i am american, but I am Christian and a song

I am an American and more increasingly I fear for the safety of my children in the world ahead. I'm a Christian and I think that refugees need to be welcomed. We need to trust God's word and God's will. God's word says to take care of the sojourners, the widows, and the orphans, and also to share Christ with them. If we don't we are cold hearted and selfish and fearful. God also has a will for our country. If we cannot be selfless and want to set up freaking internment camps, then I see American moving quickly down the totem pole.

It was  originally said that they found a Syrian passport next to one of the assailants. It was later said that they know that all the terrorists were European nationals, each who chose to become a member of ISIS and to massacre other people with their own lives.

Why do we fear refugees? Because of the unknown, that they could be terrorists. Because the media is scaring us. Why do we set prejudice upon these people? We are not allowed to cast a judgement on someone before we meet them! It is a sin to do that. God is shaking his head at this.

But at the same time, what the heck is going on in America? So much violence, so much hate. I am certainly frightened by his black lives matter movement, because it frames one race over another, with violence, just in case we didn't hear them the first time. As a woman of swiss and german descent, my families have never experienced slavery, and though my ancestors experienced persecution many, many generations ago, I still don't understand. (That's not something you keep bringing up, as Christians *should* rejoice at the option to suffer as Christ did.) Slavery was a wrong, and people still aren't over the injustices because they continued (and still continue). I understand the anger and the frustrations. But if we want every person to treat every other person equally, we have to treat every other person equally. Each person deserves the same. So I will give them the same.

As for persecution, I see it morphing in this country. People are killed for trivial things, or for nothing at all. I find myself paranoid in the grocery store. (not for persecution but for a random attack).

I am not afraid. I am not afraid.

But I am afraid for my children.

But then I remember to pray and to trust God. God is watching over each sweet baby. Even the ones struggling fleeing for Syria.

I wrote this little song on Yonah's first birthday. I want to teach it to the moms in my study group, and we can teach it to our kids and bless them with it.

Up and over, up and over, up and over
Jesus up and over me
Down and under, down and under, down and under
Satan down under my feet
Back, behind me, back, behind me, back behind me
Satan behind me fleein' me
Front and forward, front and forward, front and forward
Holy Spirit guiding me
All around me, all around me, all around me
I've got angels guarding me.




These posts are always processing, never my complete thoughts.

i am challenging myself, and if you see yourself challenged, ask the Holy Spirit if He wants to work change in you. Seek the Lord, and satan will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

Working on me (song)

This song I felt like I needed to write something about God still working on even though I'm Christian, and have been Christian for a long time we continue to grow and we can need to be students and children in Christ and not mature until until we die. The name Christian is so much more than a name. We are followers of Christ and need to be humble enough to call ourselves that.

Christians are slandered in media as being idiots and being intolerable and being hypocrites. Because of that, we still need to keep working on being humble and showing people Christ. we are not Christ! we are humans: we are sinful people and we do not show Christ by living by ourselves without Listening to God. We need to listen to God because God will guide our actions and our thoughts and our hearts. If we do not have God guiding our actions and our thoughts and our hearts we are just like atheists even if we call ourselves Christians.

So the song begins with me having trouble spending time in the word but knowing God is still working and me even though I can't spend as much time as I would like or as much time as I should with him.

This is busy
something to do every second
pulling me away from your grace
it's a struggle
maintaining endurance
when every movement is distracted
from your Holiness

So take this moment
breathe in you
this love surrounding
is enough to keep

Holding onto you
even when what you say isn't breaking through
I know your way is truth
when I can't understand
all the things you are doing
 you hold onto me
you are everything
even when I can't see
you are still
still working on me

I'm too busy
too much information
clogging up my focus
should be on you
your beauty
meditating on you
every movement an opportunity to see you

There is no one like you Jesus
 there is no one else who can lead us
 your grace was given to us
your grace has made us free

We have the love of Christ! New song

I wrote this song when I was thinking about how nothing separate us from the love of Christ and I really like that verse and I just felt like I needed to write a song about it that's how it works for me.

So here's the song:

Shall hardship or trouble
persecution or famine
separate us from your love?
Shall shamefulness or danger
or death by the sword
separate us from your love?

We are more than conquerors of the things! (yes we are)
we are more than conquerors with your love
with your love

Shall death or life
or angels or demons
separate us from your love?
shall Government between us
or heights and depths beneath us
separate us from your love?

We have the love of Christ!
conquer of death
creator of life
he has already won what we're fighting!
we have the love of Christ!
 redeeming me from the worst I've been
he has calmed the storms of my soul

Nothing can separate us
we have the love of Christ!

