It's hard to put it all into words

Mom's been in heaven for three months and eighteen days.

We said goodbye for now on the first of the year, a little after twelve noon. This was after falling into a sleeping coma three days before Christmas, and being at home in hospice a little less than a week. We cared for her and sat with her, sang to her and cried with her for those last days.

Nothing is harder than saying goodbye much sooner than you expected. Even with the cancer, she had just finished her radiation treatment and we were preparing for an upturn of her health, energy, emotions.

A few days before she went on, we got to see a beautiful phenomenon called the 'burst of energy'. For Mom, that meant she was responding to us some. Still through a tight jaw, sometimes hard to understand, but we heard words, felt hand squeezes, and were able to respond to her needs and not just guess. It is so hard to talk when tears are constant, but we were able to say things that we needed to. I told Mom I was going to miss seeing her so often (she would come visit us sometimes once a month for a day or two), and I was going to miss her help and support, her presence when the next baby came. (We had found out that we were expecting again on Christmas day).

Aunt Rosie came in the last three days and we were able to have her there, to add to the conversation and give us love while we were grieving, and also because she felt it just as strongly as we did. Marie had been home since the beginning of December, and Anna made it home on Christmas day. Ben, the kids, and I made it to Ohio on the day before Christmas eve. We were all there together.

As Easter came this past Sunday. I was hit hard with deep emotion early in the morning, as the sky was lightening with dawn not far away, of Christ triumphantly walking out of the tomb. Of his sacrifice for us, for me, so that death is not the end. I cried tears of thankfulness to our God for the gift of His love to us. We were Chosen to be Holy. We were dearly loved enough for Him to sacrifice his son for our sake. My grief is heavy, but I have our Lord's promise that I will see Mom again. I feel peace, even through tears, that I will see her again.

Thank you Jesus, for your sacrifice.