More Reflections, A Poem

My grief process continues, as it will for my lifetime.
I started writing a poem or something like a poem.

I have this mug that I got from Dad who got it from Anna that says, "Angels in us coffee".
We got it in 2016; when we saw Mom and Dad in the middle of the year, Ben had watched a documentary about Pentecostal Christians and they had a funny way of saying good bye-- "Angels on your body."

So that is how we acquired the mug, which we still have, and is still not broken (Congratulations, Grace). This morning I was drinking (caffeinated (after a month of boring decaf (Swiss water process)) coffee out of this mug, and an image of angels with Mom as she lay asleep at home, waiting to go Home.

As also a way to process a very traumatic event (the day Mom fell asleep and wouldn't be roused), here is my poem.

I am so tired

Every movement is heavier

Every moment full of effort

I think I'll

take a nap today

We should stay home instead

Can you help me to bed?

Greys and blacks swirling

Echoes around me

But you can't rouse me. 

I can feel your fear--

Can you feel my peace?

I am being called home--almost home!

I can hear you

Pokes and prodding

Christmas carols with crying

Sweet little voices, why can't I wake up?

Soft hugs, many sighs

I want to wake up to kiss your sweet faces.

I am almost home. 

The quiet has changed.

I hear the piano and many hymns

Cracking harmonies will sing me to heaven. 

Angels are starting to come

Angels at every corner

To comfort my babies. 

Mercies bring my voice

In moments

I say my love to each one. 

One more time. 

The loud voices are further away. 

My vision is sharpening.

I can see something beautiful coming. 

My hardest tasks. 

Breathing in and out. 

More angels are here

I feel gentle hands in mine

Lifting me to stand up -- all by myself again

Inhale.

Exhale.

I take a step my balance is back. 

My loves! I am going. 

But I will be beside you when you need me. 

Sweetie-- I can't stay

I can see the Light of Glory

Calling me 

I am walking free

Angles guiding me

Home. 

I can feel your sadness

Can you feel all these comforting angels

The Almighty is here 

in this room--I can see His Comfort surrounding you--

Feel it! Don't despair. 

I'm just on the other side.

You will see me again

My loves. 

You will see me again. 

The Glory! The Throne. 

More than you 

Can imagine. 

You'll be here soon. 

You'll fly home too. 

Follow the path 

The Lord designed for you.

Mine was shorter than we thought. 

But it was full, wasn't it?

I know it's hard, honey.