write songs, I played some for Charlie and my Uncle jon. We were on our way back to Ohio from the beach that summer, and he said, "Yeah, me and some guys are putting together a band."
"What kind of a band?" I asked.
"Like insane clown posse. Yeah we got a recording coming up."
I rolled my eyes then and chuckle to myself now when I think about that interaction. It was classic Charlie, 'one-up-ing'. but I think that was his 'way' of teeling you he liked something. Like when I was twenty weeks prego and he touched my belly and said, "you are going to be as big as a house." Doesn't make it any less traumatizing, but its just how he worked.
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| Mom with Izzy and Abby, 2008 |
I remember when Charlie said he was learning Spanish at one of his jobs, or in the neighborhood he was living in. I thought that was great, although wary of whether or not it was a boast or a fact (this was often the question). But he spoke it and it was Spanish and it was something he was learning from another. What a gift to learn another language from a peer.
In conclusion, I would like to share a story that points to another essence of Charlie: great, but unrealistic ideas and no money to do them.
It was at the same visit that he said he (and some of the guys at the trailer park) were going to start a hot dog stand and sell hot dogs though the trailer park. He asked Grandpa for money so he could buy a portable hot dog stand or grill that his friend was selling.
"only $600!"
Grandpa's suggestion that he attach Uncle Joe's old three wheeled bike (which was brakeless, in thei shed) to his grill.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Being awake at 6:20 provides updates about my life!
I love my alarm clock. He coos and hmms and "Duh'duh"s until I get him out of his bed, hoping that it's just a snooze button that can be nursed back to sleep.
But when he's trying to crawl out of my arms the moment he's done nursing, I knew I battle was lost.
So I pulled my husband's cot into the bedroom (with my husband on it! hahahahah) where Yonah was (we sleep in the living room because that's where the futon is, until we get our things), and Yonah and I went into the living room to hang out. Ben, who is a nighty owl (I can't convince him otherwise), has been working until close every night this week, (EVERY NIGHT. I'm going to fire his manager.)(But I can't.) so he can sleep in in the morning. If I don't drag him into the bedroom by my own volition, then the agreement is that we (Yonah and I) stay in the bedroom until 8am. An hour and a half.... If it's fifteen minutes, it's not so bad.
I love the warm weather!! (45 degrees being warm... hahah) I think I was in this mindset that it was going to be winter forever in PA. It was a coping mechanism, just like if I didn't think about it too much, staying in the extended stay hotel wasn't awful. So I Netflixed away my feelings. And I have been doing that here too, just with different free trials.
But this warmer weather--it's a game changer. I'm thinking about gardening. I have seeds and I will grow little transplants this year! This weekend, my grandma is coming to PA and is bringing our stroller! Just in time for the warmer weather! So I can go out for walks with my little treasures when the weather is mild enough!
Yonah has some teeth on their way. they are getting ready to pop through his gum line, which is why I gave him a carrot to gnaw on this morning. He LOVES solids. He gets really upset when he's hungry and has not been fed!
We have started the potty training process with Naisa. Right now we're waiting for some Hello Kitty underpants to come in the mail, and then I will plow full force toward success. She has her princess potty. and peed in it once. the day before yesterday. The day before that, she peed on the potty once. Right now, she really loves to wash her hands and brush her teeth right after peeing (or just sitting on the potty). I showed her that the potty makes a fun noise when you pee in it, but she hasn't connected the dots yet. she knows it "makes noise" and she wants to "go potty and make noise", but she hasn't yet (the one time she did pee on it the noise wasn't activated, dang it!)
I finished my 60 day T-Tapp challenge, and too my after photos. While I had not dramatic transformation, I had results, and it wasn't just a visual result. I also had success with using the workout program to ease back pain that resulted from a minor car accident we were in as a family in the snow on the way to a wedding in February. I'll post the before and after pictures here:
Got to go do some diaper changes!
But when he's trying to crawl out of my arms the moment he's done nursing, I knew I battle was lost.