I'm not who I was

This is a song that I wrote a couple of weeks ago and every time I sing it, it has so much meaning for me: about how much I've grown in my Faith and grown and who I am in comparison to who I was years ago and that's why want to share it with you.

I'm not who I was I am new in you
 I'm not who I was I'm defined by you

My heart has changed
I have gained
you, my Jesus
no more guilty spaces
I am fully whole
and you my Jesus

I'm not who I was I'm new in you
I'm not who I was I'm defined by you

No longer broken
I am found in the arms of Christ
I am a child of God
filled up with your love overflowing

I can leave behind this shadow
for Christ has won this battle
my sin demolished
 Satan vanquished
 Christ has the victory!!

I'm not who I was
I'm new you
I'm not who I was
I'm defined by you

New song: Let it Shine

Your Glory shines in the light

Your Glory shines through the dark

May Your Glory shine through me

I am blind, I am deaf. 

I am only a mess

But you still see, You still love me

Hallelujah 

Give praise in this place

Hallelujah

Give glory to Your face

Father, my King

Humble me

In my iniquity

Let me love only Your way

Let it shine, let it shine!

Your love for the blind 

And searching hearts like mine

You are God, You are my vine.

Insert awesome piano ness here. 

New Song: Steadfast

I've been mulling over this thought for awhile. I've been thinking about the next CD I'm going to record, and I really wanted to put all of my new stuff from this semester on this CD. I was reading in Psalms and I read "My heart is steadfast O my God. I will sing praises to you with all my soul". And I was thinking about my relationship with God and how important sticking with God is to me. And I decided I wanted to call this CD "Steadfast." I hadn't written a song with that title at that point, but I wanted it to show how I want to live my life: for God. This song is a mixture of Psalm 23 and the Psalm I read with "steadfast" in it.

My heart is steadfast
To you, my God.
You bring me through this
Toward you, Shepherd

You keep your promises to me
And blessed am I through
Every struggling thing
You lead me to a resting place
My soul is restored
You are along the way
All along the way

When the world tries to show me a different gate
You taught me to turn and run back to you
When the world tries to make me want
You are my God.

New Song: Holes, Whole, Holiness

I wrote this song for many reasons. I find myself getting lost in my thoughts and I feel like my mind isn't being healthy. I am being hyper-sensitive to things that I'm thinking about, but these are consuming me, becoming anxiety, stress, worry. Jesus told us not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it self, so the lyrics of this song are my heart seeking God to fill me completely, and to take away my worry.

Spirit, take over
Take over my mind (heart, soul, life)
Remove my thoughts
And my desires

Make clear your will
For my soul
Walk with me
On this path towards light

Will me to seek you
With everything
I have no peace
Without you

You are the only one
Who can fill my holes
And make me whole
With your holiness

Song: You are the Breath I Breathe

I wrote this song with a desire in my heart to put God into every aspect of my life. I have been working to write many songs about being led, listening to God, and following God to do His will. I struggled after I wrote this song, trying to figure out if I wrote it for me or if I wrote it for God, because I felt like my motivations weren't right as I was writing it. So I put it down for a couple days, because there is nothing worse that not being genuine with the music that I am feeling from my soul. But I felt okay about what I had written, came back to the song with a humble heart, and saw a little more of what God was teaching me in these words that God inspired me to write.

Let the serenity I seek
Cleanse my inner being
Let motivation form
To keep these steps I'm walking
Let this balance beam of life
Give me support to cope
Keep my self-strength looking toward you
You are my everlasting

Teach me to hold your hand
Guide my thoughts to become yours
Teach me to love your words
You've followed through with me
There are no other means to exist in this world
You are the breath I breathe

When my lens is indecisive
I can't see beyond the hill ahead
You walk beyond
I can see your footsteps
Let me be a holy sacrifice
Come away with nothing
You are my daily bread
You are everything I need

Song: Lead me

You taught the ocean to take its first breath
And it makes wave to a rhythm pleasing you
You spoke your will into the ears of trees
And now they produce leaves

You gave fantastic motivation to birds
To learn how to fly even when
they fall to the ground the first time
Now open these wings of mine
And ask me to fly
But in your will not mine

So Lead me
Emptying my heart
Of my own motivation
Lead me
To share your love
With every action
You are holier
Than my mist of a life
Take me and make me
Yours

New Song: You Save Me from myself

You are godliness
Live through me
Let my actions show
Bear fruit in me
Help me give your love away
An the knowledge that's in my soul
You're in control

You within me
Is more than I could ever deserve
Your actions in my life
What a merciful God
I'm filled with humility
how you do this for me!
You save me from myself

Your promises are kept
Fill me with faith
I know this life's better than my selfish desires
Your goodness through me
Redefines the best I can be
You fill me

New Songs

These psat two weeks have been academically, mentally, and emotionally busy, but God has continued to remind me to walk on His path, and take time for myself and time for Him. I am continually blessed with the God awesome Gift to write music as worship for God. I think the coolest thing that has made the biggest impact is the fact that I've been learning and growing from the words that I write. God has been providing lyrics that both express how I feel and challenge me. These two new songs, which have been written in the past two weeks, express my love, my need, and my growth in my relationship with Christ. I know that I cannot do anything by myself, that it is with God's mercy that my life is the way it is, and I'm firmly thankful of it.