So I pulled my husband's cot into the bedroom (with my husband on it! hahahahah) where Yonah was (we sleep in the living room because that's where the futon is, until we get our things), and Yonah and I went into the living room to hang out. Ben, who is a nighty owl (I can't convince him otherwise), has been working until close every night this week, (EVERY NIGHT. I'm going to fire his manager.)(But I can't.) so he can sleep in in the morning. If I don't drag him into the bedroom by my own volition, then the agreement is that we (Yonah and I) stay in the bedroom until 8am. An hour and a half.... If it's fifteen minutes, it's not so bad.
I love the warm weather!! (45 degrees being warm... hahah) I think I was in this mindset that it was going to be winter forever in PA. It was a coping mechanism, just like if I didn't think about it too much, staying in the extended stay hotel wasn't awful. So I Netflixed away my feelings. And I have been doing that here too, just with different free trials.
But this warmer weather--it's a game changer. I'm thinking about gardening. I have seeds and I will grow little transplants this year! This weekend, my grandma is coming to PA and is bringing our stroller! Just in time for the warmer weather! So I can go out for walks with my little treasures when the weather is mild enough!
Yonah has some teeth on their way. they are getting ready to pop through his gum line, which is why I gave him a carrot to gnaw on this morning. He LOVES solids. He gets really upset when he's hungry and has not been fed!
We have started the potty training process with Naisa. Right now we're waiting for some Hello Kitty underpants to come in the mail, and then I will plow full force toward success. She has her princess potty. and peed in it once. the day before yesterday. The day before that, she peed on the potty once. Right now, she really loves to wash her hands and brush her teeth right after peeing (or just sitting on the potty). I showed her that the potty makes a fun noise when you pee in it, but she hasn't connected the dots yet. she knows it "makes noise" and she wants to "go potty and make noise", but she hasn't yet (the one time she did pee on it the noise wasn't activated, dang it!)
I finished my 60 day T-Tapp challenge, and too my after photos. While I had not dramatic transformation, I had results, and it wasn't just a visual result. I also had success with using the workout program to ease back pain that resulted from a minor car accident we were in as a family in the snow on the way to a wedding in February. I'll post the before and after pictures here:
Monday, March 09, 2015
Updates for the month of February
Yonah is very mobile, crawling everywhere and he loves going into the other rooms (especially the bathroom) and playing with things he shouldn't--the cable cords, the door stopper, the soors themselves, climbing on the step in the bathroom, eating fuzzies off the floor! He's always chewing on something he found on the floor and I have to go fish is out of his mouth (or I see it in his diaper later!). He has enthusiastically began solids in full force and his body has had quite an adjustment switching from 100% breastmilk to lots of solids with breastmilk. He is pulling up easily, and yesterday he started to try standing without holding onto things. He is 8 and 1/2 months.
Naisa's vocab is excellent. The other day I was trying to fix her hair and she didn't want me to, so she said, "Please stop my hair." Most of the time she has great grammar and great sentences, and we also get a lot of made-up blahblahblah "Yonah's blue elephant" blahblahblah. She makes "trains" with several boxes of different sizes and often blocks the walking way in the apartment with them. "Rocket's crate" was identified as one of them.
It's really fun to see them playing together. They are so giggly and most of the time Naisa is taking the things that Yonah is playing with because she suddenly has an uncontrollable desire to play with them now that someone else is playing with them (typical two year old).
My mom and sister, Anna, came to visit twice and we really enjoyed seeing them. I gave Naisa and Yonah hair cuts because things were getting a little out of hand. Yonah may need another hair cut soon! Mom and Anna brought us some items from our storage unit, including but not limited to: dish drying rack, some plates, our silverware, some mugs, clothes for Yonah and Naisa, the cloth diapers, diaper pail. It has been so nice to not have to purchase diapers now!
I have been doing a 60 day challenge with T-Tapp, the workout routine I follow. I have seen some changes in my clothing fitting, and more recently started tracking my POINTs (old weightwatchers style) to attempt to have some accountability with my eating to help with progress. This workout is gentle and rehabilitative, as well as challenging (I always workout a sweat if I focus on the form!).
We attended a wedding in Sonderton on the 20th. We hit some bad weather on the way in and had a minor car accident due to the slush on the roads. We had started fishtailing and went into the cement median. We were blessed, though--Naisa lept watching her show, Yonah kept sleeping, no one got hurt, the car was almost completely unscathed (one broken windsheild wiper.), Ben had been breaking the entire time, so we bounced off, and did not smash into the median. I had some back pain afterward, but because I have the T-Tapp workout, I was able to do some of the moves to stretch and align my back again so that I wouldn't have pain.
We had finally received our health care and Food Stamp Assistance in PA and we have so much gratitude for the fact that there are programs so we can receive these things.
Ben is still working hard at Lifeway, and hopes for change soon.. our income needs a boost!
Naisa's vocab is excellent. The other day I was trying to fix her hair and she didn't want me to, so she said, "Please stop my hair." Most of the time she has great grammar and great sentences, and we also get a lot of made-up blahblahblah "Yonah's blue elephant" blahblahblah. She makes "trains" with several boxes of different sizes and often blocks the walking way in the apartment with them. "Rocket's crate" was identified as one of them.
It's really fun to see them playing together. They are so giggly and most of the time Naisa is taking the things that Yonah is playing with because she suddenly has an uncontrollable desire to play with them now that someone else is playing with them (typical two year old).
My mom and sister, Anna, came to visit twice and we really enjoyed seeing them. I gave Naisa and Yonah hair cuts because things were getting a little out of hand. Yonah may need another hair cut soon! Mom and Anna brought us some items from our storage unit, including but not limited to: dish drying rack, some plates, our silverware, some mugs, clothes for Yonah and Naisa, the cloth diapers, diaper pail. It has been so nice to not have to purchase diapers now!
I have been doing a 60 day challenge with T-Tapp, the workout routine I follow. I have seen some changes in my clothing fitting, and more recently started tracking my POINTs (old weightwatchers style) to attempt to have some accountability with my eating to help with progress. This workout is gentle and rehabilitative, as well as challenging (I always workout a sweat if I focus on the form!).
We attended a wedding in Sonderton on the 20th. We hit some bad weather on the way in and had a minor car accident due to the slush on the roads. We had started fishtailing and went into the cement median. We were blessed, though--Naisa lept watching her show, Yonah kept sleeping, no one got hurt, the car was almost completely unscathed (one broken windsheild wiper.), Ben had been breaking the entire time, so we bounced off, and did not smash into the median. I had some back pain afterward, but because I have the T-Tapp workout, I was able to do some of the moves to stretch and align my back again so that I wouldn't have pain.
We had finally received our health care and Food Stamp Assistance in PA and we have so much gratitude for the fact that there are programs so we can receive these things.
Ben is still working hard at Lifeway, and hopes for change soon.. our income needs a boost!
Friday, February 20, 2015
I quit coffee and we got a futon and a washer
We have been in the new apartment for almost three whole months now. We had this wonder washer, which is completely manual and you have to wring everything out and it still takes forever to dry, and then a kind family from the church had an old washer available and they brought it over. The problem was it was a cold day and she had just done a load in it. It worked great, but leaked all over the floor into the downstairs storage area onto our neighbor's things. So the day we deemed the washer unusable, Ben set out and found an affordable washer for our family and we had it delivered almost the next day.
Our air mattresses had worked great for a while until one sprung a leak and then so did the other. Ben got a cot and I got a futon. It's a nice quality futon that was new when we got it. We need to avoid having a broken futon. It's great to have because within a week of purchasing it, Yonah pulled up for the first time.
Probably in the middle of Janurary, I didn't want to keep running out of coffee and hating everything for the few days until we could buy some again, and so I got a coffee sub called TeeCcino. It's tasty, you make in a coffee maker, and was just enough to make my morning routine still happen. I do miss it, but I have coffee once a week at mom's group, and it's never quite how I would make it.
We had been attending Bossler Mennonite, which is where my mom's group meets! It's my survival! I love it and Naisa loves it. She asks to "go a kids" and when it's over and she still wants me to play, she tries to send me "go back to mommies" . She is disappointed when we miss nursery.
We had been visiting a couple different churches because Ben wanted to attend one with a pastor with extensive education. We went to a Calvary chapel in Lancaster, but we're disheartened when we couldn't have our children in the service and some left mid sermon after my glasses broke and Naisa fell down on her way out of the narrow pew,
We are now attending the first church we looked at when we came... And we have been there one time since we decided to start going back, because of the weather. We won't be going this week because we will be in Souderton this weekend, attending one of Ben's cousin's wedding.
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