I will keep walking
Standing firm, believing
I know this path this faith is true
I will keep holding
Onto this hope
Love must surround me
As I walk down this path

My God, My light,
I will dance in your footsteps
As I keep learning the way you move
And I'm not much of a dancer
But you lead so well
I know I'll go wherever you will

I used to long for fullness, Holiness
Christ you are my promise,
Salvation is satisfied
For Christ fully understands
Reprimands darkness
You are my strength

My God, My light,
I will dance in your footsteps
As I keep learning the way you move
And I'm not much of a dancer
But you lead so well
I know I'll go wherever you will me to go

We're now of one mind
Breathe in, Slow down
Soak in the Son
He'll guide every move
Let your light shine
The Father's in you
He'll lead you wherever he wills.

New Song #2
I have peace surrounding me
Your trust is clear I don't need anything
I have true love in my soul
My God has filled my heart full

Before I had you inside of me
My empty heart tried empty love
But you grow beauty from nothing
You dwell in me, you make me beautiful

Your freedom is within me
New life is your gift to me
And it's not about me,
You are holy, holy!
Now it's your breath I breathe
It's your words I speak
Your love loving out of me
You are holy, holy!

You are my God who provides
I don't need any love besides
The truth, the promises
Are fulfilled, you fulfill me.

New Song! Look to God Alone

This song has a humbling theme for me. It's a reminder of the fact that what I want doesn't really matter. Ahhh. That is such a hard one to over come. But! God is good. He knows exactly what we need AND when we need it. And that is the beauty of His Will! So enjoy. THough I can't afford it right now, I hope to record this one and many others that I have written this summer, in the midst of recording my CD (so I couldn't record them then.).

Seek first the kingdom
For it is not of this world
Lay down your earthly things
And leave them behind
Seek the will of a Father
Who will keep you safe from harm
He is our love, deep inside
Our Holy Satisfaction

Let the Provider fill your need
Seek the one who turns mourning to rejoicing
May his will encapsule your life.
Don't live for people
Look to God alone.

If you have so much pain
It makes it hard to breathe
Come to me and I will give you rest
Let me breathe on you
And give you eternal life
It's love, the Father's will is LOVE!

Let the Provider fill your need
Seek the one who turns mourning to rejoicing
May his will encapsule your life.
Don't live for people
Look to God alone.

Our God has created peace
And overcome the world!

God-Water Song

I've been contemplating this one since April. It's been a hot topic since I had a great analogy about how God is like water to humans and the earth! We need it every day to keep living. We breathe it in, we drink it in, we bathe in it, we thank God for the rain. So here it is, or part of it thus far

Pour your unending love upon me
Let the peace flowing from your streams surround me
Your fountain soaks my soul
You make me expand so that I am whole

You are The waterfall
Raining down all around me, cleansing
My walls are falling down
Eroding my false identity
TO make me who you want me to be

You are always around me
I breathe you in,
You fill me with life
The water of life
Without Your mercy I'm cracked and cry
You are all-knowing
You fill the shape of who your working in,
You erode, replenish, build
To fulfill your will

You're my oasis in this desert
You give me energy, you are cooling, relaxing, sweet
May your will hydrate me to keep
Living in this humanity

You take away the shame
I will dance in your rain
You wash away my stain
I will dance in your rain!
You take away my pain
I will dance in your rain
Even when I fall again
I will dance in your rain!

new song: Your Strength is all I need

It's still in pieces: as in, I haven't decided what order I am doing.


I saw the truth written on your heart
The recipe of true life in love to start
I can taste the promises you’ve kept
With me, Always

You are patient with me
As my expectations are waiting
I desire everything
But I need your timing

Your love is sufficient for me
It builds strength within me
There’s so much power in this passion
It becomes a chain reaction
Your strength is all I need

I felt the warmth shone from your Son
Security surrounds me I know you’re the one
I have your truth written on my heart
For me, In me

I want to walk on the narrow road, Jesus
I want to walk on the narrow road
I want to walk on the narrow road Jesus
I want to walk on the narrow road

Jesus you are my king Jesus
You are my king
You are my king Jesus
You are my king

Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you Jesus
Lead me on and I will run after you.

Vending Machine

This song is about men who objectify women.
It is awesome.

Verse One:
You are the type of person who makes me regret
Being unique today.
You look me over up and down and then tell me I'm pretty
Though "complimenting" on my looks you accentuate my body
You take away my humanity when you wander you mind away

Prechorus:
I'm only the cheap jewels in your treasure box
You want my heart to be a cheap, breakable lock
So that you can enter in and tempt me with seduction
But leave like before you began, with out me name
I was just another body you claimed

Chorus:
I'm demanding equality
For freedom from super-sexuality
My beauty is more than a picture taken
Don't manipulate my God-given brain
I am beauty and also intelligence
Why do you decide to choose
Who I am like a vending machine?
I am a human being!

Verse Two:
You treat me like junk food, gobble me up and throw away the memory
Your single set mind makes you even more hungry
For you cheap rush of dopamine
You make me a means to an end
Of sexuality you can't stop,
At least, you've always thought

Beauty in Song

I find that one of the ways that I can show my own beauty is through singing and through writing music. When I got a chance to play "light the silence" for this year's Take Back the Night chapel and coffeehouse, I felt blessed to express inspiration for those who needed it.

I was also blessed by a fellow student, with an invitation to join one of the bands on campus. It turned out to be very beneficial and fun for me, and we have had two performances--one for chapel, and one for Dialogue On Race and Diversity Worship Night. I got to play three of my own songs at the beginning of this event as well.

This beauty thing is for me, but it's not for me as well. Although I would say that within music, my beauty is blooming for others to see, I wouldn't say that it is something that I am unconfident in. And although I need growth in the area, as sometime in the future I will be able to record and have a CD or my music, and there is a lot of work in that, I know that this project and idea is not all about me. Although everyone needs certain levels of empowerment, I know I'm one that needs less in comparison to others.

So with that disclaimer, the truth in all of this is that I WANT to empower others to embrace their own beauty in individuality, in confidence. Part of this is recreating beauty. Knowing that I am an individual makes it impossible for me to redefine beauty by myself. Beauty is different in every person. Where some people are confident in clothes and in things they have to say, others carry their beauty in their art work, in their food justice. Others carry their beauty in their beautiful unwashed hair. Beauty is confidence. Beauty is laughing so hard you cry (or snort).

As we recreate beauty, what makes you your beautiful self? What's striking and individual about you that you see about yourself and makes you overflow with love for whatever you love?

Here's "reclaiming beauty"

It's just genetics
Combinations of chemicals
That create who we see
This makes me unique
No one else
Carries elements like me

Then somewhere I lost me
Under masks I wear
Wanting to please Society
We've molded ourselves
To their blueprint for beauty

I want to bring back beauty
Like birds singing
Like leaves tinged by sunset sky
I want to see individuality
Confidence overflowing
I want acceptance for who I am
Even with "said" imperfections
I was created woman
Don't underestimate me
This is real beauty

It's just genetics
Combinations of chemicals that create
Who you see
This makes you unique
No one else
Carries elements like you

Then somewhere you lost you

Under masks you wear

Wanting to please Society

We've molded ourselves

To their blueprint for beauty

Women made into mannequins by this media

Plastic-coated shiny perfect

Covered in makeup

Just sexy and helpless

How could we call this 

beauty??

What is strength, depth, intelligence

Aren't we perseverance, endurance

Confidence over fashion sense
Individuality--it is beauty.

Bringing Light to the Silence

Take Back the Night is a weeklong event that EMU takes part in during the school year. It's in recognition of those who have been sexually abused, and bringing openness and inviting people to talk about what has happened to them.

I decided to be on the Take Back the Night chapel committee for this year. I wasn't really sure what role I was going to take, for I originally wanted to be a part of the sidewalk chalk committee. That was fun for me last year. But Bekah was excited about the idea, so I joined. Later on in the week, I was thinking about how it would be awesome if I could write a song about the theme, Bringing Light to the Silence.

A couple of days ago, I was feeling overwhelmed by schoolwork and life, and I wrote these lyrics. I put melody to them yesterday. I wish I could post a recording, but no performance has been perfect yet, and nowhere near a microphone. Thus, here are my lyrics.

These echoing words aren't love.
I'm being taunted by my own thoughts.
The world doesn't need more pain.
I'm just repeating what's already been said.

Being broken can be mended
But my pieces have been lost along the way.
I'm not together the same
But only I notice I'm missing.

There's light on these dark walls,
And as I pray each day it's lighter.
And there are rainbows slipping through
The prisms I carry inside.
The promises I feel are real
They crumble the brokenness I felt
And my sould won't rock to sleep at night
With it's lips sown shut.
It's bringing light (and life and sound and song)
To this silence.